Thank you. You've worn me out, Mark and I REALLY appreciate it because I haven't been sleeping well.
So, I'm going to bed and hopefully to sleep on it. Goodnight, m'friend. Goodnight and thank you for a wonderful thought-provoking and perspective-clearing day.
As hard or painful as it is to read what Mark is saying..... I was about to ask if GOD, SENT HIM TO YOU. SERIOUSLY....
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SAY TO YOURSELF I do not do those things and I am being loving but he is actually right you are trying to hard and then also getting frustrated with him and then ...
what stuck out to me is when you said I will come home when I feel like it.... is that more of the same? or when you called to say I was on the phone with Brother is that more of the same?
Example.... I was at a outdoor party 2 summers ago.
((( and hubby was having the "time of his life" with OW ( I wasnt 100% sure yet))))
I got nervous. My Kids were having a blast. by the way....
I said to MY BROTHER. I have to go home... ( in a panic more than just a comment). What if XXXXXX comes home right now? My brother says to me...
" If he comes home right now and gets mad cause you arent there then he is the same old XXXXXX."
LIGHTBULB went on and I almost started crying.
He was right.... I called him ( my husband )the next day. After he didnt call me and he was ANNOYED AS HELL
You arent the only one that makse mistakes.
But I need you to get up and brush your knees off and get to work. You will most likely make some small mistakes along the way. BUT I need you to put your nose to the grindstone and start doing... no more trying. YOU CAN DO IT AND WE ARE HERE FOR YOU...
I have been where you are Suzanne.... but you are fighting this so to speak.
It is time to get to work love... it is going to be hard as hell but you can do it. Have a goodnite and think about this please. You need to accept this is going to hurt like hell and you will make it thru~
Thank you Ali, but one point to add, this doesn't hurt as much as you might think.
Poet, your husband is in a downward cycle, hes miserable, stressed out, panicking, angry, his whole world is a mess and hes' added an OW to just make this that much worse.
You pusuing him is you jumping into that nightare too. Just step OUT of it by detaching. My wife created a miserable world for hserlf too, and dragged me into it with her OM. Once I got OUT of that world and started creating one for MYSELF that was HEALTHY I felt a LOT better.
This shoudlnt HURT it will actually feel BETTER. Right now you are in pain, but if you just step OUT Of this ridiculous drama your H is creating you will be much better off...his channel is miserable and painful, change the channel and let him be miserable.
Spouses OFTEN DO come around when you tune them out and find something better to do with your time. Mine is coming around and others have too.
Just refuse to be part of the sick little world they have created for themselves...he is dragging you into it, just dont fight with him, don't argue, dont answer HIS QUESTTIONS IEHTER...when he watns to know where you have been tell him "doing lots of exciting heealthy things for myself" and leave it there.
When i started doing stuff outside my home and ans't around my WIFE got REAL NOSY and WORRIED.
You just have to tune these children out and change the channel for yourself to something more enjoyable.
Do it, it wont hurt, trust me, it hurts a lot worse watching and living his drama.
I wanted to say one last thing before I went to bed. Please dont feel like I am being unsupportive or Mark is, or anyone here for that matter.
I used to be where you are honey. In immense pain that seemed to have no end and confused as to when the roller coaster ride would end..... I used to go to bed early cause it hurt too much to stay awake, I used to live on Coffee and Cigarettes. I also used to cry myself to sleep at nite. I used to curl my hair everyday every last piece it goes to the middle of my back. Just to find things to do so I wouldnt call him.
I could go on forever.... it was horrific. But I do know that as much as I could I walked the walk. I also had set my mini goals and tackled them one at a time.
Mark also made me remember the difference between supposedly loving them and babying them. My H said he felt like I never loved him either.
NEGLECTED....
I dont believe it is so much the doing it is more in the action. and you need to get stronger love and stop reacting.
IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNITE... IT WILL TAKE TIME.
I am proud of you honey, I just want to see you focus more on you and less on him. You are still too much under his thumb. Fine line... between loving and overloving....
It is alot to take in. Read it and reread it. *Marks posts*
And please when you can re-read DR. and get a highlighter!
Love you too hun , we are here for you. Take care and God bless.... ~Ali
Love you too hun , we are here for you.