Hi Michelle! Well.. I have to admit.. I'd been drinking last night, lol.. we all went to the bar afterwards (not him though, he dashed off, pah!). As he grabbed his stuff to leave the hall, I saw him steal a glance at me.. so I looked up as he left and noticed he was wearing the same nice brown/orange pumps (not trainers) my ex wears !!!! You can tell a lot about the shoes a man wears.
I also realised this morning that this guy possesses many of the qualities I find attractive in my ex, that I didnt think I would find again for years.. he's very sweet, gentle (only one of the people I sparred with that wouldnt grab me tightly!), funny, self-effacing, shy, kind, beaming smile etc etc.. and also, he is the exact same build and height and broad shoulders as my ex and his whole demeanour, the way he carried himself.. it was as though he was channelling my ex! In a different, very handsome face!
Anyway... he's defo probs 10 years younger than me, so not relatioship material, but.. I wouldnt object to him practising his press-ups on me!! Hahaahaha
I am feeling pretty good today.. I've got this increasing sense of happiness...its not there yet, but I can feel good things looming over the next 6 months. I guess I have a feeling of excited anticipation!
I always said I wanted answers and they still keep trickling in. Now I know why he never invited me to his flat!! Cher told me that Helen owned a house in that village my ex moved to last Jan when he left me! Unbelievable!! I always suspected he moved there because I knew she lived at her parents nearby. I even said that to him after the bomb, but he denied it. She was living at her parents whilst renovating it and was still doing that when Cher and BMF met her last October...but I have a feeling she has now moved in..just as my ex decides to move out to a village up the coast, so not in with her! He has had to do that, to break away from her and the R. I imagine its been a struggle, he must have been pretty obsessed with her.
I cant believe he moved across to that village to be near her last year! I do believe nothing happened until Aug 08, but THATS why he didnt want me going there.. its a tiny one main road village, he wouldnt have wanted her to see his ex coming and going from his flat. Thats why he kept coming over here and wouldnt give me the address for 5 months. He didnt have the confidence to ask her out, so he waited, until she made a move on him. And now it hasnt worked out and he is realising what a fool he has been.
If I wasnt an astrologer and aware he's been in the grip of an unhealthy, obsessional Pluto-Venus transit since 07, that compelled him to do all of this, I'd be pretty cross! As it is, I actually feel kind of sorry for him.
Wow!! He actually moved there to be close to her? He must had been really attracted to her then... Too bad it didnt work out for them..., NOT!!! LOL!
Keep your expectations low. Anything could happen. He may meet another girl that finds attractive now, maybe he has already found her...
I am simply trying to "ground" here. You know I want you to be happy and loved. I just think that for your own well being, you must not connect your hapinness with his choices which are anyway still not related to you.
Keep your Galing and PMA and dont get carried away. Time will tell, it always does... Love K
Hi K! Its ok... I know.. this is HIS year, for meeting his soulmate, getting M, start of a new 10 year period. And the village he has moved to has lots of nice, educated 30 somethings, so yes, he could meet someone new !! So far though, he said just last week, that he misses me! So, he'd have to meet someone better than me hey (NOT POSSIBLE! Lol). Plus BMF said this week to DEFINETLY keep 'waiting'.
Seroiusly, its a good job I understand, I've been there! It is attraction, a deadly attraction and no good comes of it. I had a nasty Pluto-Mars transit when I had my EA.. it IS obsessional and makes no sense, its like a drug, an unhealthy addiction. Like my ex, this OP made no sense either, all my friends said, my ex was the better man, better looking, WTF was I playing at !?? Just like his friends say to him. You know its wrong, but you cant stop it, it takes over, its like being possessed! But its NOT love.
If he feels anything like I did, the whole thing (probs 2 years) will have been full of ups and downs, exciting but also a nightmare, which he will be sooo relieved to be free of its grip when it is finally over.
Its not bad though, its opens you up, transforms you, teaches you what you really need.
...I got a higher offer today, but turned it down..but still havent emailed him and none from him. Its hard to understand that, in the context of the things he said about me. Before, if he wasnt contacting me, I would ASSUME he was no longer interested and was done, but thats not the case.
I thought that in December, when he was NC for 3 weeks, but BMF's W said he was talking about me the whole holiday and didnt know what to do about me (he told BMF that in the summer). Now he tells BMF last Thursday about how he cant help thiking about me all the time. And how he is going to break up with her, that she doesnt 'get' him or his humour like I do. Thats all wonderful and vindicating to hear..then.. nothing !
But just because he has been saying these things for a year (since his, "I think I've made the wrong decision" last February) he still hasnt DONE anything to move to reconciliation....I dont get it !! Is this just an example of a very long and slow, drawn out internal thought process??? Much like my thread, lol.
Yep, it was still too low! Waiting for a 'best and final' by the end of the week. This is the general mood of the moment, from the excellent Micheal Lutin...its just how I was feeling, absolutely:
Wednesday
seems like nothing is happening? other than worry and anxiety that is?
New cycles are beginning but you have remember that we are between two eclipses
at the end of a retrograde mercury an old cycle is ending and a new one is beginning
you have to let go of the old patterns and fantasies to let this flow of new energy come in
WHICH IT WILL
every miracle demands the maturity
to give up situations (or people) you have outgrown or have outgrown you
I've been exam scribing, bless her she was running out of time, so I gave her an extra few minutes. I couldnt help it! she was clutching a penguin for good luck!! hahaha, I'd be rubbish in any authoritarian role.
I got a nice reply from my ex this morning from my email Friday, very warm and chatty, with a 'humorous' tone.. so he was trying to make an effort. I replied because he was asking me the latest on the flat. His emails are so different now to the ones pre-Christmas, although, still lacking in personal pronouns! Funny.
He didnt mention he has moved house and I didnt ask. I kept it light, warm, but slightly mysterious...
He said it was Brilliant! and amazing! that I am on a sailing team, so that seems to have caught his attention, which is a nice by product of doing things for me...I want to go climbing next !!
Meanwhile, I have been getting real clarity now about my future. I can 'see' it.. I couldnt see more than 2 weeks ahead for the past year. Now I see where I want to live and what I want to do, mainly involving have lots of outdoor fun!...the life we should have been leading. I feel like this has been a case of "life interrupted" and I can see my future now. We'll see.
LOL!