I'm curious why you think it's okay for SMW to use the ILYs?
I was kind of thinking you must be a DB counselor since it said moderator not member. Wasn't sure what that stood for exactly.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I also agree that the researching comment is motherly.
It's also a control issue, because I was like that too. Still am, a bit. He knows that your there and can help. He asked you to get his coveralls, so he is not afraid to ask for help if he wants it.
I haven't finished catching up, so there may be a revision on the email, but I didn't notice ANY flirting. What kind of flirting were you talking about????
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Up until about 5 weeks ago, I would block my number and call the OW's cell---several times a day. Why???
are you serious?????? Were you REALLY doing this?? OMGosh, No wonder your so much more confident and your attitude has changed in the last month.
on the email, have you sent it yet? I thought it was a little long also, only because of how short your H makes his. I'm really back and forth on how much "love" you put in the emails. Part of me says that you need to keep it short and less lovey-dovey, and the other part thinks, well maybe these will help him through the hard days he has. I'm still against using the ILY's unless it's for the kids. ONLY because what Michelle said about the WAS will feel guilty because they are not able to say it back. That really made a lot of sense to me when I read that. However, you are saying "we", so it's not as bad as "I". Don't ever say "I". Let him be the first to say it.
Hey, I am curious to see you talk about YOUR activities that have nothing to do with the kids. It has to be vague, but exciting. He's not asking questions about you still, and we want him to be curious about you. just MHO.
On the flirting. You REALLY need to just go for it. I would almost put something about...if D2 wasn't in your bed last time you were here, you might have gotten a middle of the night "booty call" (okay, I can't think of a good phrase, but that's all I could think of at 5:48 in the morning) And it could come during the talk of him looking good with all the pushups.
or even say something about...wow, the next time I see you, I'm gonna have to control myself!
what I think would be great, is the next time he comes back, you'll offer a back rub with him sitting on a stool in the middle of the bedroom floor, and start rubbing the shoulders, and the back, and just all over-in the "safe" areas that is- (while wearing some revealing clothing, I know you have some lol) and then whisper in his ear about how good he looks and how bad you've wanted to touch his strong looking body. well, that's kinda what I did anyways.
When I did that, my H wasn't very open to me yet [meaning, the A was still going on, and he still wanted the D but he was friendly and starting to enjoy more time together with me ..really it seems like it compares a little before the time of where your in your sitch now ] and he kept saying you really don't have to do that, but I said to him, "I really want to, you just turn me on so much I can't help it!" I really think that my strong initiation and flirting was really helpful. Plus the fact that it is a HUGE ego boost for guys, IMHO. AND it shows confidence in us, which is the biggest thing guys subconsciously/consciously look for in a girl. AND the most important factor in my success was, I didn't hold any expectations from him on what I was doing. So H didn't have to feel guilty because I was so carefree about it, and I never let him see me sad or lonely or rejected. If your going to flirt, you CANNOT let rejection get you. You have to continue your confidence, "well too bad for you then, cause I'm one hot mama!"
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Just as Jeff had mentioned, the part with "certainly doesn't hurt the look of you either" seems too stunted. It shows that you aren't saying what it is you want to say. Just say it. If you think he looks ripped and hot then it needs to be in there. Quit holding back. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
It's her language...it keeps in the style of the way she writes.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
my mom says I am livign a fantasy life that will fall apart when the rug gets pulled out from under me again. She is so kind. SIGH
Is your mom not supportive of what your doing?? That is aweful to say. Just wait till your M is better than it ever has been and she'll be eating her words.
She just feels like I am not moving past things and that if my H goes through with a D it will be like the bomb all ove again. She does not see me getting stronger at all. She also does not realize how involved I have gotten at church or how much closer I have become to God. She will get it.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I will put the aforementioned "news" up on my own thread rather than hijacking your's as I have been doing. It has been a little bit since I went to my own anyway.
Just wait till your M is better than it ever has been and she'll be eating her words.