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#1679903 - 12/23/08 09:44 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: Tomato
Sis

GAL'ing (and in literal fashion this w/e for U)! I wish I knew what that was all about. The silence and loneliness is all consuming right now for me. While I am surely still "going through the motions", I think I am going through the EMOTIONS more than that. I made sure to go to church today and seeing the little ones put on their production was well worth it but I can not shake the sadness right now. It is just too thick to cut through. Dead silence and loneliness. My dog doesn't bark much (though I did recently teach her to "speak" on command) so I am forced to break through the silence with high decibels of RUSH concert music. They have always been my staple..my mainstay and something that lifts my spirits and causes me to smile.

I guess this post should have been on my own. But it is a lonely place also \:\(

Guess I will go read the Word and pray here shortly. He has all the answers. I just haven't been willing to submit to Him lately.

Glad to hear that you had a blessed time with the girls!!

T

"And His kingdom shall have no end ..."


I am glad you pulled yourself together before I had to traipse to the frozen North to smack you around a bit. You know from where your strength comes from. About time you got back on your knees to ask Him to take the burdens that you keep pulling back from Him. Love you, T!

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




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#1679904 - 12/23/08 09:45 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: S.T. _I Made It!]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
I'm so jealous of your get-together!!!! I hope you guys had a lot of fun, I'm sure you did. and I totally meant to mail a little stick figure of me or something funny! darn!

well, smw, I will be waiting to hear how your weekend went, I bet it happened just in the nik of time.



Yes it did, and I feel so much better because of it!

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679905 - 12/23/08 09:46 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: Tomato
Hey Crissy ....get with the program. DH = darling husband

Even I knew that one for about the last few months now anyway.

LMAO

Aren't you so glad that I can at least get a laugh out of poking fun at you \:\)

T


I see Tomato set you straight for me. LOL

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679910 - 12/23/08 09:50 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: S.T. _I Made It!]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
hey, I was thinking more about your email.

I think although you were direct, it was vague too.

remember when you said he obviously didn't want to communicate anymore.. or something like that. I think this could be vague. He may have no clue how you came up with that...since he is so caught up in himself and may only be seeing the things your doing to him, not what he's doing to you...

Next time perhaps it would be better to say... "Because I was sending multiple emails about the children and I wasn't receiving responses to most of them I assumed that you were not interested in them so I stopped." Then he knows exactly why.

speaking of the email, has he responded to it?


glad YOUR team had a good day. my team did not. \:\( but we're still in the playoffs anyways, and we'll be in the superbowl so it doesn't matter. lol


He did respond--I posted in one of my other responses from when you guys blew up my thread over the weekend. Since Friday nothing, then today I get one asking if D9 started her treatment and saying he would call tomorrow. No time frame and I have a lot of last minute things to do, so I will have to email him and tell him that he will have a hard time reaching us then, too. You would think he would call them on Christmas Day, but I guess not.

Yes, my Skins had a good game and the last play was OUTSTANDING! No playoffs for us, but we are working on screwing up other people's chances \:D

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679915 - 12/23/08 10:00 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Phoenixdeux]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: Phoenixdeux
I'll chime in.

Your life should not be dictated by your husband's perceptions of you. Know what? The reality is that divorced people don't send their XW e-mails to read to the kids and expect a response. You pick up the phone and you call them. Your life is not on hold waiting for his next call and e-mail. If it were me, I would stay so busy that I didn't even check my e-mail more than 3-4 days a week and I'd only respond to half of them. That's life. If he has a problem with that...just tell him you've been busy.

As Ian said, you are too worried about what he's thinking or what impact your actions have on him, rather than focusing solely on yourself and your own growth. He's a fully functional adult....if/when he wants to be part of your life, he'll make it clear. If not...still his problem. Take ownership of what you can control.


I am on the computer all the time for school and communicate with professors and classmates via email. He knows this and knows I check my email several times a day. He has been told we are busy--did that around Thanksgiving when he called and spoke to me about D9. He did not seem remotely interested in what busy consisted of for anyone so I did not bother filling in the details. As you said, if he wanted to know, he would make it clear.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679921 - 12/23/08 10:07 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Phoenixdeux]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: Phoenixdeux
ST,

I know they aren't divorced. And being under faith that your marriage will be saved doesn't mean that life is on hold waiting for that chance. You make it happen. Men do not respond to kissing butt. They respond out of fear...fear of losing something they had. His e-mail indicates that he's questioning whether it could be over...it isn't a bad thing to leave him in doubt about where he stands. If SMW lets him know she's still on the hook...he'll be content to let her stay there while he figures out which of two women he wants more.


Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful--it would mean he was actually thinking instead of existing in his bubble for a change. I believe marriage is a covenant--he did once too--but I guess if he changed his mind, he might begin to wonder if I could change mine. We'll see.

For now, I have gifts to wrap and kids to keep amused! Candlelight services tomorrow night at church, Santa, reading Luke 2 to the kids before gifts, inlaws visiting in late morning Christmas day, dinner at my mom's, cousin comes to town on Friday, party at my mom's on Saturday, church on Sunday, New Year's Eve party on Wednesday, and back to school for me on Friday of next week. I want to take the kids to the movies on New Years' Day, too.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679922 - 12/23/08 10:10 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: ernest88]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Originally Posted By: Phoenixdeux
ST,

I know they aren't divorced. And being under faith that your marriage will be saved doesn't mean that life is on hold waiting for that chance. You make it happen. Men do not respond to kissing butt. They respond out of fear...fear of losing something they had. His e-mail indicates that he's questioning whether it could be over...it isn't a bad thing to leave him in doubt about where he stands. If SMW lets him know she's still on the hook...he'll be content to let her stay there while he figures out which of two women he wants more.


exactly...he's on a ship..his only contact (when he chooses) is via email or phone..I think she should be very mysterious and not tell him what she is doing..let him sweat a bit and wonder what she is up to..what a better time to detach?? he's away..she should be detached beyond detached..this time should be used for her..and the kids..


And that's the rub. He cannot give us exact times for calls, as who knows what phones are going to be like, and I feel like I am being evil if I am not willing to sit here. But the reality is, I am not under obligation to sit here anymore--he chose that, not me. I am moving past it the best I can.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679931 - 12/23/08 10:22 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: mishka422]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: mishka422
Wow SMW! Your frustration is coming through loud and clear and I for one am glad for it! You can't bottle all this crud up and stay sane. Let it fly woman!!!

Yes, your H is acting like a spoiled 4 year old who isn't getting his way. I'm sorry for the pain he is inflicting even through his not being there.

I honestly don't have any advice to give because I obviously was a complete failure and turning the other cheek and all that jazz. Just know that I am here supporting you fully and praying that you will have success in saving your M from the disaster your H has made of it.

Protect your babies and hold them tight. They will have fun with their grandparents on Christmas day and maybe with the grandparents there you can have a little alone time to reflect on all the wonderful things that have come to you this year......LIKE US!

Love you sis!!!


Wow Mish! I was on such a posting run, I did not see yours in the middle of it all!

I think having Amy and Tawnya here this weekend helped me a lot, along with all the things I am finally able to get to for myself.

I am seriously considering taking pole dancing lessons in January. I might even let that little activity slip out to my DH. Let him wonder why I decided to do that all the sudden. For me, it will just be fun and great exercise!

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679934 - 12/23/08 10:29 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: GoingForward]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
SMW,

I don't think I made my point very clear. When I asked if you guys could respond to his emails, I meant the kids. Can they send Dad emails to talk about their days or whatever they want to share with their father? Can the kids each type up letters in Word and then maybe you could send them all as attachments in one email to DH?

I think, if anything, he is reaching out for contact from home, from his children. Regardless of what is going on between you and DH, it is my opinion that they need to try to maintain some kind of communication with their father. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to run...didn't want to have anything to do with my H....BUT....we have 3 boys together. There have been numerous times when I just had to put my feelings aside and help keep the bond going between my sons and their father, no matter what H did to "wrong" them and me. H could walk out on me if he wanted, but I wasn't about to let him walk out on his children.

I am sorry you are feeling all that you are right now, sweetie. I can imagine just how difficult it all is.

(((((((SMW)))))))


Only one of them is old enough to actually read or type--well that is not true, but he never emails D17 anymore--so I have to be the secretary for all of this.

When I was sending him that info, he didn't seem to want it. I have tried, even again today, to get the kids to email him. they told me that they would email him later on. I told him that I thought their dad would like to hear from them. D9 said "then he should call like he said he would." Unfortunately, D5 takes her cues from him. Right now, S3 is only concerned with whether or not Santa is going to fit down our chimney!

I am fine. Getting out, without the kids, for an entire day was awesome and I am going to figure out how to do it again one day soon!!

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1679935 - 12/23/08 10:30 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: StrgMarvelousWmn]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Alright, now that I have blown up my own thread, I am off to go to the bank and grab something for the kids to eat. Got a paper to finish tonight for school and then a week and a half off.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
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