Try not to have to much alone time. I don't think it is good. For me I just filled up with sadness. Sometimes is ok but just be wary. Getting away and having fun , takes your mind of everything AND then things get a little easier to deal with.
Make plans during the week for the weekend. Even when it is sooooooo hard to go out. JUST DO IT. You wont be disappointed in how you will feel in the next few days. Works a charm.
That's what's so awful about all of this. My daughter, who's 4, told me last night that she's very sad because her mommy doesn't live with us anymore and she's very disappointed that mommy doesn't sleep in the house with us. That's what's crushing...
It's over. The end of my relationship ran its course very quickly. It's only been since October that my W moved out, but she's been determined to end our marriage since the day she left. Yesterday we got into another big argument about nothing and everything. I asked her once and for all (this after hearing her tell me for at least 25 times that she wasn't interested in being my wife) if she was considering reconciliation. She said she wasn't, so we argued again this morning about why she would walk away from a relationship as old and loving as ours once was, and she just said she was no longer interested in this marriage. She's never been on her own and she wants to find out who she is away from me. We argued and in my heart I knew that all this interaction was doing was hurting any possibility of a future for us, so I called her back to me and I said, "I love you enough to let you go. I hope you find what you are looking for." I began weeping violently, she held me and cried as well. I was crying so I hard I began shaking. I honestly felt just like I was at a funeral. This was the most excruciating thing I have ever done, but I felt it needed to be done. I love my wife with all my heart, and I knew if we continued like this we would get to a point of hatred, so I didn't want to risk that. She started talking about dating other people, I told her that I would not be dating anyone, at least not now, and that my focus was on myself and taking care of the issues that have plagued me (insecurity and jealousy mostly). I told her that I thought her rushing into a relationship would be a big mistake and would only stifle her efforts to address her own issues (trust, forgiveness and faithfulness). I told her those issues would follow her wherever she went. She said she felt that she was addressing those issues by leaving (obviously not reality). Anyhow, she is now in God's hand where she should be. I can only continue to pray for her and love her from a distance. I am so sad and hurt, but I am looking forward to whatever God has in store for me. Please pray for me that I will remain faithful to the Lord and in my sadness not turn away from His sound word. I will continue posting and checking in w/others, as I have found this site to be a refuge for me in the past few weeks. I wish I had found it earlier in my relationship...
I'm very sorry for your pain. I too had a violent sobbing episode just on Sunday, when I got back in my car, alone, after calmly and fairly unemotionally discussing with my wife our definitive plans to move forward with divorce after the holidays.
Then in my car, it just hit me.
Hang in there. Who knows what the future will hold once she sees what lies on the other side of the fence. "Letting go" is not the same as "giving up."
Thank you, Puppy. Manly hugs back at you. You're right about letting go v. giving up, but I just don't know what more I can do other than give up and let her make her own decisions. Last night, maybe out of guilt, I'm not sure, she made me a nice dinner and we watched a movie together. We had a nice time, as friends of course. But this morning, I told her I didn't feel like sitting around the house all day. I threw out many suggestions of things to do, but she shot them all down saying she wasn't up to leaving. So I finally got myself and my D dressed and told my W that I was going to go to the mall and take my D to her favorite indoor park. Well W immediately got an attitude and hasn't spoken to me since I returned from the mall. I swear I just can't figure her out. By the way, she doesn't live with me, but she's always here because I'm in the house while she just has a room that she rents, so while we aren't together, we're constantly in each other's presence, which I think is bad for both of us. Don't know how to change this since she can't afford a real place on her own....
Hang in there. Who knows what the future will hold once she sees what lies on the other side of the fence. "Letting go" is not the same as "giving up."
Manly Sopranos-style hugs,
Puppy
Yeah. I think they tend to really fantasize the "greener grass" life that they will have when they don't have you holding them back & causing all their problems. At some point, I would think they lose a little bit of that fantasy when reality intrudes. I've seen that happen here, but then sometimes I'm sure maybe the WAS is too proud to admit to making a huge mistake or maybe the LBS moves on and finds someone also. I'm letting God kind of look out for me, not really looking to rush into an R or anything. Maybe just look for friendship after D and maybe it'll lead into something or not. Continuing to GAL and work on myself, become stronger and healthier, and happier no matter what happens... Wimpy, girly hugs to you too! Karen
Thank you for the wimpy girly hugs, those are the best kind (no offense Puppy)! Sounds like you have a good plan. God will look out for you, and I definitely think forcing or rushing a new R will only rob you of finding true happiness and finding yourself. I'm in no rush to be in another R (even though my W has started talking about her desire to date and even told me that if I wanted to go out I should--yeah, thanks for the permission WAW!). Anyhow, I continue to pray for my marriage and she continues to be the love of my life, so until that changes I'm just going to focus on me and pray for us. Of course, my hope is that my love for her will continue despite her disdain for me, and that my prayers for us will be answered. I just have to trust that God is big enough for this and he knows what's best for me. You keep your head up!
Journal: Today was a horrible day for me. Last night ended on a good note despite the horror of the morning. We enjoyed dinner and a movie together here at the house. Today was just really bad. I was depressed all day. I never seem to see her depressed, she just always acts so happy and light hearted. That hurts more than anything she intentionally does to me. Every time I hear her laughing and joking and singing it just cuts my heart in half. Today I saw her setting up her new facebook account and she was downloading a lot of pics of our daughter from our various family trips and it really hurt me to notice that there weren't any pictures of me. I mean not that I expect there to be, but it just really hurt to see her downloading those pics and talking about them but just purposely making sure I wasn't in any of the pics she chose. I feel like I've been cut out of her life, which I guess I have. She also played some songs that are very painful for me to hear, one was "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed and the other was "I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp. Both songs are very personal to me and both really link to my sit, so hearing them really hurt. I had to escape to the spare room 3 times today to sob. She saw I was depressed, so after putting our D to bed she sort of stormed out with her usual attitude. I told her I wasn't mad, but sad, but she just said "ok whatever, I'm leaving so you can have your space." It's as if I'm not allowed to be sad. Maybe I should be happy like she is. Maybe I should run around singing and dancing and joking and laughing. I just don't know how to hide my feelings. I know I need to appear happy around her, especially if I'm going to make myself and our family attractive to her again, but I just can't get over my pain. And nothing seems to work anyhow. I'm very down tonight so I'm going to go to bed now. Goodnight all.
At some point, I would think they lose a little bit of that fantasy when reality intrudes. I've seen that happen here, but then sometimes I'm sure maybe the WAS is too proud to admit to making a huge mistake or maybe the LBS moves on and finds someone also. I'm letting God kind of look out for me, not really looking to rush into an R or anything. Maybe just look for friendship after D and maybe it'll lead into something or not. Continuing to GAL and work on myself, become stronger and healthier, and happier no matter what happens... Wimpy, girly hugs to you too!