It's Tx Mom.. 2nd thread.. trying to hold on...

[TxMomw/2girls]

Well I'm mad I missed out on all the fun today on my thread- looks like some people are not working... and you are all being very sneaky.... I'm going to search for clues... I told Amy on her thread my full name so she should fine me...

Amy - I have friends who did the Avon walk this weekend too... lets sign up next year..

When do you leave for SA??? I wish I could get down there ... maybe I'll see if I can make it work - are you coming with friends? ... where are you staying????

[Amy M]

I can't find you...we've all looked. Go to SMW's thread and see her note!

I get into SA on Friday evening, and I return on Monday afternoon. I think we are staying by the airport. We didn't get the hotel reservations in time. There are 30,000 people in the race!!! CRAZY!!!

Talk to you soon, I hope!
Amy

[TxMomw/2girls]

Hello all.... I haven't updated this thread in awhile as I seem to post on infidelity more.... I have this same post there too... I seem to get different peoples responses on each one...

Sunday evening and I'm watching my Cowboys tonight... love them!!! hope we pull out a win!

Well H has been around all weekend off and on. I cried it seemed most the day (off and on) Saturday- not in front of him... just been so sad actually and missing the guy I married and have loved for almost 10yrs.

We all went to lunch on Saturday and after I agreed I questioned why I let him... I was so sad afterwards.. I feel like saying to him.. what was so bad about this?? We laugh, he plays with our 6 month old making her laugh and all seems normal for a moment in time. I look at his face or hands and just want to kiss his cheeks or grab his hand... He keep the girls at his place Saturday night and I went out with a friend...

I woke up today and felt so much better and in a great mood, no tears today, went to this new church I'm going to now, had to go shop for a bit and then came home. H was here with the girls and I was in the bedroom with D4 wrapping 3 b-day gifts and H and our 6month old were laying on the bed.. He was playing with both daughters. I don't really give him much attention but I make sure to be happy, make comments to my daughter about stuff.. my D4 and I baked cookies before the b-day party we had to go too... so today at least there was no "faking it" for me I was just my happy self, I was just enjoying my girls and the things I had to get done around the house.. so H saw a very fun, pleasant wife... I was only here about 3 hours when H was here....

My question is, guys opinion and anyone who has called a DB coach, I constantly struggle with how much do I let him around... he is cake eating to a degree BUT him being here with my girls helps me and I get to be around them.. I struggle not seeing them (remember I travel for my job too so not like I'm home all the time during the week) When he has the girls overnight he keeps them at his apartment... but during the day or when I travel for work he stays at the house.

Should I start enforcing him to keep girls at his place during the week, during the day time too? Some of you have always said if he wants to come around, have lunch etc. let him the more opportunity to see me in a positive light and not be with OW... but I also think it really just helps him, he gets the best of both worlds.. sometimes I care and don't want him around and sometimes like this weekend it was easy for me and I wasn't bothered with him being here...

I really don't think either way is going to make him change his mind...today at least... I think Phoneix said on Amy's thread that a man needs a chase.... stop being so nice, play hard to get, don't make it easy for him... but my H has the OW so far up his A$$ that he wouldn't notice or care to "chase" me right now... not sure.. Puppy usually has great advise too on this...

so thoughts..... have him around and play nice, cheerful, etc.. or be short, pleasant but distant and not see him or deal with him much... once again my moods change so much I go back and forth on this.... help!!!
_________________________

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

TX--

Don't hold your breath on that win.

SMW

[Little Engine]

TxMom--You asked how to do this a couple of times here is the trick.

How to write code to link to previous threads:

["url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1599987]Tx Mom's First Thread in Newcomers[/url"]

Remove the red " marks and you will get a hyperlinked text line that looks like this:

Tx Mom's First Thread in Newcomers

Easier still is to use the "Reply" box instead of the "Quick Reply" and you'll have access to the icons to make it easy. Click on the Icon with the Globe/Infinity symbol at the top of the text box. It is next to the envelope for creating an e-mail link. You might get an information box pop up at the top of the view window asking you to confirm that you want to allow the IE plugin to run. That is if you are using IE. Mozilla, I can't say what happens. In the first window paste the address you want to link to and in the second window write the text you want to appear. Here I used "TxMom's First Thread in Newcomers." Any questions post 'em on my thread.

LE

[Amy M]

TxMom!!! Sorry you had a tough day on Saturday, but good recovery on Sunday!!! Just stay tough. Everyone is different on the amount of contact. I had way too much at first, and right now, I'm not interested in having any. So, you just have to do what's right for you sitch. But, many, many, many people here will tell you that numerous spouses have starting coming around more once the rope was dropped. And, I don't believe you can "drop the rope" if he's hanging out at the house all the time...I know I couldn't!

I've also figured out that no H will "chase" as long as there's an OW involved. All their energy is being put into chasing her. So, don't worry so much about him and his reaction. Do what's best for you. If you like having him around and it helps with the kids, then do it. If it makes you sad, then don't!

That's just my $0.02!

I don't know if I want to do a whole marathon...but, I'm definitely planning more 1/2's! The weekend was a blast!!!

