I am happy. I had an awesome time last night and had a great feeling about it. Probably read too much into it, but nevertheless, it was good and I was/am happy.
I know that I have zero control, it still makes me defensive about the friend. I have to work and deal with that internally. I have not let on to W that it upsets me, just venting to you guys.
I also know that I should not have said anything about the invoice. I wasn't going to say anything when I first saw it and she saw me with the stack of papers and that on top and got defensive about not keeping it all. I let it out before I even knew what I said. Again, it came out and didn't effect our evening as we still had a great time.
I know progress is being made, I am still working on patience and doing better in that area. Just finished reading The Four Agreements and now reading the Power of Patience. I hope and pray that things continue to improve.
Hiya What is the Four Agreements about? You are doing great and concentrate on being happy now. You've made huge huge strides, keep it friendly and maybe try to be a little unavailable, but very apologetic about it. Let's keep her on her toes!! And really, don't worry about the friend. You could be completely wrong. She could be miserable and missing her ex and telling your wife this. You are really doing so well, I'm so proud of you. And yes, keep stressing here and venting to us.
Its by Miguel Ruiz and the four agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your words 2. Don't take anything personal 3. Don't make assumptions 4. Always do your best
It was a pretty enlightening little book.
I just got back from my IC and it went well. He was very surprised at the new things going on. Very pleasantly surprised. We talked about how to accomplish my goals for myself and talked about the April 22 (which is the 8 weeks I was supposed to be out of the house) and how I approach going back or based on new developments, to take it slow and not make a huge stand on that since I did just make a big stand on the boundaries and since that time she was softened? What do you guys think? Do I move back in come hell or high water on the 22nd or take it slow?
My vote is to not go home just yet. You've made so much progress out of the house. And it's not like the door or window is going to slam shut forever on the 23rd. So maybe wait and see how things are going. You never know, on the 20th she may say "Do you have all the boxes you need to move your stuff back? Can I help in anyway?" And then you are 100% the man with the ball in his court. So, more than anything, I don't think you need to decide that right now. Just keep doing your thing, which frankly is quite amazing to read about and I'm so proud of you!!
Hope you are having a good "me" night tonight. I am having a blast with the kids. W is out with friend while kids spend the night with me. I am not doing anything or worrying about going home just yet. It just came up in IC today and just wanted everyone's opinion on it. I will play it by ear and see how things are closer to the 22nd. A lot can happen in a month for sure. I am just going to keep hanging in there and keep DBin my butt off. Also still trying to detach and work on me. You do the same!
Rzr, it's hard to say either way. Being out of the house gives you both a chance to breath and to look at the relationship from more of a distance than you will be able to see when you guys are together all the time in a house.
Also, you not being around allows your W the chance to take the focus off of you and put it on the feelings and thoughts she is having. My W was focused on me and the past negatives, etc...
When you make room between the two of you it gives space for things to grow.
The thing is this - you can't make the decision based on getting some kind of 'reaction' or 'outcome' for the sitch as a whole. If you try to control it in this manner it will most likely backfire. If you aren't in a rush to get back home I would say wait until you feel the pull to go back.
It's really a hard call. No one can tell you what to do one way or the other. But I would suggest make the decision that YOU are comfortable with, and again, don't make it based on what you think will happen to your R whichever way you decide.
I know it's hard to leave the 'big picture' out of the decision, but you can't even see the big picture so there's no sense in trying to figure it out - you need one of those crystal balls for that. And last I checked they were all sold out...lol
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
My gut tells me that it's riskier to move too fast than moving slower...and it'd be such a 180 for you to say, "no, we're not ready yet," unless something big changes in the next month. And you've only been at this one month, right? So, really we are all just speculating...
Who knows? What does the IC say and what about a DB coach? Have you tried one? They're excellent and I say that as someone who also loved her t as well. But DB is so specific for things like this...anyhow...keep up the good work and do what works and stop doing what doesn't. It's not complicated, but it IS hard...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi LonelyRzr, sorry I have been out of touch lately. But hopefully I can get back in the groove again. I'll try to catch up on your thread, but just wanted you to know I had not been ignoring you.
Take care, Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I made it to the Keys and having a blast so far. Haven't thought about W or sitch much since I got here. Just what I needed. Not much of an update tonight, getting up early for fishing in morning, but will update tomorrow. Yesterday wasn't so good.
I hope you are having a blast in the Keys. I went there for spring break once and LOVED it, and I knew I would live in Florida one day. I didn't understand how I wasn't living here already to be honest. let us know what's going on when you get the chance.
