Hey Kristi, I’m so glad that you took time to let us know how you are making it today. It sounds like you worked yourself up into getting a sick headache and those are bad. I hope you do not develop blood pressure problems over all of this.
I am pretty sure I would have blown it also if my H acted like a two-year-old saying, “Don’t touch my stuff”. Makes me think of Bill Cosby’s stand up act where he is talking about his little one saying, “Mine, mine, mine”. That sounds very immature for a employer who manages other people at work. I bet he doesn’t act like a brat at work…..at least I would hope he didn’t. I have had the misfortune of working under some “brats” that were training to be higher up in authority and they are a pain in the neck. But, I realize what you are saying. However, maybe this is the only way he can cope and not break down (God forbid that he would do that!) and it is his way to stay focused on what his goal is…….to get away from you (to put it bluntly). So, he goes in there acting like a jackass.
It is so hard for you to see him in your home putting on his “employer’s” suit and this “act” that you can see through. You want to see the man you married and he is determined you will not see that. So, the war begins and you end up crying b/c it is killing you to watch all this happen in front of you. I cannot believe he acted like he did over that wedding ring and now he’s doing this number. I hope he will get all his things that he doesn’t want you to touch and get the heck out of Dodge and leave you along and stop putting you through this crap. Man, his timing is something else! But, that shows you how insensitive he is to you right now. And….that part about calling you? Pleeeease! Why? So the two of you can get into another yelling match? I was proud of the way you answered him.
Maybe one way to help deal with this is to realize that the man you married is not there now. You will grieve for him, sweetie. You will grieve over all of this. I think that was part of what happen yesterday and it got the best of you. You have to get the tears out……in order to start healing. However, I do worry about you driving and doing that, b/c I’ve done the same thing and it is dangerous.
But, anyway, I think that is one reason you are having such a difficult time seeing him be so cold b/c you want so badly to see that man you use to know…..just one more time. It is very, very hard to let it go, isn’t it honey? I wish I could make it stop hurting so much so you could get over this quicker. As AmyM has said, time has a way of helping. She is doing a wonderful job. Yes, everyone falls off the wagon when the wheels are pulled out from under you, but like you said, what is done--is done. You learn from it and try not to fall into that trap again, and resolve to move forward. Step by step. Hard little steps, but you will get there.
You have done great today. I hope you can just arrange to stay out of his way or be gone when he come to pick up some more of his precious things. I would be so tempted to put sticky notes on the things for him not to touch! But, then that would be lowering down to his level. Remember, you are being groomed to be a queen! Man, is he ever going to be sorry when he realizes what a fool he has been and take a good look at what he gave up! But you will be such an improved lady by then with so much poise and grace, with your life too full to give him the time of day. You are getting there. These are the hardest days right now. What a time for a family to really split up…..right at Christmastime…..but so many right here on the board are doing it.
So, just keep coming back and venting to us and get all that frustration and anger out so you won’t let that stuff build up until you get sick again. If that should happen again, you may want to get your blood pressure checked, unless you have experienced this before. Our emotions can do strange things to our body.
Just want you to take good care of yourself…….okay?
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Kristi!!! Hugs to you! It's Amy M...I'm posting under Tawnya's name cause I'm getting to spend the weekend with her. We have to figure out how to get in touch with you so you can join us next time around.
You are doing okay...I know the anniversary is tough. Take care of yourself! Love to you!!!
{{{Kristi}}} Now it's Tawnya Just wanted to say MAN I hate that you are having such a tough few days..but it is TOTALLY understandable..give yourself a break and if I'm allowed to blow it, so are you
Hugs and love!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I had a great night. I was went to my poker game. It was a lot of fun. And it really kept my mind off my H and our Anniversary.
I am so glad I didn't talk to him at all today. To be honest I am almost tempted to text him to tell him how proud he would have been of me the way I played cards. He always wanted me to get out and do more. And we loved to play cards with friends. And this was a real tournament..these ladies were serious players!!!
For some reason I thougth for sure he would have tried to call or text me, maybe even send and email today. I don't know what he would have to say. But since he said something yesterday I just felt like he may have tried to reach out to me. But nothing. I guess it was better that way. It made it easier and there was no fighting that way. But it was still kind of sad, because I would have liked if he would have acknowledged the day. I don't know why. I know it doesn't mean anything anymore. But still.........
Well I am pretty tired. I have a lot to do this weekend. I still have to go christmas shopping. A friend of mine was texting me and wanted me to meet him out tonight at the bar, but I couldn't go so we are going to go out Monday. Its nothing big, he has a girlfriend but its nice to make plans with some guy friends too!!
I think you know me way too well(that is sooo SCARY) I guess i am pretty predictable. ....Because I did text him. Not intially abt that, but as we were going back and forth I mentioned that he would be proud of me because of how I played. I think I was doing it so he kind of new that I did have a life and I was doing things without him.
Anyway..our texts were really friendly. We just both said have a great weekend then and I haven't heard from him. I don't plan on calling or talking to him at all.
I just got back in with the kids and now I have some cleaning to do and some online shopping to do. Later I am going out shopping.
Have a great weekend. Take care. And don't yell at me for texting this morning. I am slowly getting it. I know I should have just let well enough alone, but at least there was no fighting this time. Just fun friendly little messages.
LOL Kristi..good thing is that you can't hear the yelling by reading the words LOL..tho it certainly feels like it doesn't it?? I'm glad you kept it light and that the interaction went well..funny you made me want to text my hub by reading yours..he's off visiting his family..but I walked back to the computer without doing it LOL..
Glad you kicked some poker butt..I love to play poker and wish I had a group like that around to play with..that would be fun
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
No yelling...eventually, you'll stop yourself...like Tawnya did!
I can assure you both, when you are ready, you'll detach. It was strange...I was having so much trouble and then a series of events occurred in my life (the run, meeting the new friend in San Antonio, and a couple of other things), and all of a sudden, I wasn't really concerned that much about H and his business. And, after that happened, I felt so free.
I told Tawnya (cause I had a chance to see her last night) that I saw him on Thursday (twice) and I thought to myself both times, "You know, Amy, he's not all that!" That was sooooo cool. I know it's cause he made me so angry this week, but whatever caused it, I'll take it!!!
Hugs and love to you (and Tawnya who I know is ready along).
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Ya know the only postive that came from my texting that morning was later that day, he texted me a funny joke. I started to laugh and my D said what are laughing at. I said "nothing" because the text was inappropriate to show her. She said did Dad sent that to you. I said"yes". I sent him a funny reply. And she was so excited that I heard her walk over to my S and say..hey S..mom is laughing at something dad sent her..
I almost wanted to cry at that because it showed me how important it was for her to see him and I get along. He then just texted back to have a great evening and he would call me tomorrow!!
I really didn't know what to make of it. I just figure if we are going to get along I am going to go with it. It is hard, because I don't want to persue or pressure him. But I have a really hard time believing he truly wants this D. Maybe he does and he just wants to be friends and this is his way of doing it. I am not getting my hopes up.
Amy..ya know I have had a few of those moments too..where I just stare at him and think..you really are not all that!! But for some reason the love I have for him is still really strong and it won't go away so even though I recognize that he isn't "all that" I just can't stop loving him.
So please tell me how I find you too on FB.. or how to I get you my info????
Just wanted to say MAN I hate that you are having such a tough few days..but it is TOTALLY understandable..give yourself a break and if I'm allowed to blow it, so are you 