Love you!
Amy

[TxMomw/2girls]

THanks LE and Amy,

Well you nailed it... sometimes I'm ok with it some days I'm not and I act accordingly.... I am going to start droping it more... I have really gotten two rules here.... some say distance yourself, not dark just not welcoming either.... some say the more H is around us and kids less time around OW and more time to see us in good light and OW to start to nag or not like it.. but bottom line I need to do what I'm comfortable with ..... I'm setting boundries, just not doing it all at once.... when I travel during week he stays here but I think I will start having that change.. we have a dog though so it makes it harder as he can't take the dog with him - no pets at his place.... and I'm not here then ... I'm going to start having some of his stuff packed each time he comes over too.... a bag here and bag there...

Also I will start with a half marathon... not a full are you kidding.... I'm going to start running 5k again I think first.. baby steps.

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi {{{Tx}}}

I am sorry Saturday was tough but sounds like you pulled yourself together for Sunday.

Here is my two cents. Yes, do what is comfortable for you. Since you were truly happy on Sunday, which is your aim, right, then let him hang around and see the contented Tx, not only in the wife/mother context but as an attractive woman context as well!! Don't get me wrong but I think H might be continually seeing you as a boring old mom/wife and that's part of the reason why the 25 y.o. look so darn good. This is the dose of what he could be missing if he COMPLETED left you guys. I see your H is still half-undecided so you still got a chance.
So have him around when you are happy.

When you are not up for it and is feeling sad/down then just say you have plans for the day (eventhough you may not) and walk out the door! Go see a movie, gym, see a friend, whatever and take yourself away. Let him deal with the girls. He is also the parent, remember! Don't walk out in a mean way, walk out with a big smile on your face and look like you have something REALLY exciting planned that you can't wait to go to. This will be your 180 and he will wonder what you are up to. This is where you will get his curiosity going and he may or may not want to go on the chase. Make sure you look like a million bucks when you walk out that door, almost as if you are going on a date! Not only will looking good make you feel better about yourself but he will associate you look good and leaving him to deal with the girls and think, 'What did I do? This great looking, happy, confident woman is walking out the door without me. Did I make the right choice?' Now, this won't happen after just once. It will take time but you want him to associate you in a different way.

Our guys have convinced themselves that we are awful to live with and they feel justified in doing what they have done. Our job now is to make them second-guess themselves. Once their hormones for OW have died down, we Still want them to want us. They wanted us before enough to marry us! Don't forget that!

TX, this is what I say to myself everyday. Our H fell in love with us when they were sane, happy beings who were in their right minds. Enough to put a ring on our finger in front of the whole world. Enough to have babies with. But H fell in love with OW when they were out of their minds!

I read somewhere this quote, 'Patience is genius. Be a genius.'

[TxMomw/2girls]

thanks Amy, SS, PM, imLin, everyone...

Journeling....

how can I only seem to make it 2 days truely happy and in a good mood and come today, day three, I'm so sad. I work with so many men and most of them older.. and they have all seemed to stay married and seem to be happy. They tell me stories of their wives, and I think to myself, gosh they seem fine and put up with their cr@p.... I'm not half that bad and my H had to run into the first available warm arms....

Then I have the thought that my H came to me when our baby was 3 months old and told me he wasn't happy and there was OW.... what kind of person does this? Then I get so angry that I'm pi$$ed that i've even given him time of day or ever said a nice word to him.... how can a true man abandon his wife and baby at a time when I needed him most?

How is it possible for me to miss him so much and want him back and then hate that I would even consider it for what he has done.... I'm just so sad and mad.... My C wants me to consider getting on anti-depressants b/c my emotions are so up and down. I'm thinking about it not sure..

I just want to feel better,,, I don't want to say I'm D, I want my H back but question if DB really is going to do any good and it is so hard when I'm so hurt.

arruuuggghhhh - going to bed back on tomorrow .... praying for everyone.

xoxo

[Amy M]

Pray for you and your H!!! I am!! ((((TxMom))))

That's the roller coaster ride for you...up, up, up, down, up, down, down, down, swerve left, swerve right, etc., etc., etc.!

Take it one minute at a time.

Okay...so, you need something else to focus on...what 1/2 do you want to do next year? I'm planning...the 1/2 in my hometown in February; the 1/2 Princess run in Disneyworld in March, and the 1/2 in Disneyland in September. Would love for you to join me for one or all of them.

This weekend's trip to San Antonio was one of the things that has done wonders for me. I met a new friend this weekend. A really great woman who's going through a D...she's having a tough go of it too. I said to myself, "Wow. She's super. Her husband's an idiot for letting her go." But, you know what I realized, when I looked at myself through her eyes, I'm a really great woman too! I reached out to a total stranger and offered a car ride that led to a weekend of fun adventures and plans for future fun adventures and bonding that can only come from sharing together in times of crisis.

You too are a great woman! Once you can figure out how to stop looking at yourself through only your H's (currently blurry) eyes, you'll be able to see what I see! And, that, TxMom will be liberating!!!

Just hang in there...keep praying. It's truly the best remedy for all hurts!

Love you!
Amy