Seperated

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Could use a little help bit of help or opinions/advise with this.

I sent the W a text last night asking if she wanted to talk at all. She answered asking what about. I said to her doesn't matter whatever or anything - she replied I have nothing to say.
I asked her if I was still seeing S3 Saturday night that I made plans for him and I, she answered with a will he be staying overnight? I told her he doesn't have to. Well I never got an answer to that after 10 mins(it was starting to get later and I was tired) - I sent a message have a good night sleep. Only to get a response to that message asking what the plans are. I never answered - not sure if/when i will.

He's my dilemma that I am not so sure of. If she has nothing to talk or say to me, why would she call me at work 2 days in a row, when I have made no attempt to contact her in anyway. I have spoken to my S3, but only during the day while my parents are watching him.
Anyone have any incite or opinions as to why she might be calling me, or what may be going through her mind?

I know there is really no way of knowing, I was just wondering if she is just playing head games and stringing me along until she gets what she wants, or if she is riding a similar roller coaster as me and just trying to hide it from me?

[goingtofixME]

She is doing what the majority of the people on this board wish their spouses would do and that is pursuit you a bit. Then she remembers that she is supposed to be divorcing you and gets mad at herself and pulls back and gets nasty. Rinse and repeat. You will hear this by more than one poster. We want what we cannot have. If she feels like you are pulling away she pulls you back. When you pull her she pulls away. Nasty cycle, but it is how it goes. Stop pursuing. Let her come to you. She knows you don't want a divorce. You have made it plainly clear. Continue your changes and be the best you possible. She will notice. Enjoy the rollercoaster. LOL

[LitlHopeAlwys]

She is doing what the majority of the people on this board wish their spouses would do and that is pursuit you a bit. Then she remembers that she is supposed to be divorcing you and gets mad at herself and pulls back and gets nasty. Rinse and repeat. You will hear this by more than one poster. We want what we cannot have. If she feels like you are pulling away she pulls you back. When you pull her she pulls away. Nasty cycle, but it is how it goes. Stop pursuing. Let her come to you. She knows you don't want a divorce. You have made it plainly clear. Continue your changes and be the best you possible. She will notice. Enjoy the rollercoaster. LOL

Thanks goingtofixME.
I don't understand why would we want the WAS "doing what the majority of the people on this board wish their spouses would do and that is pursuit you a bit." It only hurts more and makes it really difficult for me to control my emotions.
I understand that we always want what we cannot have, but she has made it plainly clear in no other words but hers "Face it, we are getting a divorce." Why would she want to pull me back in? From the little communication between us, she seems like she is on a one track mind and full speed ahead.
I have stopped pursuing, despite a few slips here and there, that hopefully now I've learned from my mistakes (many thanks to the people here), and I'm continuing to work on me and trying to keep PMA and hoping that she sees that I am capable of and determined to change.

So the W called me again this morning at work(3 days in a row now) - I answered this time. She asked where I wanted to take S3 sat night, so i told her to a baseball game and immediately got a with who? Told her I wasn't sure yet. End of conversation, I told her I had to get back to work. Still waiting to hear from her if she will let me bring S3 to baseball game tomorrow night.

PS- I was never really a rollercoaster fan - and now even less then before.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

Just journalizing and venting right now right now

Today started out a really rough day for me - I was awake most of the night till about 4am, missing the W more then normal for some reason. Found my self writing in a memo book that i started to keep around 2am for a couple of hours, and was more overcome with emotions then usual. After about 4 hours sleep decide to get out of bed and go for a bike ride - started out heading to beach and back as a route - at the beach changed my mind on the route, 11 miles was not a long enough ride, so i ended up going on a round about path home added another 5 miles - thinking back I should've kept going for another 5 or 10 more.
Got home - 2 missed calls on home phone and 1 on cell - all from the W - no messages left. Call her back and she answers "Nice of you to answer the phone", I just told her that I was out - I didn't think I owed her any explanation to where I was or what I was doing. Although she does know that I started riding my bike and exercising to lose weight and get back in shape.
She then asks me what time is the baseball game tonight - told her 7pm but I would like to get there around 6pm. She says OK, is he sleeping over? I left that up to her by simply saying I will bring him home tonight if that is what you want. She told me to keep him over night that he will probably fall asleep on the ride home. So now here I am 2.5 hours later trying to find things to keep my self occupied and my mind off of her. All ready power washed the deck and patio furniture. Weird part is in the past I was always a very sarcastic person and usually angry or ill tempered - That person seems to have completely vanished from within me - now I'm just overwhelmed with lots of other emotions - I guess IC does really help.

