I definetly want to be friends with him now, I'd even say hello to her down the pub with him! Its gone beyond that now.. I accept he is gone, but I see a man in a very bad way. The last twice I saw him, he was more tearful than me.. thats the wrong way round!! I'm very concerned about him. Its very sad isnt it?
Whats that about depresson and replay? I'd like to hear more on that, how that works. And yes, she is the stickiest of sticky plasters and she is possibly dragging him lower and making him feel worse about himself than he already does. She doesnt sound like a secure, nurturing person.
Oh and about my BMF.. you know I am friends with his W!! Not BF, shes a little hard work, but I do go for tea with her, plus I am super close to their young kids. So I just thought I am a mate, I never thought he'd overstep the mark, but then I have realised this year how trusting and naive I am, too trusting!
..did you see this!?? Paul weller splits with partner of 13 years Another MLC! He's 50, shes 23!!! (apologies its that horrendous newspaper, but it was the best article on google with photos). Just before Christmas too..
It is so sad how troubled your BF is right now. The problem is the only one who can bring him up is himself. Sometimes the best thing that can happen is for him to hit the bottom so he'll finally want to get back up to the top.
Until he finds it in himself to do the work, there isn't much else anyone can do. It makes you feel so very helpless, which is such an awful, sickening feeling.
It breaks my heart Rob, whats left of it, to see him fall apart as he has over the past 18 months, maybe longer, since his Dad went into that coma. I look back at all those years of photos, so many smiles, so many happy memories. I dont know what happened. My love for him remains intact. Either he doesnt love himself, or he just decided he loves someone else. I dont know. I know he is very unhappy.
I'll never forget that moment we walked into that hospital room and saw his Dad lying there. My ex sat down and took his hand and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.. how I would feel if it were me taking his hand and he were lying in that bed. His Dad yawned and opened his eyes but it was too late. I remember thinking, I never want to be apart from him, ever. I often went with him, but would wait outside the room mostly, as it was too painful, even for me, to watch him die. But my ex went and held his hand and talked to him every day for 2 1/2 months. He stepped out of the room one day and when he came back, his Dad had died.
Wow, that is very sad and tragic to hear. Your dedication to him is really strong. That's the tough part of all of this, isn't it? When the LBS still feels love and caring and a desire to be with the WAS, but it's not workable because he's not available to you (or others, I still really think he's very mixed up inside).
It's strange you know...your post highlights some of the life & death existential thinking that comes up when we have huge losses in life. I've been aware of how "the years are short" and yet found comfort that I had already found a great partner--that gave me the sense of being with the person I wanted to be with. Sounds like this was the same for you. And yet, the WAS is encountering these same fears but handling them in an opposite sort of way: fearful that there is something more, looking for a solution on the outside to something that is more of a problem on the inside.
Well, this is a tough road, Ali. It is sad and I can appreciate where you are at today with it all. You're posting very early in the morning your time, aren't you? I hope you get some sleep and build in even one or two kind hearted things for yourself today.
That's the Paul Weller of "you do something to me"? I apsolutely love that song... Well, he is going to find out that he cant keep up with a 23 yr old and will be begging to come back. Bets anyone? Common intrests my @$#!!!
Anyway, life shocking events like deaths take their toll on everybody... I know in my sitch my H's mother dying did. He said so this last week and she is dead 5 years now...
Hey Purr, bless you for posting and understanding, as usual! I will check on you.
His Dad being in that coma and facing death was a moment of clarity for me.. time to grow up (I wanted to get M after). But it seems to have had a catastrophic effect on him. I think that may be because my ex has a hidden darkness that only I know about. I guess I may never know, but I suspect thats why he left me. He couldnt stand that I knew. Helen doesnt know. She is a 'sleepwalker', I see them everywhere these days.
For example, my SIL sent me a card in which she had written "Have a wonderfui Christmas".. what planet do you live on to be so unconcious, so unreal? Whats wrong with these people!!??
Thats why I like Cher.. her Mum walked out at 15, her Dad abandoned her, her BFF killed herself.. ok, thats extreme, but she is not afraid to be real, honest, open. She is not sleepwalking.
Today, I treated myself to some VERY nice clothes :-) I need to look my best. Oh and its 7pm here!
Hi K! Wow, is it still affecting him then? I find it hard to let go completely, when I know and have seen so much, more than ANYONE. I cant switch off my compassion and my empathy sadly. I dont care about the new gf, I bet she hasnt got a clue. And why he is falling apart at the seams if he is with her and how the hell does she feel about it and WTH is she doing to help?? It makes me mad!
YES! That lovely song, my ex put it on the compilation tape he made to woo me, in 98. Paul Weller, the Modfather, what an idiot! Madonnas another one (50).. she's now with a 32 year old, like thats gonna last !!
For once.. it is not raining! But its freezing cold and I have a viral coldy thing, hey ho.
I emailed him Friday about our mortgages and how his holiday was. He didnt reply. Wonder if he will...
Hey Lisa.. I thought I had rattled on alot about his Dad and the coma and all that. Yes, it was grim. They decided not to put a feeding tube in (as he was brain dead effectively from the massive stroke).. so he went from quite large..over 2-3 months, to tiny in the bed and died.. of starvation.
I wasnt happy about it, as I know it causes pain to fast.. but they said he wasnt in any distress. We were though! My ex was very quiet and stoic throughout. His Dad would yawn and open his eyes and move about a bit .. so it was very freaky, he looked alive, but he was braindead and it was just basic functions...
Still, he is now dating someone else.. there may or may not be a link from that event to now!?
..thanks for the link!...my ex literally saw his Dad wither and die in front of his eyes. MLC heaven.
