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Nice stuff Tim, sounds awesome

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I 2nd that. Good to see you in better spirits. Hope things keep looking up for you!


Me/W 39/37 T/M 9/6
S 4, D 2
Bomb 7/17/08
OM confirmed 7/23/08
D Filed 7/25/08
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Hi tim...
just stopping by to add my well wishes for your sitch & continued progress, as slow as it seems.

Patience & peace
Bridge


Divorced 03/2010
Mom to two amazing kids

Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.

http://tinyurl.com/ybqkan8 = Current Thread

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Hi Tim,

Time will tell. Consistency builds confidence. You are showing consistency and patience - abundantly.

You're doing the work and it sounds like she's noticing and allowing herself to enjoy your M.

Did she go to C yet? How about this bloody weather? No fall, just summer to winter.

WT

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Hi Tim. Sounds like things are moving along well. The comfortable interactions are a good thing. If you remember back, probably not too far, these interactions were probably non-existent. Glad it is going well.


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ILYBNILWY-01/08
Want a D- 01/09
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Bridge, WT and Ken,

Thanks for stopping by. Feeling a little antsy today for some reason. Not sure why. I think it is just some impatience creeping in. Lots of everyday stuff going on at work and home. No drama just stuff if you know what I mean. I need to find some time to just relax and releave some of the stress and now that the weather is so sh**y I don't get to play any golf. Plus when December hits I will be even busier with officiating swim meets.

Just the time of year thats all. Other than that all seems to be progressing well just at a snails pace. And WT, I have no idea if she has gone to C or not. Been thinking about asking but still not sure how to do that without her getting defensive.

Take care all

Tim


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Tim,

IMHO, I would not ask about the C. (I was just curious). Just as you know she is watching you for changes, so you are watching her.

When things are consistently going well, good stability, it encourages us to see if the next step will support us. I wonder if that's where the antsy feeling is coming from. Not knowing whether the current foundation will support the next step. If you both are willing - you know it will. Remember that. Don't keep looking at yourself as being impatient, though, it could be that you're ready to move to the next level.

Hope your C is going well and you have a great weekend.

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Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee

well then let me know when you guys are just journaling..because if you guys post it then it's how I see it and I respond to that..

I can see why the MC said that and can see why that would be true..I guess I wonder what your wife thought?? She may have thought you were getting back at her for drinking or you were upset..etc..I guess my thoughts are if you are sleeping on the couch then have a reason for your W..and it can be as simple as needing some space...ya feel me??

you two guys are vets..don't let this stuff bother you..


I thought I would un hijack Ken's thread.

Mike,

I don't post much because much of what is happening in my sitch is basic, boring everyday stuff. Work, making dinner, helping kids with homework, taking care of the house and interacting with my W. Treating her like a good friend. Most of my conflict comes now from within and that is looking at the good and pleasent things that are going on in my life and between me and my W and the negative stuff that creeps in there from self doubt and impatience.

I treat her with the utmost respect. Last night for example. My W got sick after eating eggs a couple of weeks ago now she does not like the smell of them. My D wanted an omelet last night so before I started to make it I lit a bunch of candles in the house. My W asked what I was doing. When I told her she said "thank you that is very nice of you and its vert thoughtful." I simply said your welcome. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Not to get anything from her and I did not expect anything in return and she sees that. Before I think I did stuff and expected something from her and it took away from the action.

I understand what Ken is thinking, feeling and sometimes doing because I think it also. Some of the stuff he is doing like moving to the couch I did several months ago and your right I think they see it more as a power play than us being assertive. But I wanted him to know I have done it and I also think about all that stuff and its normal. And again your right that we cannot let it affect our actions and I have learned not to act on what I am thinking or feeling at any perticular moment. They come and go and thankfully do not come very often and do not last very long.

This is hard on all of us no matter where we are in our sitch because of the vulnerability factor and it fuels self doubt and our basic instict to protect ourselves. So I will let you know from now on when I am journeling and when I am not.

Tim


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Have not updated in a while and someone on another thread asked me to.

I have been swamped at work the last couple of weeks. If I have not mentioned it before I started an electrical contracting company with another person about six months ago. I have lots of stuff to bid plus designing jobs, getting jobs started and making sure our field workers get the material they need. It’s an overwhelming task at times to say the least. But it’s a lot better than where I use to work.

At home things seem to continue on at a snails pace. W and I have very nice conversations about work, the kids, the house and things that we would like to do. I make sure that I look at her and listen intently to what she is saying. I try and ask relevant questions and when she brings something up the next day I make comments on the subject that show her I was listening and remember what she was talking about the day or so before. If she has a bad day or is frustrated with stuff that is going on I listen but do not try and fix. I keep my mouth shut unless she asks for my opinion on what she should do.

I am a HS Swim Official and this is the start of our season. I have many meetings I attend each month now for swimming and HS swim meets start in a couple of weeks so I will be officiating a lot of them. Combine that with all the age group swim meets my kids are in and I will be very busy until the end of February.

I continue to do my fare share of the household chores making sure that they are done without her needing to ask me. We do have our moments when we seem to connect really well. I let her initiate most of the physical stuff most of which happens early in the morning. She still does not come to bed till well after I have gone but I accept this for now hoping that eventually she will change this.

I had my last IC session last Thursday. The C and I decided that I am pretty well centered and doing the best that I can. She felt that unless my W decides to start coming to work on our communication skills or how she is actually feeling about the progress of our R that I did not need to make another appointment. She said that I could call and make one anytime I felt like the frustration of my sitch was getting too much and I needed someone to talk to.

Nothing really out of the ordinary is happening. No drama just everyday normal stuff. I put most of my effort while at home being the best person, dad, husband I can be and enjoying the peace and calm that it brings. I let my kids have all the drama now with all this school/ social stuff teenagers deal with. I stay out of most of it and just listen and give a little nudge if I think they need it. Other than that its their responsibility to make the right choice for them.

I still think about asking her if she is going to IC or if she would like to go to MC but I have not done it yet. Hopefully sometime soon she will want to go. I still feel if she would just go to a C that we would be able to solve most of our remaining issues and move on with our lives. Again until we learn how to communicate our feelings and needs to each other without either of us being on edge its going to be a very slow process from here on out.

That’s pretty much it in a nutshell as they say.

Tim


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sounds like Life...

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