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Ok, now that I have more information from H about how he feels about me, it's time to reassess my goals.

"What parts of your relationship do you want more of?"

I would like H to initiate friendly contact either by phone or email.

"What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to 're-create'? "

I'd like to see H look at me with pleasure in his eyes.

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?

I'd like to feel detached from whether or not H wants to be married to me.

"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"

When my H stops detaching from me he will start initiating contact.

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What parts of your relationship do you want more of?

- Time
- Honesty
- Affection
- Fidelity

Pretty much what everyone else wants, right?

What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?

- Spending time together as a couple
- Knowing everything about H’s life instead of guessing and finding out after the fact
- When H would go out of his way to make me happy, even on little things
- When we talked about the future together
- Knowing that H would never even look twice at another women.

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?

- H to ask about moving home on his own
- Honesty about things that I do that bother him
- H to initiate the plan making by asking me to do something
- H to invite me to be with his friends again
- The OW issue to go from something he denies to something he regrets
- An apology for H’s responsibility on the downslide of our R
- Myself to be more secure and not as jealous
- The secrets to STOP

"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"

When my spouse stops avoiding conflict at all costs he will be dealing with reality and be honest with me about the things that bother him. Everything will improve from there, because we can then re-build trust, have a good foundation for communication and be getting what we want out of the relationship – consequently I will go from being the bad guy to one he wants to be with.

To be fair, when I stop trying to micro-manage the relationship I will start controlling only myself and not react in anger and insecurity when things don’t go according to plan.




"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." --Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
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What parts of your relationship do you want more of?

definately comunication.. i feel that was the breakdown, i didnt know what W was goin thru inside her mind and heart which led to her abrupt action of leaving on the spot without any warning.

What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?

being together at home and making plans for our future... being in each others arms... sleeping together again close in a hug... experiencing the love from her i never knew was fading.

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?

w will stop looking for an apt of her own and come back from her friends house... w and i will talk about all the probs that we see and lay it all out on the table to be worked on... w and i will renew wedding vows... w will never feel the need to hide things from me on how she feels due to fear of rejection.


"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"

when my spouse stops running, she will be back home ready to tackle our R and be willing to make improvements WITH me.



"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."
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Up!!!!!!


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
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Goal Setting Rule #1 -

"Think about what you want, not what's missing"

Instead of concentrating on what you don't like about your marriage, take some time to concentrate on how you would like your marriage to be.

What parts of your relationship do you want more of?
More open and honest conversation. More intimate moments such as long drives.


What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?
Our wedding day. Lazy days when we would just laugh and joke and do nothing but be with each other.

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?
Open and honest communication. Friendship.

"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"


Nothing I do Seems to work!
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My 3 Goals are:
1. Reconnect with my H.
2. For H to return home by April (my 35th B-day is in April)
3. Get H to agree to attend Michele's next seminar.

Are these goals obtainable? Right now I have a better chance being hit by lightening or winning Powerball!!!
But I will continue to hope, pray and read Michele's books.


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none. Shakespeare
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^


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
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