...hmm.. I HAD all that though..and was very happy...and then he got depressed, his feelings died, he decided he is too young/old to settle down (?) and dated someone 9 years younger !!
So.. its a lottery. I havent met anyone else in 12 years that compares to him.. although, yes I have grown close to a couple of men, but they werent the real deal, the whole package, just parts of. So where am I going to find this guy that will love and appreciate me and walk hand in hand on the beach !?
If I knew someone suitable, that I had feelings for.. I would go for it ! I wish I did, really I do.
Ali, I think we all do. I think someone should write a revision to the Cinderella fairy tale that we are all hoping for - but it needs to be DB stlye ... haha!!!
BTW - you give Helen too much credit of all of this. Your BF is unhappy right now & it deosn't really matter WHO he is with.
So your BF is in a band?? My H was too before the bomb.
6 1/2 hours left in today - then my H's 60 days are done for serving me D papers!!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
BTW - I think kelaaron, was right on in the statements on your 1st page. I totally agree, very valid points. I always wondered if I had an affair as well, if it would be easier for my H to deal w/our sitch ..... then we would have both been bad.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Me too. I don't ever want my XW back in her current state, but I am a bit lonely at this time of year. It is a time for togetherness, so I can completely relate w/you, my love.
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Its been a long year of high hopes and not much to show for it...
Ain't that the truth?
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If I knew someone suitable, that I had feelings for.. I would go for it ! I wish I did, really I do.
Lol, RTL--yes, it does seem that with Jeff, RTL and I, there are a few options for you to consider, Ali!!
But seriously, yes this time of year is really hard. I feel it too and I'm sure most of the LBS's on the board are experiencing everything from a "twinge" to a full on sense of blackness about it. I tried to approach Christmas this year to make it positive and happy for myself, but emotionally I'm not there yet, so instead I'm trying not to fight it, just to get through it.
Hang in there. I'll (we'll all!) check in on you again soon to see how you're doing.
What have you got on for the weekend? Have you thought about dating anyone new, just on a 'for fun' basis? I think internet dating sites can be quite good for meeting people and getting back into the swing of things (although I don't have much experience myself- a couple of my friends found partners that way).
I'm not recommending your start dating, but just wondered if it might be something a little different and give you another outlet for romantic dreaming?
Hope you have a lovely day today.
L. xx
PS> Can't believe it about BMF. Or maybe I can- you are devastatingly funny, attractive and smart!
Hey Rob and Purr! And Lisa! Thank you so much for the compliments..it must have been a 24 hours for it.. I had my Mum and my sis on the phone last night both telling me how attractive, intelligent, kind and funny I am ! They both made the point, you dont get ALL of those qualities usually in one woman...BUT.. my answer to that is, I'm not sure I am all that, if I really am amazing, why did he leave me???
Funny, that was my point about my ex, he has all the qualities in one guy. Oh and Rob.. you are way too good looking for me! I've seen those blue eyes on FB..
Woke up dreaming about the ex with the words "Its over. He's gone" rattling round my brain. We had that convo 2 weeks Friday in thh car.. he's been back a week and NC. I would say that says it all? But your ex caved after his holiday and look at him now! BUT.. I had a revelation. I cant believe how I have been acting. My Mum said fight for him...he had contacted me every 4 days since I told him I knew. but...I blew it.
I should have just been myself, regardless of the outcome. I should have phoned him sometime over the past 3-4 months. Especially after that night he cried and told me "whats the point of it all?". I've been too 'cool' becuase I was worried about pushing him away. I should've tried harder to just be his friend.
I looked back at our pattern of emails and I always tried to be funny and capitalise on contact, but then he was out on site for 5 weeks so he didnt always reply, which I misinterpreted. I've seen him twice since end August and he told me he missed me both times, but the 2nd time, he added a BUT on the end. I have been replaced, more and more and he isnt keeping up contact like your H Lisa.
No, I wouldnt date, I'm an I'm-in-love so I'm in, else I'm out, kinda person. I worked out why I am so annoyed about BMF.. ages ago, when his W left, I told him I had Jupiter conjunct Venus crossing my Ascendant soon..means someone will fall in love with me (I hoped it would be my ex)..the week it hit was the week he made it quite clear he was into me! SO.. this is a once every 20 year alignment.. somone did fall for me.. and the universe threw me.. a M man thats not suitable anyway! Thanks universe.
Meanwhile my ex found someone suitable to have an R with. I hear what you say MrsM, but he kept going for walks alone, last Aug 07.. and he phoned HER a few times when he left the house on his mobile. Thats why I quizzed him about her before and after the bomb (he didnt know I had snooped), so although he insists he wasnt interested in her then... they were in contact a year before getting together.
This weekend I am shopping with Cher.. shes going to tell me more about ex, if her bf tells her anything, bless her. So, my plan is.. to find out what she says and then maybe give him a call on Monday, just to say hello, how are you and if it comes up.. I accept its over and you are happy with Helen now.
Not only do you over-flatter me, but you sell yourself short, love.
Anyway, I've got to say that I hope Cher can provide you with something useful and concrete to go off of today b/c you need to get your car moving in one direction or the other.
This hanging in limbo has been killing you.
I'll keep checking to see how you are doing amd to hear how the day went.
So I met Cher all day..she told me that when her bf turned up to the pub Thursday, he must have asked my ex how he is doing as apparently, my ex said "I just want to say, right from the start, I dont want to talk about anything serious as it will just upset me"... WOW. What a thing to say to his BMF. I felt upset when she told me and I welled up. I said to her, he is NOT ok. I am worried, but what can I do?
Anyway, she also said, that her bf doesnt think it is right with Helen, as my ex is sooo unhappy and he shouldnt be. She also said, that my ex WASNT intending to go to Glastonbury with Helen (she told me ages ago he was going to get tickets).. but in fact he was going to go with a male friend from home. So that was interesting.. thats another assumption I had got wrong (that Helen is into music like me and him).
So.. it added to my clarity about JUST trying to be his friend. I think he is very low if he made a statement like that to his mate when he met with him. And what a thing for a guy to say to another guy down the pub! (although my ex is very emotional for a man). I am worried about him, but he has chosen to walk away from my love and concern and also my friendship. And I know him better than any of these BMFs and he tells me things he doesnt tell anyone else, as recently as 3 weeks ago, like how low he is.
Grrr.. why doesnt he break up with her! Its not right. Ho hum.
Good news that he's not taking Helen to Glastonbury. And a good lesson in not making any assumptions
How do you feel about being friends with him while he's with her? I know you've been having some trouble with the idea of him with someone else over the past few weeks (which is only natural, of course).
You know how it goes- depression, replay, depression etc etc. BF is only sticking a plaster over it with her....
