I think it is time to pick up the phone and have a chat. Nothing R related just have a light chat. It doesn't have to be long or anything. As long as you keep a cool head, you have nothing to lose.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey thanks Kat.. I just cant do it! I know its fear, fear of his reaction, of more rejection, of bothering him. Also, it just never feels like the right time. I think he is right 'in it' as in, stuck in an unhealthy sitch with her he wants to exit from, which is placing a huge strain on him and he is probably very unhappy.. he already is trying to avoid her..and he's made the decision to end it, but cant face the fallout from that, workwise (and emotionally). Its ridiculous that I havent been able to phone him, I am sure in fact he would be happy to hear from me, maybe even relieved! I suppose it just feels like it wouldnt be the right time for HIM.
Theres something going on as people are going down around me. My sister is in turmoil, my Mum is low, my Dad is too and feeling unwell and worried about money, Cher is facing disapointment, my BFFs FIL is dying.. theres a sense of disintegration, things falling apart, peeling back, being exposed.. I am a sensitive soul though, so I pick this stuff up.. then I remembered that there are planets connecting with Chiron, planet of wounds and healing.. seems like people are being exposed, or reaching the core of what has been bothering them.. a sense of, I cant take much more of this...enough now.
I think its interesting that the front page news in the UK is dominated by Jade Goody dying of cancer and very graphic pictures of her suffering and her loved ones and theres a sense that we are all literally waiting for her to die, any hour now..but as tragic as that is, its like, enough now. To me, she is representing the real earthy human suffering that alot of people seem to be feeling right now, whether thats emotionally or financially (and for some of us, both !!). There is a sense of 'death' around.. but then there are some pretty harsh planetary alignments round right now... 5 planets in Aquarius worrying and pulling on us mentally, opposed to Saturn (planet of death, Old Father Time) on the other side of the sky, currently going backwards (so slowing things down further) and about to be exact conjunct a full moon (on my birthday, eeek!).
Things will ease up, but not until late spring, early summer I think. I also think.. I am talking to myself here, but that made me feel better to explain that to myself !!! And singing along to Blur helps
Oh and they cut interest rates to 0.5% today !!!! Woohoo, even lower mortgage, yippee. x
I read!!!! Same things over here. Something is really shifting to what it really is. I feel it too. I am letting my anger and disappointment surface. I really hope things get better sooner than in early summer... K
Sorry I've been away sweetie. I had to take a break to catch my breath and get some perspective.
I'm so sorry about the job, and right after you got that loan sorted out too. So, no more hostessing at the curry house? I'd probably eat my way through my paycheck working there.
I like the idea of teaching English overseas. I know in countries like China and Korea where learning English is a huge advantage for them, they don't require a full degree but they do require basic college courses and then they put you through a short training of their own. My church has teachers that teach ESL classes to the foreign speakers of our community. They are always looking for more teachers. You could come live here and teach them! I'll even kick Marc out of his room for you.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey well I was waitressing more than hostessing (or is that an Amercan phrase!? Hostessing is something a bit rude in the UK involving entertaining men!). Its tough, I'm just broke and will be for a while yet. Thanks for your offer though! Wow I wish I were younger and could be glad of all this freedom... instead, I look at my elbows and wrists and feel that I am developing a certain "elephantitis" of the skin from aging, lol !!
I cant seem to get to bed early lately. Just sat here wondering what was discussed tonight with BMF. It could have nothing to do with me. I worry too much time has gone by now with no contact, but then, I worry and fear too much about just about everything (hmm, Saturn in the 3rd, house of the mind)
ha.. well, I lost my job this week and I didnt worry too much about that (probably ought to !!!).
Feeling wierd today, calm before a storm. I have a sense of there being things I ought to know, that I could be told about, eventually, seeing as BMF saw him last night and I am sure my name came up. Cher could find out.. but I bet she wont. She is wrapped up in her own stuff with BMF. Everyone is! Its like, theres nowhere to turn, everyones dropped their oars and are desperately paddling with their bare hands.
I want to move house, to be nearer the sea, I want to learn to surf, to rockclimb, to play the drums, go to Greece, eat stuffed chillis, see a Volcano, get another cat, get married and be happy. When will all my dreams come true? I cant afford to really eat anymore, such are my debts, so some of thses things are going to have to be 'delayed'.. I wouldnt mind if I knew it was going to be alright eventually, if I could just see some light at the end of this long tunnel I have been in since June 07. I'm not seeing it yet.
Calm before the storm... Same here. I thank you for my calmness. End of April-May isnt that far away. September is but maybe in September things will REALLY look good but the progress will start sooner...
We need to get our plans in place. Give me a couple of weeks and then we can decide what's happening, when... (visits etc) I was thinking, maybe I can convince H to pay you to talk in English to my kids, he doesnt have to know we knew each other, no? xxx K
Check out my chart again, tell me I will be fine and happy and rich soon, TELL ME!!!!
Your last post reminded me of the book 'Eat, Pray and Love'. Have you read it? If not I think you would really enjoy it. It's about a woman's journey to experience some things and learn about herself. Somehow it reminds me of you. Plus it is a cracking good read. Try it.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hey K! You're welcome! and yes..the lady I spoke to said that we would be through it by September, but would begin to feel better by late May! Its not that far off.. we can make it!! And I would LOVE to come see you of course and visit Greece (I have always wanted to go to Athens, the Panthenon etc, my last holiday was to your hometown.. Kalamata! and then I went to Olympia, which was AMAZING. Loved it). Yes, I could mind the kids sometime in June! Solve your problem, teach them English, hahaa.. but whenever, things will get clearer for us in Spring and then we can make plans...
Hey Saffie.. I have heard of that, it looks interesting, thanks. Beats all these astrology textbooks I have been reading ! Sadly though, I dont think I could bear to leave my cat behind for a whole year !! Sad I know.
Well...
HE EMAILED ME !!!!! VERY friendly... apologised for not being in touch, he has been out on site (I guessed).. and he has paid �200 in to our joint account, which is more than enough to cover the boiler certificate I arranged.. and he really didnt have to do that, nor did I ask. Told him I wsa thkning of giving him a ring (my tenants have got rats!!!! He blocked the holes up, soI was going to ask him where).
But he was chatty and jokey and warm....making an effort on a Friday afternnon before leaving work !