Why is it that she has to be so negative and nasty on a simple phone call? And on all days one where I am already struggling to try and keep a PMA and be in good spirits with a smile on my face?

I'm trying my hardest not to pursue her and have to constantly remind myself just back off, try to avoid initiating contact and let her be, but I will admit I do find it very hard to resist the urge at times.

[babymama]

Hi there. My name is Nicole. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I understand, and am feeling the same. Hopeful one minute and completely hopeless the next. The mixed messages are so confusing. My H says things like it is over and done his mind is made up then he texts me good morning how are you. I am like...is he just wondering, does he really care how I am because the truth is I am doing BAD HORRIBLE TERRIBLE MESSED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I wish you the best...take care and write me anytime.
Nicole

[LitlHopeAlwys]

More Journalizing

Had a great time Saturday night at baseball game with S3 - they only played 4 innings over the 3 hour time frame due to fog - so the game get delayed and then postponed - So now I get to take S3 to another game. W was right he passed out on the way home and slept late the next morning. After getting up and having breakfast, I brought him to W around 11am. Knock on door no answer - her car is there. Call cell - she answers - she didn't expect me that early and was in shower - said she would be right out - i answered its ok, take your time, after a few minutes she opened door, asked me why I brought him back so early? told her its was her day with him and didn't want to take any time away from you.

Surprisingly she invited me in and wanted to know how the game was and everything else. She said didn't you get my text messages last night? No.. what messages? Oh I sent you a couple of text messages to see how the game was going. Checked my phone - never received anything - my inbox was full - apologized to her that I missed them. We talked for a little while and played with our S for a short period of time - altogether maybe there for 45-60 mins.

Then she tells me that she is taking him to game Tuesday, only because his cousin is learning to cheer and they will be doing a short cheer at the game - told her to have a great time.

Kissed S3 bye, hugged her(no reciprocation) and left on with my day. Still very little communication between us - really wish that there would be more between us, but at this point I'm doing alright with the little exchanges that we do have. Just trying to give her her space, and work on me, hoping that she decides to try and work everything out between us.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

I could use some opinions on an idea that has been kicking around in my mind.

Whenever I see the W, picking up or dropping off S3, she always looks exhausted, if I ask her whats wrong she just complains that she is tired and stressed out.

Here is my idea that I was thinking about doing:
This weekend I have S3 all weekend, and I was thinking of booking her an appointment at a day spa to get a message and some relaxation. This is not something that I would have done for her in the past.
Part of me thinks its pursuing, which is why I'm looking for various input from others if this would be a good idea to for me to do for her.

Thank you in advance for all of your help.

[clueless]

For what it is worth, that sounds like pursuing to me. You can't do now, what you didn't do then in that regard. It is likely to just provoke derision. Michelle writes about it as giving the impression that we are trying to buy our spouyses affection. It sounds like we have a fairly similar sitch. One guy's advice would be to focus on GAL and detaching. I mean really detach. Don't look over your shoulder for a reaction. Detach. Find a way to live your life without waiting for her. And the good news is, no matter what happens, you will be better prepared for your future.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

For what it is worth, that sounds like pursuing to me. You can't do now, what you didn't do then in that regard. It is likely to just provoke derision. Michelle writes about it as giving the impression that we are trying to buy our spouyses affection. It sounds like we have a fairly similar sitch. One guy's advice would be to focus on GAL and detaching. I mean really detach. Don't look over your shoulder for a reaction. Detach. Find a way to live your life without waiting for her. And the good news is, no matter what happens, you will be better prepared for your future.

Thanks Clueless.
I knew it would be seen as pursuing - never thought of it from the buying perspective. I have been doing my best at GAL and trying my hardest to detach, The getting her the message is because she would not do it for herself and it would just relieve her and help her to feel a better. Yeah I know - not very good at detaching from her - I still care and worry about how she is doing/feeling.

[LitlHopeAlwys]

LOL at myself - I just remembered part of the conversation between my W and I on Saturday when I picked up son. I over the past week or so lightened my hair color using peroxide a little at a time. Saturday when I picked up S3, the W asked what i did to my hair? I told her I lightened a little. She said the it looks strange and she doesn't like it. I simply told her that's OK, your opinion and you don't have to like it. End of topic on that - it felt good not confronting her about why she didn't like it or making an argument out of it like i would have in the past.