Look girly, at this point there's no right or wrong answer in your actions. Your doing a good job with what you got. You know my H OW was 10-11 years younger than both of us and never had any kids. She didn't have stretch marks, baby nursed boobies, nor birthing hips nothing. She had no responsability and was making probably about $10,000 per month at her job. She traveled globally, was foreign, you get my drift.... heck I wonder why he came home it sounds like so much fun! I'm just a simple girl from Arkansas with two kids, a belly pooch from babies,the girls certainly aren't nearly at attention like they used to be before kids, not working (going back to school)...hhmm now if your looking on the surface who seems like the better deal?
She was offering him a little house in Greece, a little fishing boat, everything she knew that could hook him. She even told him she was going to have her eggs frozen so when things settled between us they could have a baby together. H had a vas when daughter was 6 months old. He never wanted anymore kids, but he told her he would do it. He now says he wouldnt' have done it.
Heck, I never understood what or where she thought his other kids where going to disappear to. I guess she just thought he would abandon them like her dad did to her. She appeared to show great interest in my daughters relationship with my H though (in a creepy way) she talked a lot about her in their communications while barely mentioning the boy.
Sorry, got side tracked again in the pyschology of it all. LOL
What I am saying it really doesn't matter what the other package looks like because it's not about them it's about your H.
May God bless you and yours on this special day and just so you know SMW, I prayed hardest for the OW and still add her in every now and then....(she's a lost soul and I always pray that she has her own restoration with her own covenant husband and of course, her salvation).
Blesssings
Sandy--
I still struggle with praying for the OW in a positive way,. Most times, I just pray for God and the Holy Spirit to convict her of her destructive actions so that she will turn away from my DH. If that hedge of thorns grows every time I pray it, it has got to be HUGE right now.
I guess with the OW in my sitch being so much older than DH, the only positive I see to her is the empty house--since her kids are older than ours. She is sagging more, she has no goals or ambitions in life, and she is pathetic enough to find joy in a lifestyle that is destroying the lives of innocent children. Not much of a bargain there, huh? He will get it eventually. I just pray I have not grown so much out of this that I struggle to accept him back.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Take things slow and give her space and time to get used to the repentant you. If possible, get connected to a counselor through church. They will be decidedly pro-marriage.
while this is probably mostly true, even at my church my pastor (he was young though) said that it takes both of us to save the marriage. Now, to me, that is a wordly view as we know that we can save our M's single-handedly! well, okay, it does take two, but our spouse is not one of them! lol
SMW, I would suggest not holding back more emails/contact than you are. I believe you are being dark as much as you should be.
The other reason is that I believe you still need to be that wife that God has called you to be. It doesn't mean to go overboard, but I believe you still need to be present.
I believe that because of my attitude, not ignoring or going completely dark, but instead having an attitude of fun, carefree, not acting like anything he did bothered me (unless it was a boundary) and treating him as a friend that knew he wanted a D and I didn't pressure him to do otherwise, was the reason for my success. Of course I want to give God all the credit, not me, I was just following what I believed God was telling me.
SMW, I know this is going on for a long time, and I know it's really hard, just try not to let his ignorance cause bitterness for you, because I am sensing that. Try to really see the small positives as positives, for ex. the email to the kids, which was really really good. IMHO, I would be careful of your lack of responses so it doesn't seem as though your angry or don't care. But ultimately, do what works for your H, as every person takes things differently.
(((SMW)))
Crissy--
I am not bitter. I really searched my heart over your post last night. What I am is incredibly tired. Not just physically, but also in my mind, my heart, and my spirit. While the Lord is sustaining me, the holidays are still wearing on me. This is not a new feeling for me during the holidays when H is deployed. Adding the sitch on top of it has just made it more intense this time.
I gave up all relationship talk to him directly back in June, when he walked out of MC. That night was the last time I ever discussed it with him. Other than the letter I gave him on the pier in September, I did not mention it again. I then let sleeping dogs lie until I sent the card for our Anniversary. Even then, I acknowledged that the old was gone and we needed to build new on the foundation that we had started with years ago.
I am done with that now until probably around my birthday or so, in March. At that point, things will have to be discussed, as I cannot have things like they were back in August, before he left for deployment. I am beyond that and will not drag myself back down again, living a pretend life and him sleeping in D9's room.
I have some emails to post in a bit for feedback. Right now, though, a baby needs my attention.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
