You do, Jeff. Ever watch the movie Willow? The high Elwyn, played by Billy Barty, is interviewing new people for an apprenticeship to become a wizard. He walks in front them, holds up his hand and asks them:
Quote:
The power to change the world resides in which finger?
One by one, they are eliminated as they choose the wrong finger. The last one Willow, hesitates, and chooses wrongly as well.
A bit later, the wizard asks Willow why he hesitated.
Quote:
You may think that this is stupid, but, I was going to choose my OWN finger.
The wizard told him that he was CORRECT and that someday, he was going to be a powerful sorcerer.
Jeff, the power to change your life lies in your own mind and hands.
Make the decision to let go and move forward. Start having fun again.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Howdy old friend! Sorry to hear that Christmas was a downer. I know what you feel. This was the first year I put up the Christmas tree. Kinda of a family thing before the D.
But like the rest are saying....you need to get out there and stop moping! There is a big world out there for you to experience! You just need to get going!
You have followed my thread for a while and there are some new updates to report (yes, after not seeing the XW since Dec 2007!)
But I have to say, after getting off my a$$ and starting over, life is not bad. Not what it was....just different. Good...but different!
Hang in there and next time I check back, I want to hear that you got out there and did something for you!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I feel much, much better. I had an enjoyable time by myself after the kids went to be with mom Christmas through New Years. Got some things done, did some great holiday cooking, and overall got into a better frame of mind.
I reassesed my terms as a man, went through some old stuff and tossed things that no longer defined me, and did some soul searching. I even started a diet after New Years and I am down seven pounds!
Life is good again and I am looking forward to 2009.
WTG Jeff...the journey starts with ONE step. Now..pick ONE thing Jeff. ONE new thing that will get you out among the living/women/friends/ etc and JUST DO IT.
Pick up the phone.
Fill out the application.
Check internet sites for meetups, etc.
Just one and get going.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Jeff, it was I{me} that was weeping. WCW does not weep at the computer. She admits that she weeps in the shower.
Or has done. I really do agree that if things don't change with within a year, with your crappy marriage, that you are out to sea on a life raft and there are sharks circling...
I have not embraced my fate as shark food. I have treaded the marital waters for too long. I can see the island, but I am a weak swimmer... I keep struggling not to seem like a vunerable seal. I try to be attractive, but not in a seal-like way...
Jeff, you are so funny and nice but now I am wondering if I am more sharkish than seal-like. I feel worried that I was too mean to "Fixer". It is a little too easy to be outspoken about someone else's long-standing problems than it is to address the troubles with my own.
Your grief caught up with me in an odd way. Some of us have been at this for such a long while. I hope that you are doing better and figuring out good ways to be contented with things as they are. Best wishes to you... the birthday kind and the everyday sort as well.
I feel so good I cannot stand it. Must be b/c the holidays are over or maybe it is the 9 deg weather here. A record for this day. I like the cold so a bit of this is good - but I feel for those who deal with it all winter. Also, some snow would be nice
I still am wondering where all the anger went. I keep expecting it to come back but it has not.
Former W emailed me that she enrolled the kids in Sunday School and that she wanted to take them on my weekends too. She said that "S11 asked me to ask you..."
I believe in Sunday School but I try to maximize my my weekends with the kids. I dropped out of church before the divorce was final. I lost my faith to a degree and how she can sit in Sunday School each Sunday is beyond me since divorce is against everything our church stood for.
I was more put out that she did not coordinate with me ahead. So I called her on it; this is a boundary. I told her that I would not even THINK of enrolling the kids in anything on her time without consulting her first and that I would never play the "S11 asked me to ask you" card which only makes the parent a bad parent for saying no.
She emailed back in a non-defensive tone and told me why Sunday School would be good for the kids and why she did it.
Boundary enforced. She should have coordinated better.
I granted her this weekend to take the kids but am still thinking the long term. I struggle with Church and the welfare of the kids...
Today I took my son to his first basketball game of this season. First time I saw former W in person in months.
She looked good. And a wave of emotion took over for about one minute ...
Then nothing.
I cannot explain it. No longing. No regret. No anger or frustration or hate.
Nothing.
I sat there next to her and she had nothing to say. No hello or small talk. She even offered our daughter some gum - but not me.
I just smiled and watched my son play. It did not phase me. If that is the way she wants to be, fine. I was really indifferent.
Then at half time, she looks at me and says "how is your job?" I said fine.
Then she said "I would like your opinion"
I thought an ugly scene was about to happen but instead she went on to say she was offered a different position at work and what did I think.
I always was her sounding board for her career. So I listened, validated, and offered suggestions, without *fixing* it. She seemed pleased and treated me better until we departed. She even mentioned working on her resume - I always helped. I almost felt she was going to ask me to proof read it - but she did not.
Almost like old times - but not. Not even close.
Oh well.
Life is good. I am so glad the feelings are currently under control. At least for now.
