I too agree that up until a little bit before my bomb I had no clue either.. my brain was telling me that he was really busy at work.. that he was really stressed because of work and that he was just running himself ragged. All of which were likely true.. but I think a major motivator for working so hard and barely sleeping was to be out of the house.. since he was hating it here so much!
I'm glad you're feeling better Al. It amazes me how I feel so strongly about my online DB friends... my heart was really hurting for you when you were hurting.. so I'm so relieved to hear you're doing better.. it's made my heart smile!
Oh hey girls...Ah thanks Where, well now I feel like I'm going to let you all down because I came here to say I wasnt feeling too good! I feel low as I dont know when I will hear from him anymore.
I know what yuo are all saying, about him not contacting me isnt a decision..but its just what it is isnt it, and its not much at all. Whereas before he maintained daily contact with me Feb - end of July, its stopped. Plus, theres something about the quality of the contact, the personal stuff is now gone. He doesnt say hope you're ok, or are you ok, or call you tommorow, or just, nothing. Its hard to explain, but its like he's emotionally gone now. He's dealing with me in a much more typical way that you would with an ex (in my experience).
Although Naej and Kalni and Mishka said he's done, enough now, stop...although I have let go of the expectation, I still cant let go of the love I have for him and would take him back. SO ANNOYING! It just doesnt seem to be draining out of me so I am left feeling like I lost this good man, a good partner for me.
My BFF said, he's in his cave. But is he, or is he just moving on now? He clearly hadnt before, calling me every night and initiating hanging out with me every week..but its been nearly a month since I have seen him. Ok, maybe its not a decision, but it is a choice.
Don't worry about feeling down, it comes in peaks and troughs.
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Plus, theres something about the quality of the contact, the personal stuff is now gone. He doesnt say hope you're ok, or are you ok, or call you tommorow, or just, nothing. Its hard to explain, but its like he's emotionally gone now.
I don't see these as personal things, I see them as guilt statements and I think it is positive these have gone. I've always thought the statement 'I hope you are ok' is quite a pointless one - how can you be ok?! I think actions speak louder than words so I wouldn't mourn the loss of these. It is positive that he is not feeling the need to say those. After all when you were happy did he constantly say these kinds of things?
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I still cant let go of the love I have for him and would take him back. SO ANNOYING!
I know that feeling, it is annoying. But it is what it is and that is where you are at and that is fine, and the drained feeling is natural but you pulled yourself out of it before the other day and you know you can do it again when you need to.
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But is he, or is he just moving on now? He clearly hadnt before, calling me every night and initiating hanging out with me every week..but its been nearly a month since I have seen him. Ok, maybe its not a decision, but it is a choice.
I see this as a good thing. Those actions were showing dependence on you and that isn't healthy for him. I am glad that he is getting to the point where he can self soothe and I know that it is worrying for you but hopefully it means he is getting stronger and you can start your new relationship on a much more even and emotionally healthier footing, if that is the way things turn out. I'm afraid there are no guarantees, but I see lots of positive.
What you did last week worked. He contacted you and you had a really good interaction. Focus on that if you can not what you are losing.
I still cant let go of the love I have for him and would take him back. SO ANNOYING! It just doesnt seem to be draining out of me so I am left feeling like I lost this good man, a good partner for me.
Letting go of him and expectations are not the same as stopping loving him. Also you didn't lose a good man it was his decision! to waw. Our hearts are amazing things we do not have x amount of space for love, it grows and expands just like we have always room to love one more thing or person or pet. We don't have to discard one love to make room for another thing to love. In time that all consumning love that keeps you in despair fades or dulls to a softness and quiet happiness that you once shared such love. For now you need to find happiness without him being the b all and end of. It will come. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Hope this makes sense. Take care.
Hey Michelle, Julia - Yes I agree, I thought that too whenever he said "are you ok" - NO I AM FLIPPIN WELL NOT...yes, I'm fine I would say. I think you could be right in thinking he is pehaps coping better and has stopped leaning on me now (possibly as his BMF made him realise he ought to stop that).
Good point about focusing on the phonecall as a good interaction. I'm disappointed that he hasnt contacted me today, so we are heading into a bank holidy weekend with his "maybe meet up at the weekend or something". I'm really not expecting to see him. Been weeping on and off all day again today (even under my desk at one point!), I cant believe how much I have cried over him, it really is astounding.
I've been struggling with missing him lately. He's been in my life so much these past 11, 12 years since we became friends. We always used to natter away...my favourite red tailed shark died suddenly 2 days ago and it really upset me. Stupid I know, its only a fish, but I've had him for 4 years and I did actually love him! (I know, I'm pathetic). What upset me most though, was that my first instinct was to pick up the phone and tell him and of course I couldnt. Just a horrible feeling, that I have lost my best friend too.
And then I think, doesnt he feel that loss? Thats what I meant about him holding me away...even on a friendship level, if we hadnt of fancied one another we would have been the best of friends anyway. My bestest friend in Cornwall is a guy and we natter away and totally crack each other up, but I dont fancy him and he happy with his Japanese W. We have been friends for 2 years, if I couldnt speak to him after another 10 years of friendship on top I can imagine I would really miss him and I am sure he would miss me.
Naej...thanks for your wise words, I treasure your posts. I can see what a devastating blow it was for you, to lose a partner of nearly 40 years and I assume you lost your best mate too. Its unfathomable isnt it really.
So I phoned him earlier. He didnt answer so he was out on a Friday night, or didnt pick up as he has caller ID. He always used to ring me Friday nights, or email me at the end of his day. And as I have pretty much known his movements this past 6 months, he rarely was out on a Friday night here, once or twice maybe. So yet again I am wondering if he has met someone.
Just have to wait and judge how the land lies if I ever get to se him. In other news... I bought some lovely jersey material tonight and I am making a skirt this weekend. And seeing my BMF and W at some point.
Ali, sorry about your fish. Strange in my old home I had a little pond with 2 enormous gold fish,had them for years and as I didn't like the people who bought my house I wasn't going to leave them but give them to a friend. Well 2 days before my move 1 died (me-we named them after my h and me) next morning fish 2 (my h) was floating on his side-so they didn't need to go to my friends. Tonight I had a late night trip to vets my cat has been hit by a car and broken her pelvis, I will know more 2mrw. At start of week had bad news about my old dog so not a good animal week for me either.
I am so envious of your needlework skills. Get creative it so helps, I am a scribbler but only write when one step from the funny farm great thing is I,ve not written for years. night.
