Christmas is not a happy one this year for many reasons: a broken family, a freefall economy, my job being at risk, and my emotional state at a real low.
My dear Jeff, I've been asking this for years now. What are you doing to poke out of your shell? what are you doing to get out of the house and talk to people? What are you doing that will put a smile on your face?
still hopeful, is your signature line accurate? I haven't followed your sitch but was trying to do the math. Affair in 2005 and you have a 3 year old?
Did either of you guys happen to catch the story on my thread about the couple celebrating their anniversary but they didn't know which year to call it? They had to D and blow $100,000 to realize they wanted to be together. The W broke down and cried and called her xh after she saw him out with another woman on a date. They have been remarried for a year now.
While a small group of us were listening to their story we had bits of all kinds of convo, including that it was so easy for them to throw their hands up and say "I am done" instead of staying to work it out. They had to be apart before they could figure out how to be together.
What are you guys doing to be attractive to your xw's, or any woman, or any person you want to be friends with?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Wonderful WCW. Although controversial to some, many should read Cunningham's recent newsletter on staying attractive EVEN THRU DIVORCE. He wrote a powerful column. You hit the nail on the head.
Jeff..you had pushed ahead your deadline to the present vs spring for getting out and starting anew. What progress have you made? Start making that list....pick JUST ONE THING...and do it.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
As the song goes this is "the most wonderful time of the year" but when you are divorced with kids Christmas Day is also *exchange day*.
I just gave my kids back to former wife.
It sucks. I felt for them on Christmas morning opening presents without their mom here to share their excitement at what Santa brought.
This is my third Christmas like this and I don't think I can stand another. This one was very painful. I did the best I could for the kids - we had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas morning - but the joy was empty in places. Important places.
We went to see my mom yesterday and exchanged presents. While the kids and I were there, mom gets a call from of all people former wife. My mom is hard of hearing so former W was speaking up and I could hear her call my mother "mom". Then, mom calls this morning before I am fully awake to tell me that former W called her back late last night and invited her to dinner today.
Somehow this all made me very angry. I don't know why. Or maybe I do.
Yes, Christmas is a wonderful time. But not for me. Not this year at least.
I lifted this from frank_D's thread. It says so much in just a few words.
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Regardless, for the men on this board there is one thing and one thing only that we need to do and that is to get back our Manhood. Let go of the hurt little boy and realize that our entire life, our future loves, our happiness all depend on us choosing to be ourselves.
Not choosing to be the wounded puppy who got abandoned, kicked and left out in the rain. Get angry. Get really angry. You let this happen to yourself and only you can change it.
The trick is making it happen. Only four little things holding me back: anger, frustration, fear and despair.
Lose these, drive these down, and self-esteem returns.
Manhood sounds so....sexist or whatever. Why not just step up and be a strong person?
Whatever you want to name, just do it. Pick yourself up Jeff and get moving. You've held on long enough to the bad emotions. You are absolutely right to lose those!
So buddy, what is your plan to start TODAY?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Manhood sounds so....sexist or whatever. Why not just step up and be a strong person?
We're talking about men being men.
Is there a club to join with admission fees?
I understand what you are trying to say, but seeing it happen would go a lot further in proving manhood than just writing about it.
So back to my question, to both of you now - what are you doing to change today?
I was addressing your comment on it being 'sexist'. It is not. We're talking about men, not women vs men. That's my only point. Well, that and what triggered you to feel like you had to respond with the 'sexist' remark.
I am not talking about being the dominate macho male. I don't even use the term *alpha male* b/c of I believe that it has a negative sexist side.
No one likes the agressive macho jerk strutting his feathers and challenging other males to fight. At least I do not. That is being a little boy really. Think governor of Illinois.
A man being a man is being all he can be while embracing his masculine. The key attributes for me are integrity and honor, the strength to be assertive and do what is right all the time, courage to face fear head on, respect and compassion for others, loyality, quiet leadership by example and action, and perserverance.
Women should do the same but embracing their feminine. You can use different words but the concept is the same.
It is all about the *inner game*, how you feel deep down about you. When a person has their inner game on track, the outter game follows.
To be the person who "has class" or "has style". In all they do.
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So back to my question, to both of you now - what are you doing to change today?
Good question. I am working through my issues and looking within to find solutions. Remember, men are solution oriented. And with my INTJ personality, I need a plan before I charge.
But you are correct, I need to get out too. My life will not change by itself unless three spirits visit me on Christams eve. Yes, GAL is part of the equation.
But it is not in itself an answer. I can get involved in many things: hobbies, volunteering, even dating. I would stay busy but in reality, without working the real issues, it is only avoidance behavior. Staying busy but feeling empty, dating but feeling alone.
No thanks.
Staying busy and getting out all the time is no substitute for real happiness.
This is all a process. I choose to focus on my inner issues now, confront my demons, and then my GAL plan to support me.
My whole life plan will only be successful if I approach it the right way.
