No.. I was going to then chickened out? ran out of time? And now I have been feeling a bit stupidly sick about it! I really took it to heart that you said leave it 3 days, 5 days,lol...so I never emailed him! But theres no news yet..the estate agent said he will put a higher offer in tommorow (but will he hey?).
Cher was emailing me all day asking me about it all too, when I got the offer and had to tell him about it, I told her I wasnt sure about approaching him, that I didnt want to bother him or stress him out, and then today she said...
"You must stop worrying about *ex*, I know its really hard but he will come to you. You must make sure your ok not him ! Best to not email until you have news."
...and she will know what BMF and him talked about, so I wasnt quite sure how to read her, very oblique comment! Unless it was just general advice. What do you think K? He's gone anyway and I wanted to email him today.. but he didnt email me to ask what was happening..but I thought I would just reply tommorow.
No I know, and anyway I am feeling ...maybe he is letting go of me. He did say some friendly things in his email, but that could just be...being friendly. He hasnt called for over a month now, so thats not great. Its all about letting go of something right now, for Leo's.. but then I was hoping it would be Helen of course.
I feel like a beginner again, like back to last Feb, when I needed help with every communcation with him, like he is very mysterious to me now. But, I need to go back to being mysterious and brief, like I was last Feb..I'm feeling pretty discouraged, I thikn because he didnt use either my present, or this flat offer as an excuse to phone me.
I need to try one last ditch "do something different" in my communications with him. If I get an offer I can accept, I will have to deal with him a bit, as there will be things to sign. I wonder if me selling the flat (which is in his name) will make him say anything about our house (in joint names), but I doubt it! Tommorow I will try...
Ali - I've been reading you on and off for a year and it seems there is a repeated theme in your postings/thinkings around your need to 'connect' with him. You often talk about what opporunities you have to contact him - if and when he contacts you - how you'd like to have the "good-bye" talk with him etc etc.
I know that with your concious brain you think those are rational feelings - and I do know (from long hard personal experience)the desire just to talk to them. God knows I've drunk and dialled enough times to be an authority on that feeling.
But girlfriend the KEY to DBing is to accept that this has to be on his timing. This isn't about you. It's all about him. When you call him, send him a present, write him an e-mail he will perceive that as pursuit. When he hears from your mutual friends that you've been asking about him - he will perceive that as pursuit. You HAVE to give this man a chance to miss you. Even the energy you put into thinking about him is subconciously (or energetically) known by him. You have to LET GO of him - and you need to do that to give him any chance of knowing what life will really be like without you. You also have to do it for your mental health and your capacity to recommence your life.
Right now, he knows that you will look after him. You'll look after his investments, you'll keep thinking about him, you'll be there if he gets sick of his girlfriend - you are his backstop. You deserve better than that. You are no man's fall back - nor are you his mother.
Ali - you are obviously an intelligent, interesting person - why are you letting your emotions for this man hold your mind hostage?
I know it takes a long time. I reckon it took me 3 years to get over my marriage breaking down - but it only happens when you detach, GAL, have a PMA and focus on yourself.
Good luck.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Hey Walking, thanks for reading and for your helpful perspective. And of course I agree with you, 100% abut letting go! I know what its abuot though.. its fear isnt it? Fear that if you finally let go, dont pay attention, dont reply to an email, then thats it, he's gone. But he's gone anyway, I know! I am better than I was, but annoyingly, not where you are yet, no. Cant wait for that day! Its all a process though hey...
Re the finances.. he wont/cant take responsibility.. I cant ignore it, its in joint names and my credit is already screwed from times I did leave it and wait for him to step up and he didnt. Oh.. and the friends that tell me stuff, volunteer the info.. I do listen avidly (can you blame me?!) but I always stress.. please dont tell him you were talking to me about him and they say the same to me.. they are concerned to break his confidence. I get that he has to miss me... so this is the first time I HAVENT replied for 3 days! Quite an achievement!
Anyway.. as I was wondering if I should email today, I got an email from Cher...She knows whats going on.. she would TELL me to let go, if she thought it was appropriate, yet she just said this...
"About *ex* (PLEASE REMEMBER.. I am not a relationship expert, so don't blame me if I give poo advice ) but don't chat to him re: him sounding down or anything, just keep your conversations light UNLESS he brings it up!! Email him today to give him a flat update and be really cheery etc!!"
...so she isnt saying much and I still wont ask, but looks like she thinks I should carry on as I am, being light, fun, but she must think there is still a possibility of reconciliation, else she would be urging me to move on/date. She is a VERY honest girl, but her and BMF are rooting for us to reconcile.
Oh....I said I wasn't going to comment again and here I go. I apologise in advance.
I'm a Leo- can't you tell Ali? I find your thread very interesting and enticing - I love all the horoscope stuff - but at the same time it's like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Let's go right back to the beginning. If I remember right, your ex asked you to marry him twice. Now from my experience, one refusal to a Leo wounds pretty deep - lucky to get the second offer I feel....and no surprise that offer was retracted when you wanted to accept. A leo expects an offer to be accepted with fanfares and great thanks at the very time it is made....not later.
