Hey girls, I'm sorry I made you both sad. I guess I am feeling kind of.. washed up. Yep. I look young for my age, but its a constant downward slope now! (its not the same for guys Jeff.. my ex has got better looking and more manly with age). Plus, after a year of IC, I couldnt settle for someone who didnt have their sh*t together. I would take my ex back, as we have 12 years of history and whatever his issues are, I am fully versed in them! He doesnt feel as much of a lottery in fact, as some random new guy.
The age thing is not easy for me for two reasons.. I hadnt had children (and realistically its too late for me) and I am at college surrounded by 20-23 year olds. Its not good for me!
I'm glad I am going out tommorow, with Cher and my ex's BMf, but they are in the age group 26-29. Its ok, but then, that was the age span I started dating my ex and that feels like 15 lifetimes ago. I cant believe how much I've changed in the past 10 years. Its like the change between 8-18. Its huge.
I feel the same and I'm 27. I felt 'on the shelf' for most of last year but as you are discovering, the more you get out there, the more people you meet etc etc.
Ok girls, at 36 I have started menopause. Actually the doctor believes it started a few years ago already. Yes I do have S, and didn't want anymore, but it was still a hard blow to ego. Then I realized that I have way more in front of me. So I will say two things about that, if you are meant to have a child, you will, I got pregnant with S while on BC. My sis's third came while on the depo shot. So....Second, there are so MANY children in the world that need good loving families. My GF, tried for years spent thousands of dollars to get pregnant, to no avail. She adopted S and then when not trying actually got pregnant. Her sons are now 8 and 7. She has told me many times that there is no difference in how she feels for them. In fact, she has said she hated being pregnant and will never do that again, but she will adopt 10 more if she could. So don't rule anything out.
No Ali, i didn't mean too long. Only you can determine what is too long for you. And the still in love feeling, it is normal to have that feeling. Just because you may not be with someone doesn't mean you don't love them. But you do have to get to a point where you draw some sort of line in the sand so that you can live your life instead of sitting in a room pining away and becoming just as miserable as the person you are waiting for. I have learned that I can't waste my life away waiting for H to come around. I don't know when or if that will ever happen. But my happiness does not depend on him. I have to take responsibility for my actions and my life. And so do you.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hey Julia...yes, it gets harder as you get older though..but, you never know I guess!
Hey Kel.. gosh I'm sorry to hear that. I had my hormones checked 3 times in 6 years and they seem ok at the moment. We did look into adoption in Cornwall (he even told his Mum, a few months before he withdrew from me) and I would have been very happy to do that. I wasnt up for being pregnant necessarily.
I'm struggling with this.. line in the sand/letting go/detaching. To me its all the same, its giving up and NOT loving them anymore and that makes me so sad. But, he's gone. The doc said I was moderately depressed and I am up and down. Cher said Sat night is probably cancelled, which knocked me back a bit. Silly really, but it was something to look forward to. I cant wait to be out of this phase of my life...
Hi Ali, yes I have had my children and now a g/child, so I am truly blest. Grandparenting alone is not what I planned for though. Not sure about easier, in fact no it's definately harder. Even moving alone at my age was so much harder. You just don't make the same friends as easily without children. School gates are a wonderful way to meet new folks.
Quote:
I acutally think it is easier to meet someone at your age.. its so much easier to join rambling clubs, bridge, SAGA days out, bowling, or if you are young for your age (like my parents) your kids are grown, so you can go out socialising every weekend, if you joined up with some like minded woman. I notice as you post around the boards that you are quite down on yourself, age wise..
I don't mean to have a down on myself age wise, I say it mostly in jest. Also the financial implications of being D at my age after being a SAHM are huge, women D in my age bracket are notoriously hard hit,many living on the poverty line. We tend to be a proud bunch and never spend what we don't have. Usually no morgage so no help there and no dependants so again no help. Our savings are earning less and less so we just keep on cutting back.Not having had a career as such also means no pension fund. Note to all youngsters, please look after your own pension schemes!!!! very important. I have to work now which is fine but its all female environment. I do yoga and dance classes, so not ready for bridge clubs or Saga holls, couldn't afford them if I wanted to. and often they are in the day. I had my last child at 30 years and my D had her first at 32yrs. so time for you yet. I hope you manage to go out this week end and your do doesn't get called off.
Hey Naej.. did you do that thing in the 70s (my Mum did).. where M woman were allowed to 'opt out' of NI payments, and be on their H's pension? Its a scandal.. my Mums pension was worth £1.75 a week, but she hastily made some overpayments. Guess you arent likely to meet men nless you go where men are!!
You had a child at 30 and your D 32.. presumably ALREADY in a long term R? I'm nearly 38 and single..
Had a cry driving home from Christmas shopping.. it was all those "To my beloved at Christmas" cards that did it. Last year I said I wanted to be ok by this Xmas. It astounds me how heartbroken I have been, but he's the only man I wanted to be with for life. This will all be a bad dream (I hope) one day.
I'm really sorry, anyone whose still reading (!) been a bit tired and fed up for a few days...
Yes Ali, similar. I actually paid Superannuation, which you could draw out and i did as newly m and broke. Then I never worked enough hours to pay a stamp. I looked into payin back/making it up but I was told it would not be worth it. Yes my d met her H shortly after leaving uni but they didnt get m until she was 31.Careers come first these days. I hear you on the C,cards. I avoid looking, mind you I use to laugh at all the mushy b,day cards too and wondered who had the "perfect" H. I loved mine dearly but he was never perfect! You have to learn to be comfortable with who you are, really like yourself, be proud of what you stand for.Have firm beliefs and strengths before you can hope for a loving balanced LTR. I was with my H for over 40 years and I cannot tell you how hard it was for me to be alone or how much every breath I took made me so sad that I was still breathing.It isn't easy believe me, but we can't always have what we want no matter how much we love or pray or cry or whatever else we do. There comes aday when you just have to let go and live for you with absolutely no expectations of what the future will be. Your x or any man to come will not make you complete you have to do that for yourself. Life is such a gift and each day will never come again. Yes I have my children but I cannot live my life either through them or for them although initially they were the reason I clung to life,but they have their own lives and I would hate for them to have to consider "mums alone" when making their choices. Soooooooooooo what plans for the week end?
Hey Naej.. my Mum overpaid... she raised her state pension from £1.75 to £35 a week now! Travesty. I hear you on the letting go. I looked at something in my chart today which made me feel a little better.. its always been there.. its the South Node (the tail of the dragon) in my 7th house (1:1 R's).. this is a life quest to NOT get into, or stay in, unhealthy R's.. which I had done before my ex. Lessons, all lessons.
So today I went and bought nice C cards for my family members, becuase Mishka suggested I should! Thanks Mish! Everyone deserves my love and thanks for carrying me for a year! I also bought new makeup and clothes, because I can (I have no idea what I am spending or where it is coming from!)
So, I am out overnight with Cher and ex's BMF and gang.. I think Luke Skywalker is going too, so I will try a little flirting! I may even go wild and buy him a drink.. My ex is back tommorow...(feel a bit nervous)
Hope your having a great night out, looking hot and flirting for fun!
Couldn't your mum get her pension on your dads NI contributions? Not sure if they are still together tho.
"My ex is back tommorow...(feel a bit nervous)" Why, no don't tell me. Get that rubber band on your wrist and twang it every time your mind wanders in that direction.
My ex is back tommorow...(feel a bit nervous)