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#1647814 - 11/13/08 04:09 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: Distressed67]
steady Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 1443
Loc: New York
It's funny Tim - You, nds and I haven't update in a while and we all did today.(well nds did yesterday)

Originally Posted By: Distressed67
At home things seem to continue on at a snails pace. W and I have very nice conversations about work, the kids, the house and things that we would like to do. I make sure that I look at her and listen intently to what she is saying. I try and ask relevant questions and when she brings something up the next day I make comments on the subject that show her I was listening and remember what she was talking about the day or so before. If she has a bad day or is frustrated with stuff that is going on I listen but do not try and fix. I keep my mouth shut unless she asks for my opinion on what she should do.

All good here Tim. That focus on listening really means alot to our W's. It shows we are paying attention. I also focus on the detailed listening, the questions, the ability to talk about the next days etc..

Quote:
I continue to do my fare share of the household chores making sure that they are done without her needing to ask me. We do have our moments when we seem to connect really well. I let her initiate most of the physical stuff most of which happens early in the morning. She still does not come to bed till well after I have gone but I accept this for now hoping that eventually she will change this.

Good on the household stuff - shows consistent action. And we both know the importance of that. Letting her lead on the physical stuff - well, you don't need me to tell you. I've been doing that also, but last night when my W was giving me a kiss and hug goodnight I did pull her onto the bed and she layed her head on my chest. This was the first time I initiated something physical. Figured I'd take a shot at it and see what happens. It worked out well and she even remarked this morning how nice it was.

Quote:
I had my last IC session last Thursday. The C and I decided that I am pretty well centered and doing the best that I can. She felt that unless my W decides to start coming to work on our communication skills or how she is actually feeling about the progress of our R that I did not need to make another appointment. She said that I could call and make one anytime I felt like the frustration of my sitch was getting too much and I needed someone to talk to.

When I go past a week or two I need to decompress so I usually schedule an IC meeting. It's hard not knowing where things stand and that pressure builds up and I get to release it in IC.

Quote:
I put most of my effort while at home being the best person, dad, husband I can be and enjoying the peace and calm that it brings.

Exactly where your focus needs to be.

It's funny Tim how we've remarked the similarities in our sitch's. The only real difference is I have the benefit of going to MC with my W. It makes a big difference and I feel grateful that I have that. The MC allows us to work on issues that would never be addressed without the sessions.

I'm glad you're doing well.
_________________________
MySitch
Me-47
STBXW-41
D-5
S-8
ILYBNILWY-01/08
Want a D- 01/09
Physical Sep-01/10
D filed-06/10
Got 50% custody=09/11
Ride that wave!

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#1647830 - 11/13/08 04:21 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: steady]
Arthur Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 2072
Hi Tim

Glad you going along well and work, tho busy, sounds an enjoyable time at the moment. No work stress means home stuff easier to deal with I'm sure.

GL bud

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#1648067 - 11/13/08 07:26 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: Arthur]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: Arthur
Hi Tim

Glad you going along well and work, tho busy, sounds an enjoyable time at the moment. No work stress means home stuff easier to deal with I'm sure.

GL bud


Thanks for stopping by and checking up on me A. I know alot of sh** is going on in your life but its good to hear from you.

Tim
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#1648069 - 11/13/08 07:30 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: steady]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: steady
It's funny Tim - You, nds and I haven't update in a while and we all did today.(well nds did yesterday)



Yea it is strange how we all are posting at the same time. I thought about giving you a call yesterday but I got so busy and then I forgot to do it. Just wanted to check up on you and see how thinge were going. Still envious that your W goes to MC what a great thing for you. I keep reading what you write about your W and I wonder if that is what is going on in my W mind.

Take care

Tim
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#1648072 - 11/13/08 07:35 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: ernest88]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
sounds like Life...


Yep life, boring compared to yours but thats not always a bad thing. I mean that more on the dating and going out and doing stuff and not the W crazy sh**.
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#1648087 - 11/13/08 07:49 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: Distressed67]
whiskey.tango Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 676
Tim,

Your life sounds good. You're are doing so well - time, consistency, patience. There's no way to predict what will happen from your W's end, but it seems she appreciates you. Everything can change in a minute - and I continue to hope for you that it's all good.

