I am with your sister on striving to do the next 'right thing.' Thank you for your support and your urging me to do better for myself and for my children. I know that sometimes the way I communicate comes across as aloof and arrogant, but that isn't intentional. I've never been lower than I am right now, but I am working diligently to override my self-deprecating propensity to shove and store negative thoughts into my memory storage banks, leaving little to no room for positive, affirming, forward looking memories and thoughts. It's been a vicious cycle that I am working to disrupt, to structurally change from destructive and counterproductive to constructive and productive. Part of that process is changing how I communicate (type) to BE more positive as my new norm.
Affirming my belief that my positive, forward motion WILL come absolutely will get me unstuck from my muck. I didn't realize how far I had let myself sink emotionally. The amount of mental energy to change such deeply ingrained negative, viral thinking and behavioral habits and the intense focus on acquiring a new POSITIVE attitude, coupled with the integral changes in me that are necessary to move away from WHO I've allowed myself to become spiritually, emotionally, and behaviorally has been both overwhelming and debilitating.
The good news is that I am smart. I am working through the fear be preparing SUFFICIENTLY to do my mandatory tasks to get unstuck from my muck and move positively forward though initiating ACTION. Just Do It, Baby! I won't lose the fear, I'll just fight through it, blow it up, scale it, climb over it, dig under it, whatever it takes to conquer it. I'm moving forward. I don't like the place to which I've allowed myself to sink, and I'm going to embrace that feeling as my inspiration to set myself straight and make myself and my life right. Thank you, Flicka.
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
