I cant let him go, I want to, but I still love him.
I guess it really sunk in today, how upsetting it was to see the man you love say "forget me, I'm dead, I'm dead"...he said this Aug 07 before he left and he said it again in July. My BFF, who has had depression, said he was talking on a very personal level and that yes, he meant, dead inside.
(At least I know he's not in love with her.) Its very upsetting. I wish he would come home. I dont want to rescue him, I just want to be there, not that it would make any difference, he's too far gone. Too damaged.
We had a couple of 'our songs' this was one of them..."Everything that you've done keeps you from me."
Come back to what you know, Take everything real slow I wanna lose you but I can't Let you go.
Before you interfere Let me make it loud and clear, that you got no more to prove. I'm a fool.
So take it easy on yourself, There's nothing new about regretting how you felt. I'll never let you down, Or ever feel the way that I've been fearing now.
Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing. Everything that you've done keeps you from me. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right. I'm coming back to what you know, Cos I know that I need it now it's gone. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right
So hang on to what you've got, keep it safe. Hang on to what you've got, Keep it safe from harm. You'll find. There's nothing new that we can't leave behind.
Come back to what you know, Take everything, real slow, I wanna lose you but I got, Far too high To let go Now the demon in me knows, What I knew so long ago
Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing. Everything that you've done keeps you from me. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right. I'm coming back to what you know, Cos I know that I need it now it's gone. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right.
So hang on to what you've got, keep it safe. Hang on to what you've got, keep it safe from harm. We got time. We got time.
Coming back to what you know won't mean a thing. Everything that you've done keeps you from me. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right. I'm coming back to what you know, Cos I know that I need it now it's gone. Now I know that I need more time, Come back and let me see you're right.
Come back to what you know, Take everything real slow, I tried to lose you, But I got far too close.
I think the conversation you had with him was very significant--not necessarily because it points to any particular future direction for things--but because it lifts some weight off of your shoulders. It's like he is able to better own some of his own issues and difficulties in all this...and not only from a detached, intellectual place, but showing the angst and struggle he is going through. At the very least, this really is important to take home with you that here is evidence of how much of this is about him, his issues and struggles. Please remember this. I can imagine how hard it is to see him hurting and struggling in this way. You are really trying to be true to yourself in this by trying to figure out what the boundaries are in this mess--how much to support him, how much (and what kind) of contact to have, how much to keep your heart open.
It's almost like knowing how much he is struggling frees you up a little more to be you, to not be owning all of this. I identify with many parts of your story...it would be nice to have my W. be a mess in front of me in a sense, for these reasons.
BTW, I saw you on FB and you look almost exactly as I had imagined you!! Weird!!
Hang in there, feelings all over the place is normal, so I am told repeatedly : )
Ali, you are doing just what I knew you would do but hoped you wouldn't.
Quote:
(At least I know he's not in love with her.)
How do you know, how do you know he isn't telling her the same thing. Ali I am not trying to pour cold water on your speck but I would hate you to fall right back. You cannot believe a word he says right now. Yes you were tog. 10 years, quadruple that and I heard very similar. Please don't make more of his words than what he said, wait and watch. I am not saying you won't get back together at some point. Remember that we don't always get what we want but we do always get what we need. Yes I,m a Stones fan! Demonising the OP will not help you.Continue with your life. Stop analysing every word, please.Let him come to you, treat the journey as just that a shared lift. Heaven help us how many threads will you fill after 4 hours alone with him!LOL Ali I am only joking-well about the thread. I do worry about what is verging on obsession.Take care.
Ali, I just read what you posted about Kalni and her horoscope, that is really strange because when ever I read them I always feel Capricorn (which is my x's and yes I still read his and mine) is more me.Would that be possible as I am the opposite to him being Cancer?
I know it's a bit of a cheek when I just gently 2x4 ed you. Still love ya.
Hey K! Yes, it is a lovely song isnt it. Takes me right back 10 years!
Naej..why not start your own thread? Its been 8 years.. I am curious about you you know. It depends which way round your chart is, they arrange the charts with a certain rising sign.. its hard to explain!
I know he isnt telling her the same thing. I saw at times this summer, out with his brother, cousin and best friend from when he was 7..he would be laughing, joking, turn to me and then in a second, the mask would drop from his face, his eyes would go dead and fill up. It was the freakiest thing I've ever since.
"You cannot believe a word he says right now" - I dont agree, I felt he was brutally honest. I think he is VERY depressed and I am concerned about him and I'm not going to apologise for that!
This isnt about me and him getting back together, or obsession, its about having compassion for another human being who is showing you their pain. And sitting with that.
Hey Purr! Lovely to hear from you.. so where is your update? There were always alot of similarities between us.. is yuor W still struggling then? Yes I feel so much better about myself, but naturally I am worried about him. I saw him like this when we lived together...Feb 05..April 06...July 07..last Christmas, March this year, July... and now. Of all those times, I'd say he is worse now. Are you on FB? Send me a friend request...
Ali, My H never said he was in too deep. Jody told me that phrase (he's past the bridge of no return) after I found out about OW. Meaning your H feels so guilty, so afraid that he doesn't know what to do. And he deosn't want to face the problems he's created. By breaking it off, he either hurts you or OW or both. He probably doesn't want to hurt either of you. Basically, your H has quite a mess on his hands ..... what does he do? He's gotta figure that out.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Ok Mrs M, I get you.. and yes, thats what the convo seemed like in the car! He said he was trying to think what to do, but whatever he does he will upset someone.. but.. we have been apart a year! Funny. Other stuff he said, my Mum said, its like he feels he is being unfaithful to you.
He also said, he wasnt sure what he wanted or what to do... so he is in some kind of weighing it up phase. I can see.. things may be getting more seriuous with her or will be, also he knows its the end of me and him if he commits to her. If he doesnt act soon, its over with me (yes, is anyway!) No going back.
But then, I think he had to do this, if he was ever going to come back, he had to taste forbiddne fruit, learn that lesson that the grass isnt greener, have his commitment tested.
Question is, is it not as green, or is he actually liking that new grass?
I think question is for your H, Julia's H & my H - which is the least frightening? In my last post to my own lonely thread, my H told me yesterday (when I dropped things off at his house) that he was afraid to see me & thought I was mad at him for filing for D. Fear is clearly choosing my H's path & guiding him well.
I'm have similiar thoughts as you about M. I think the piece of paper is, well really meaningless. Some people, most people asre going to do what they do whether they are M'ed & have a piece of paper or not.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
