I'm glad things are going well for you...the statement you made to h is not weird infact it is something you can find in cards...I bought such a card...well after h's a but before seperation...it simply said..."I'm loving you loving me" I bought it just becuase...but then realized that it was actually a valentines day card...I told him about it but never gave it to him because it was a valentines card and it was dec or jan at the time...don't know where I'm going with this...other than perhaps inlight of my doing such things BEFORE the seperation...I no longer allow myself to do them now...all the nice little cards I used to buy..now I don't...all the ily's I used to say...now I don't....am I screwed? I don't know.
anyway....things really do sound like they are going well for you...it seems that when you put your fears asside and accept that most of the junk is your own (albeit a result of h's indiscretion in the past) you pull yourself up and seem to have a wonderful r with h.
Quoting lostlove: I no longer allow myself to do them now...all the nice little cards I used to buy..now I don't...all the ily's I used to say...now I don't....am I screwed? I don't know.
Hey LL --
Screwed? nah. Maybe gun-shy? Perhaps it's time to leave a nice card for h? Or tell him ILY? (TBH, I didn't realize that you weren't saying that to him...or do you mean that you rarely say it?)
Quote: anyway....things really do sound like they are going well for you...it seems that when you put your fears asside and accept that most of the junk is your own (albeit a result of h's indiscretion in the past) you pull yourself up and seem to have a wonderful r with h.
Yup. We have come A LONG WAY BABY. And, to be fair, my fears and insecurities existed before h's straying. 'course, his a hasn't made it any easier to deal with them...
when I relax, stop the mind chatter, focus on the present, HEAR what h is "saying", well, all is well.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Screwed? nah. Maybe gun-shy? Perhaps it's time to leave a nice card for h? Or tell him ILY? (TBH, I didn't realize that you weren't saying that to him...or do you mean that you rarely say it?)
sure I could leave him a nice card...sure I could tell him I love him..sure I'd get a thank you or a reciporical ily...sorry I'm not playing that way.
h doesn't say ily...
if I do say it..wich I've stopped doing...he will say something like "I know you do" pause.."and I love you too"
I'm not interested in that crap...if he doesn't want to initiate saying it own his own then I'll just go without.
Quoting lostlove: sure I could leave him a nice card...sure I could tell him I love him..sure I'd get a thank you or a reciporical ily...sorry I'm not playing that way.
h doesn't say ily...
if I do say it..wich I've stopped doing...he will say something like "I know you do" pause.."and I love you too"
I'm not interested in that crap...if he doesn't want to initiate saying it own his own then I'll just go without.
LL
allrighty...May I ask...are you upset about something going on at home right now?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
talked to h a bunch of times today...got quite a few emails, too. He proposed a plan for us tonight...gonna meet me for drinks after he studies at school and I go to a meeting. Cool.
I need to remember to not overwhelm him with my drive towards action...it's good stuff when we both make plans and decisions.
Other very important thing...h is going out on a limb with me, too...he's vulnerable, too. It's not just me (I'll bet) that's scared...MY DOUBTS and FEARS...while I know that they are focused on me and my insecurities DON'T feel that way to him...to him, it feels like judgement sometimes...I need to remember NOT to trounce on him...to keep him safe, too. That may mean holding onto myself thru some scary times. He's done a great job reassuring me even without me asking...let me take that to heart and quiet some of the fears in my head.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: allrighty...May I ask...are you upset about something going on at home right now?
Sage
tired...just very tired...tired of the peacful coexistance...tired of not really feeling like there is a relationship here...tired of waiting...tired of not hearing h say ily..tired of h's lack of motivation to actively work on this r...tired of the fact that despite the fact that h knows and understands my needs and wants he is content to let them go unmet and sit back expecting me to be happy just because he is...tired of wanting more and never seeming to get there.
just tired sage...I don't have time or desire to pick myself apart any more than I have for the last two years (and more) I don't have the energy to assume full responsibilty for the stability of this m. I'm tired of holding the rope and wondering if there is anyone on the other end...or knowing there is someone there but they have the rope in their back pocket while they are busy taking care of everything else.
just tired is all.
I am really happy for you and shiney that your h's are opening up to you...that you are able to e-mail and spend time together and all that...really I am.
for me though...sending notes or saying such things as thank you for loving me or I hope you know I love you..don't work it's just more of the same..for me the only thing that seems to get h's attention (and of course not always) is to practically give up...it's a pathetic game of cat and mouse that has been going on now for almost 12 years and I'm pretty well fed up with it...I'd like to be a grown up and have a grown up relationship..these games are tiring...I've got better things to do with my life...sometimes I think I would be better off alone.
Quote: tired...just very tired...tired of the peacful coexistance...tired of not really feeling like there is a relationship here...tired of waiting...tired of not hearing h say ily..tired of h's lack of motivation to actively work on this r...tired of the fact that despite the fact that h knows and understands my needs and wants he is content to let them go unmet and sit back expecting me to be happy just because he is...tired of wanting more and never seeming to get there.
Did you write that LL? Or did I just say almost those same exact words less than 2 wks ago? God how I understand your frustration...I've lived it, I can FEEL your words and they make me sad because I knew that apathy all to well.
It can change though LL, I wish I knew how to show you or tell you how to make that change happen in your sitch. My heart aches for you because I do truly understand where you are coming from right now.
It means a lot to know that my support system is out there....