We Leos's are pretty loyal, but you give us reason to be hurt and rejected, it takes a lot to change us back into wanting to feel the same way about that person again.
We also have a very lazy side to our natures so having someone else take up the slack of some repsonsibilities and know that you can trust them to do so is great. Just feed them enough attention to keep them doing it for you....and that's not a conscious thought......we just kind of do it. After all, we deserve to be looked after. We also like to be liked and don't really want anyone to think badly of us....so we are going to be nice when contact is needed.
Ali, I read your thread and I see that you are getting out and doing stuff.....but it seems that you do it so your ex gets to here about it rather than because you want to do it. YOU are worth so much more.
Please re read this thread and see how much you seem to live your life around what your ex might or might not think, what Cher might or might not know, what X might be saying to y. And if you think that those people that talk to you about your ex aren't talking to him about you then you are being a little bit immature; people love to gossip.
I know you are hurting. It pours out of your posts. Please, see that this guy has gone. He is financially tied to you at a time when the economy means it is hard to untangle your assets. He has no reason to do anything other than be pleasant and keep occasional contact with you until all that can be sorted. In fact he would be foolish to be otherwise as it would just end up with increased legal costs etc.
I now sit here agonising over whether or not to hit the post button or not.
Tell me this. If he contacted you today and said he was sorry - he had been a fool, he wanted back with you, what would you do? I would be so scared that this person would do this again to me if I were you.
I fail to see from your posts how you are able to keep up such hope for him to come back when he appears to really give you no reason to think that that will happen.
Darn it, I will post this. I don't think it will change a thing - you will find a way to reason around my comments, but Ali, I just want you to stop hurting.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
No.. he wasnt hurt and rejected by my M refusal, we were both pretty anti-weddings and had the same opinion about it all, it wasnt a big deal in our R. Its not why he left!
I'm NOT getting out and doing stuff so that he hears about it.. He has NO IDEA what I do.. he never asks. I'm not happy with comments like that. I have depression still, my pyschotherapist wants me to take ADs, but I'm exercising instead and I dont need more negativity Saffie! I'm SOOOO proud of myself for how much I have changed and grown and getting out, socialising, exercising, you have no idea, this is all ABSOLUTELY for me! Not him. I just got on a race sailing team too !! I'm soo excited.
None of us know, I dont, you dont.. he's not here to talk for himself and he doesnt talk to me.. so you are judging this sitch through my prism. Well, someone who does know, is his BMF, cos he talks to him.
And no.. I woulnt think he would do this again. People can learn from their mistakes and change.. otherwise.. you may as well post to everyone here, especially all of those in Piecing. As an astrologer, I understand the context under which he has done this, Plutonian lessons are life changing.. you dont REDO them, once you learn, theres no going back. Like I have changed.. theres no going back for me either. Maybe you could be a little more accepting?
Talking of astrology.. today, Venus is conjunct Uranus on my Sun and Jupiter is conjunct the Sun on my Venus....
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly
I've got a major alignment coming up later this week. Uranus is at 20' of Pisces, slap bang between my Sun at 18 and Mercury at 22. This is once in a lifetime!....and on Thursday and Friday, Venus is conjunct Uranus... both on my Sun/Mercury. Thats once every few hundred years and massively huge for me, falling where it does. At the same time, the sun is conjunct Jupiter on my Venus, happens only once every 13 years. I think something is likely to be revealed later this week and into the weekend that will shift something for me.
... I'm at college and I just realised I got an email from Cher earlier. Her BMF helped my ex move house last night, into a shared house with friends (not Helen) and Cher told me...
"BMF just told me that after talking to *ex* again last night he thinks you two will be getting back together very soon. He is on the brink of finishing with Helen. He will be coming calling pretty soon!"
Wow, thats a pretty huge shift! I wouldnt expect him to come calling straight away, if he does end it with her, or even to necessarily want me back. BUT.. we stood zero chance whilst he was still with her, so this is good news. And yes, I would see what he has to say, listen, suggest MC, give him another chance, like those peeps in Piecing, as hard as it might be, but I would give it a try, to rebuild the R/trust, if he does "come calling". I've been close to him for 13 years and I havent felt, even now, that our connection has been broken, the love is still there, so I think its worth a shot, to try at least.
On the depression side - have you come across 'Learned Optimism' and 'Authentic Happiness' by Martin Seligman? Also Positive Psychology - The Science of Happiness and Human Strengths by Alan Carr, ( and no NOT that Alan Carr!!!!!!)
I have struggled with depression as I told you before. With the help of a clinical psychologist I got of my AD's and I was pretty heavily drugged up for a year or so after my suicide attempt after my H dropped his bomb about his A. I do know what it's like to be like that - I think that's why I find your sitch so compulsive.
Piecing is hard....but if you manage to get there it is wonderful when it works. DBing is for life.
I want this to work for you Ali, really I do. I know it may not seem that way......but I do.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
) but don't chat to him re: him sounding down or anything, just keep your conversations light UNLESS he brings it up!! Email him today to give him a flat update and be really cheery etc!!"