Great that you're going to band night next Thursday. It sounds like a lot of fun!
Thinking about seeing him and him not having made contact, I was just wondering whether it might be worth trying a letter or something, at least just to express your feelings if that would help you get closure. Just a thought about an alternative route, anyway, as it seems to be taking ages to get to the point of having a face to face conversation about it. Is it that you need him to tell you it's over, or to see something in him to get that? If so, though, I guess a letter wouldn't do it. Sorry if you've answered this before and I've missed it.
Oh, and don't think about what he might or might not be doing this evening. Anything you might imagine is assuming, so don't do it!
Ha ! Ok, thankyou! When I have spoken to him, hes a little bit whingey, or appears to be drinking alot, but neither of those as badly as before he was seeing her. But yep, I cant assume!
I had C today, I was talking about my ex and this meeting and wanting to say goodbye.. and she started crying !!! I really got to her.. then I started crying and she said, what we're talking about here is love.. you really loved him. I apologised if I'd upset her and bought up stuff in her (she has hinted that this happened to her in her past).. she said not at all and thanked me and said, its all just emotions and theres nothing bad in that, or tears, its good to meet people in life who help you to access stuff and get it out.
Then she hugged me! And I hugged her! Bit wierd? But shes a college C, so very experienced. I can tell she really cares about me and taken me into her heart. I keep meeting 'mother' figures lately, like my friend at college, whose in her 50s and lovely. She hugs me whenever I see her! Us LBS dont get hugs!
You're spot on Lisa, a letter just feels so unsatisfactory, I really want to look him in the eyes and KNOW that he's gone. I do need him to tell me to my face and then I will breathe a sigh of relief. I would have no hope, no expectations of even seeing him (doesnt look like we can be friends at the moment, the way he is acting about it all, unlike your H who maintained contact with you throughout his A).. so I would be released from that waiting.
Hi Ali, I know you are pinning all your hopes for closure on this elusive face to face meeting.Please don't put all your eggs in one basket.
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I really want to look him in the eyes and KNOW that he's gone. I do need him to tell me to my face and then I will breathe a sigh of relief.
You are basing your knowing the look in his eyes on what you had before,on the love you shared and the feeling for you that this was your soulmate. I suspect like a lot of relationships, one partner loves more than the other. He fooled you before so take care. He really doesn't want to face you or hurt you anymore than he already knows he has, that is why he is so evasive. I hear you on the Friday nights. I still am not keen on them but when I look back I often spent the later part of the evening alone as it was boys night at the pub. Seeing his face,hearing his words will not release you from the waiting because you can come up with all sorts of excuses as to how and why he looked,said etc. Only you can release YOU from th waiting. Take care.
Yes, its annoying isnt it Naej! It doesnt seem to have happened yet, its starting to feel a bit like a life sentence actually! Whatever my 'reason' is.. I STILL WANT TO SEE HIM! I've known him 12 years, we live 1/2 hour apart and never had a cross word in all this. Its not fair! I just want to have a drink with him and even laugh and smile and TRY and wish him well with love in my heart. If you love them, set them free, sigh.
I think I might just crack one of these days and try and get a boyfriend to make me feel better!! Hey, its all just coping mechanisms, right . Trouble is, I havent met anyone that I'm even remotely interested in. I've only fancied two men in 10 years (literally), my ex and the EA guy, who was not a good person.
The 21 year old loitered slightly after a lecture tonight and walked me to my car again, he was a little nervy, so I wonder if he does fancy me !? He's lovely, very intelligent and witty, but not that good looking. He has one of those long, thin, posh faces, like a young officer in a b&w british war movie.
This was 'our' song, in so much it was on a compilation tape he made to woo me and he told me he used to listen to it and cry because he couldnt stand the pain of being apart from me.
What a difference 10 years makes hey. Now I am the one that cries and misses him.
I have to say goodbye to him. I cant stand it, I dont want to leave it until nearly Christmas! I cant the last year of hope, wondering how he is, where he is, if he is happy or not or wondering why doesnt he miss me, when is he going to call. Its all so desperately hurtful. I can hardly believe it actually, that this is now my life. I never ever thought he would leave me, or that we wouldnt be together. Makes me realise now how passionately or devotedly he loved me. I really noticed that, once he no longer did.
I have 9000 words now, and I'm going to a Nano meet in town tommorow. Something different hey.
Good Ali. Go out, meet up, talk about your new passion....writing. Put all of your pent up feelings into your novel.
The song is beautiful and sad at the same time. Gabe and I had a few different songs depending on what the occasion was but here are two of them. Thought you might enjoy them.
You see? We all have songs that will always make us cry because the memories flood over us. Find a new song for yourself. One that makes you happy and strong. One that makes you feel like you can kick some serious a$$ and take names!!! Like:
Ali, This is how I let go. I found a detaching post by KerryK. I printed it out & read it over & over. I never stopped loving my H. I just realized that the way he deals, with problems or lack there of - that I didn't want him anymore. I do not want to be married to him. An R with him or friendship - maybe, because he has many good qualities, just not that of a good H.
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hi there Ali - I can understand this need for closure - especially after this long, protracted period of uncertainty - the difference now that comes across in your posts is that this has now become about your need rather than his - and that is s good i think.
The only thing to resolve is "how" and "when" cos your ex seems to hold the key to that and is still in control...
Seems to me that the only way you'll do it under current circumstances is to force the issue - what do you have to lose right now?
Take care - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
. Trouble is, I havent met anyone that I'm even remotely interested in. I've only fancied two men in 10 years (literally), my ex and the EA guy, who was not a good person.