Why Did She Marry a Sailor?

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Up until about 5 weeks ago, I would block my number and call the OW's cell---several times a day. Why???

are you serious?????? Were you REALLY doing this?? OMGosh, No wonder your so much more confident and your attitude has changed in the last month.

Yes, it was not my finest moment.

on the email, have you sent it yet? I thought it was a little long also, only because of how short your H makes his. I'm really back and forth on how much "love" you put in the emails. Part of me says that you need to keep it short and less lovey-dovey, and the other part thinks, well maybe these will help him through the hard days he has. I'm still against using the ILY's unless it's for the kids. ONLY because what Michelle said about the WAS will feel guilty because they are not able to say it back. That really made a lot of sense to me when I read that. However, you are saying "we", so it's not as bad as "I". Don't ever say "I". Let him be the first to say it.

He is going to have to say ILY first, I cannot do it right now. I would love to, don't get me wrong, but I am still too bruised from everything else. I HAVE to know he is back first.

Hey, I am curious to see you talk about YOUR activities that have nothing to do with the kids. It has to be vague, but exciting. He's not asking questions about you still, and we want him to be curious about you. just MHO.

Unfortunately, other than stuff around the house and church, I do not have any activities without the kids. No one is offering to watch the kids for me so I can get out by myself and I do not like dumping them on D16 all the time. I am not going to lie and make things up, so it is what it is for now. Other than reading books and being on the computer my life is revolving around my house and kids. Sorority is on hiatus for the summer. I occasionally go visit friends--but the one I hung out with the most has been out of town for a month. She got back yesterday. It will be easier to do thigns now, too, cause we just throw all of our kids together and go.

On the flirting. You REALLY need to just go for it. I would almost put something about...if D2 wasn't in your bed last time you were here, you might have gotten a middle of the night "booty call" (okay, I can't think of a good phrase, but that's all I could think of at 5:48 in the morning) And it could come during the talk of him looking good with all the pushups.

or even say something about...wow, the next time I see you, I'm gonna have to control myself!

I know I should do it ST, I just can't and I cannot explain why, either. I want to, but am afraid I cannot detach enough for that. I am terrified. I was so good at the flirt before we were serious and while we were dating. I guess because I knew that it would be received well--I KNEW he was interested in me in that way then. Now, the fear of rejection is overwhelming at times.

what I think would be great, is the next time he comes back, you'll offer a back rub with him sitting on a stool in the middle of the bedroom floor, and start rubbing the shoulders, and the back, and just all over-in the "safe" areas that is- (while wearing some revealing clothing, I know you have some lol) and then whisper in his ear about how good he looks and how bad you've wanted to touch his strong looking body. well, that's kinda what I did anyways.

The worst is, I think like this every time I see him, just too scared to act on it.

When I did that, my H wasn't very open to me yet [meaning, the A was still going on, and he still wanted the D but he was friendly and starting to enjoy more time together with me ..really it seems like it compares a little before the time of where your in your sitch now ] and he kept saying you really don't have to do that, but I said to him, "I really want to, you just turn me on so much I can't help it!" I really think that my strong initiation and flirting was really helpful. Plus the fact that it is a HUGE ego boost for guys, IMHO. AND it shows confidence in us, which is the biggest thing guys subconsciously/consciously look for in a girl. AND the most important factor in my success was, I didn't hold any expectations from him on what I was doing. So H didn't have to feel guilty because I was so carefree about it, and I never let him see me sad or lonely or rejected. If your going to flirt, you CANNOT let rejection get you. You have to continue your confidence, "well too bad for you then, cause I'm one hot mama!"

Alright, I get it. I have to find the rest of my self-confidence. Can I buy that at the grocery store? what aisle? I need to get it fast, too, since the ship will be back on Friday.

SMW

[sgctxok]

sg,

I'm curious why you think it's okay for SMW to use the ILYs?

She's not in the last resort technique....he comes to her for comfort, she uses 'WE'....and he's coming back for more....he's not just in it for the kids.

I was kind of thinking you must be a DB counselor since it said moderator not member. Wasn't sure what that stood for exactly.

I'm the sheriff.

I'm a seasoned DBer and I have a heart for it. I'm solution oriented. I'm DB ONLY. Michele and Virginia like what I do.

But....I am NOT a DB Coach. And THAT's AWESOME. Not because I wouldn't like it, I would. But look at what they ALL have in common.

Somewhere around 1000 folks a year apply to be DB Coaches. We only have 8. Check them out.

Specific Education.
Long term marriages.
DB training.
And then they're tested.

Our Coaches ARE tops.





So---solution detect using the DB tools you're given, and
when you're taking advice:

Take it from your COACH first.
Then from SUCCESSES (that's where I fit...take it from your Coach first).
Then from others ... noting what has been successful for them, and pay attention to what isn't successful for them either.


One man's common sense is another man's downfall.--V. Peeples.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I will put the aforementioned "news" up on my own thread rather than hijacking your's as I have been doing. It has been a little bit since I went to my own anyway.

OH you big tease!!!!!


I will be right over!!

SMW

[Neilh23]

you're lacking in self confidence? SMV.....wha?????

you are in such good shape here...just do some small flirting....just do it. you'll be fine...he's receptive..look at all the positive interactions you are having with him....keep it up......

stop doubting yourself, girl!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

She's not in the last resort technique....he comes to her for comfort, she uses 'WE'....and he's coming back for more....he's not just in it for the kids.

Do you really think so, sg??? I am so hopeful, but am afraid I will fall into expectations.

SMW

[ernest88]

Hey SMW..

why not just let yourself go and see what happens??

you're letting your fear of failure overcome you.

self doubt sucks big time.

This is about you ultimately, right?? not about him..

Stop overthinking..

let yourself go girl.

[Neilh23]

yeah....i agree with Mike.....just let yourself go...stop worrying and start doing!!! don't let yourself get caught in a self fulfilling prophecy.....

[gForce]

Yea, from another guy -- He is sending you all sorts of positive messages. Us guys are pretty dense and pretty insecure. If it were me, I would be waiting for some positive feedback. Give him some! And not veiled or indirect -- be very clear about your intentions.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I get it guys, I get it! wow, all of you are ganging up on me!

Alright, then, what do the guys feel like I should be putting in there? It is not sent yet and I have time to re-write it. What would you want to get from someone you were sorta unsure about being interested in?

SMW

[Racefan]

Hey Sis...

Gotta agree with the concensus on this. Ask yourself that very question what would you want???

Brian