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#1676791 - 12/18/08 05:00 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
Amy M Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 1163
Loc: Florida
Nope...we are working on our settlement together. I have the draft in my hands. As soon as I add what we agreed to last week, I'll send it back for his final agreement. After that, when he can make time in his schedule, we'll file.

We are only using one attorney (hopefully), mine. So, I have to file. But, I didn't choose this so I intend to make him go with me to turn in the paperwork, etc. Should be very simple after that...90 days tops from start to finish.

I've given up the DBing to save the marriage mostly...except for the "dropping the rope" part. I don't see anyway to save a marriage when there's another person involved. I know there's a chance that the R they have won't last, but I can't just hang here and wait. I'm not made that way! So, I'll keep working on moving on...and, I'm doing just fine!!!
_________________________
Me 39 H 36
S 7 S 4
T 15 M 12
H out 8/1/08
OW confirmed 8/6/08
D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!

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#1676795 - 12/18/08 05:06 PM Re: My Story [Re: Amy M]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
So is it a "dissolution" then? That's what it's called in Ohio - when you basically agree on everything without attorneys battling it out, but you have an attorney throw in all the legalese.

You know, if it's something like that, the ONE good thing about it is that you don't end up fighting in court - typically that turns into digging up every little bit of dirt, and getting extremely dirty and nasty - typically ruins ANY good feelings you might ever possibly have.

I'm really sorry to hear where you are, but really glad to know you're OK. I dropped the ultimatum, and if I found out about another date, I will be right with you. I've offered a dissolution to W - said I would be willing to discuss/negotiate, and it would only take 30 days in Ohio to be final, but she said she didn't think it would adequately protect her.

Anyway, unfortunately, I may be right with you pretty soon - W's biggest issue is that she is self-destructively stubborn. She would go through divorce, and lose everything, just to do it.

I'll be thinking and praying for you - I hope you feel like me. My conscience is completely clear - I have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to save this relationship.
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#1677713 - 12/20/08 12:45 AM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
Amy M Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 1163
Loc: Florida
Hey, Jon!!! Happy Friday to you.

I'm out of town this weekend...visiting some of the girls I met here on the boards. A weekend full of fun and shopping!

But, I wanted to stop in and say, "hello" to you.

Yes, I honestly feel I have done all I can. My conscience is clear, and one day, when I have to talk to my boys honestly about what's gone on here, I'll be able to do it without any regrets on my handling of the situation.

I hope you have a great weekend!!!

Hugs to you!
Amy
_________________________
Me 39 H 36
S 7 S 4
T 15 M 12
H out 8/1/08
OW confirmed 8/6/08
D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!

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#1677997 - 12/20/08 06:25 PM Re: My Story [Re: Amy M]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
I'm having an incredible weekend - with family, took kids to roller rink try out their Christmas present skates, and it was a riot. I hadn't skated since I was like 15, so 15 years later, I found out that skating is like riding a bike, you never forget. I had such a blast...

Hope yours is great too!

P.S. I found out about another date, and am filing divorce, so bummer. I hate every minute of it, but I have to be an example to my kids, and I have to set boundaries. The wimp in me wants to say, "No, man, you should have said you would just frown very hard, but you gotta do what's right." Sheesh.
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#1677999 - 12/20/08 06:41 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{Jon}}} Ugh..I hate to read that about the dating and having to set your boundary..I am one of the gals Amy was hanging with this weekend and I realized somehow I had NOT seen your thread, tho, I know Amy has been taking good care of you..she's great \:\)

Sounds like you had a GREAT time, which is good..it's amazing how much we "forget" that it's okay to have fun and be like a kid when we "grow up" isn't it? \:\)

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



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#1678009 - 12/20/08 06:49 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
SingleDad Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 365
Loc: Western New York
JonF - What a rollercoaster ride, huh. There are so many similarities among the WAW its scary. Except my W left and has never wanted to come back - but she does call me most days to discuss our daughter.

Learned she is having an affair which I thought was over... but its back on.

I know I will never have a chance to starting over as long as she has an OM.

What you are calling Dissolution I call mediation... both spouses meet with a mediator to agree on terms - final document then is reviewed by both sides attorneys - saves a lot of money when attorney's aren't using legal means to get both spouses to fight with each other and rack up the legal bills.

I am also of the view that you need to fight for what is right, and not just bow down to what the WAS wants, expecially while they are having an affair. It will help you sleep at night and for years to come.

As far as the mediation - be sure to fight for Joint legal and physical custody with as close to 50/50 parenting time as possible - do not limit yourself to becoming a McDonald's dad with weekday evenings - get the overnights we well.

Good luck to you.
_________________________
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3
T:7.5/M:4
D Day: 1/24/08
Legal Separated: 6/12/08
BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08
Suspect BF pre-dates D Day

http://tinyurl.com/Original-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Second-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Third-thread


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#1678112 - 12/20/08 10:08 PM Re: My Story [Re: Tawnya]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Tawyna,
Thanks for your comments, and stopping by! I went and read up on some of your history. Your have been through so much more than me, and handled it so much better, I feel sort of sheepish.

I could only find the thread on your signature though?

Anyway, yeah, it stinks - I almost feel like I'm starting over. Although I will absolutely follow the divorce through to completion, I hope I won't have to.

I'll be honest - I have not, up to this point, actually and completely started DBing honestly, and I can see fruit already - although my situation seems like the worst it's ever been. \:\)

Keep in touch!
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#1678114 - 12/20/08 10:13 PM Re: My Story [Re: SingleDad]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
SingleDad:
It is sad - the positive is this: for whatever reason, the odds have been tilted heavily in my favor. It would be almost impossible for me to not get 50% or full custody - I prefer 50% because I want kids with their Mom. I am well protected financially mostly because W made several statements that our marriage ended previously, that our marriage is just a piece of paper. Hurtful statements, but in Ohio, they stand up in court!

She doesn't know this, but she will get very little, will get no part of my business I own, etc - really really screwed, but you know, you make your bed, you lie in it!

I have the kids now over half the week, and love every minute of it!

Thanks for commenting!
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#1678187 - 12/21/08 01:25 AM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
Amy M Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 1163
Loc: Florida
((((Jon))))

I hate that you found out about the date. But, I think standing your ground is likely the best way to play it. You can't share her, and I'm almost certain that she won't work on the marriage if there's someone else involved.

I'm praying for you and your kids. Maybe things will turn around for you before the papers are completed!!!

Skating...wow...you are a very brave man!!! I'd be so scared I'd kill myself...I mean, I wasn't very good at it even when I was a kid. Can't imagine how bad I'd be now.

Love to you!!
Amy
_________________________
Me 39 H 36
S 7 S 4
T 15 M 12
H out 8/1/08
OW confirmed 8/6/08
D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!

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#1678316 - 12/21/08 11:27 AM Re: My Story [Re: Amy M]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{Jon}}} Don't feel sheepish at all..goodness you are going thru so much too..we all are...

Thank you for reminding me I needed to change my post in my signature LOL \:D

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



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