You have so much more patience than I ever had (and probably ever will).

I'm glad you posted this update, I have been thinking of you.

Whiskey!

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#1648111 - 11/13/08 08:11 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: Distressed67]
ernest88 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/08
Posts: 5045
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
sounds like Life...


Yep life, boring compared to yours but thats not always a bad thing. I mean that more on the dating and going out and doing stuff and not the W crazy sh**.


have you gone Batchitt crazy dude?? hey life is what you make it. We all want that boring life Tim..not exactly like yours is now but you know what I mean..a house, with a complete family and some love..and some loving..and some sex...helll I'm not doing anymore than I've ever done..I'm going out, hangin with friends...playing golf..I've got the same responsibilites as everyone else here..

I just no longer have a wife

the only difference in then and now..I've changed for the better ..I'm meeting lots of new people and I'm having a good time..

believe me your life is not boring..it's normal, with just a few little bumps thrown in..my life is normal for where I am at the moment..it's nothing special..it's fun..it is what I make it.

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#1648158 - 11/13/08 08:50 PM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: ernest88]
Kakatal Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/08
Posts: 211
Loc: Southern CA
Tim,

Glad you posted an update - see lots of people around to support you too! As always thanks for your support & advice. Don't have much to give myself except all sounds normal for you under the circumstances. Keep your sights set on your goals & ensure your efforts move you toward them.

Kevin
_________________________
Me/W 39/37 T/M 9/6
S 4, D 2
Bomb 7/17/08
OM confirmed 7/23/08
D Filed 7/25/08
D served 9/17/08

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#1648359 - 11/14/08 12:18 AM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: ernest88]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
sounds like Life...


Yep life, boring compared to yours but thats not always a bad thing. I mean that more on the dating and going out and doing stuff and not the W crazy sh**.


have you gone Batchitt crazy dude?? hey life is what you make it. We all want that boring life Tim..not exactly like yours is now but you know what I mean..a house, with a complete family and some love..and some loving..and some sex...helll I'm not doing anymore than I've ever done..I'm going out, hangin with friends...playing golf..I've got the same responsibilites as everyone else here..

I just no longer have a wife

the only difference in then and now..I've changed for the better ..I'm meeting lots of new people and I'm having a good time..

believe me your life is not boring..it's normal, with just a few little bumps thrown in..my life is normal for where I am at the moment..it's nothing special..it's fun..it is what I make it.


Nope, I'm not crazy at all. I love my life, wife, kids and job at the moment but I think you misunderstood what I meant by exciting. I did not mean to say that you have any less responsibility than me or anything like that.

We hired a gentleman a couple of months ago that knew me before I met my W and before I turned 21. He was telling my partner how I hung out at bars and always was dancing and had friends and different ladies around me but never drank. I explained how I had a fake ID and did not need to be caught DUI so I never drank while out. But was saying how much fun I always had and that I miss all that excitment and freedom. Not that I would trade the life I have now for it but sometimes it would be nice to do that again.

That is the excitement I meant. The fun of going out, hanging with friends and getting to know someone and not have all the baggage to go along with it. At this moment I have practicaly no free time and when I do I just want to sit and veg. Most of my friends are M with kids and are too busy to do stuff also.

When I read about you doing all that stuff its exciting because it is new and different from what I am doing. It reminds me of being young again. I know you would rather of saved your M and stuff so don't take what I say the wrong way. Its like anything even though I don't want to be back out there, to be able to relive that again for a short period would be fun but in the end I prefer what I have. And that is what I meant if it makes any sense and I didn't ramble too much.
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#1648365 - 11/14/08 12:24 AM Re: Doing what got me this far. [Re: whiskey.tango]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: whiskey.tango
Tim,

Your life sounds good. You're are doing so well - time, consistency, patience. There's no way to predict what will happen from your W's end, but it seems she appreciates you. Everything can change in a minute - and I continue to hope for you that it's all good.

You have so much more patience than I ever had (and probably ever will).

I'm glad you posted this update, I have been thinking of you.

Whiskey!


Life is pretty good right now, busy but good.

I have more patience than you because I see my W trying if she would of had multiple PA and be treating me like sh** than my patience would have been gone a long time ago.

Thanks for checking up on me and I hope all is well in your corner of the universe.

Take care,

Tim
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