In a Holding Pattern Waiting for Clearance

[ernest88]

okay, now I'm wondering... Do men need reassurance ?

sure SC. I need reassurance. I think it's cool to be reassured that I'm doing things right, doing a good job. That I look good. Not all the time but occasionally.

I actually like "the look" better..LOL...my STBX had that "look" when we got married. She had that same type "look" when our D was born..I don't do a good job of describing it but it the look of "I love you" The ladies probably know what I'm talking about better than I can describe it.

Looks like I was wrong about my communication, maybe it still sucks. LOL..

anyway SC, yea..I need reassurance at times..LOL

[Coach]

okay, now I'm wondering... Do men need reassurance ?

For me absoluteley. We married our wives to take care of them. We want to know we are doing that and that we are appreciated for our efforts. I don't need reassurance that my clothes look Ok but that I am a good and honorable man and that she respects me. It is human to doubt yourself. I am not looking for her to prove my worth but for approval in her mind. If she does not approve then I am not doing a good job as husband. I think this would be part of the chicken/egg dance.
Think of the animal kingdom and how birds show off their feathers to impress the female. We DAM also want to be noticed and told how great we are. What does the male bird get for his display?

[Distressed67]

okay, now I'm wondering... Do men need reassurance ?

Yes we do. I would really like my W to say I look good. We all need an ego boost now and again.

I did a lot of work for coca-cola, I have that all american girl (now woman) look, long layered blonde hair and green eyes. I never modeled with a plumbersnake. LOL

I just can't let that plumber snake go.

you know what........that makes sense now. I get it. So, you guys laugh, at first, if the other guy doesn't then you know to call an ambulance ? lol

Correct and it allows the person that did something really stupid to save face. Its all an ego thing for us. That is why if one of your sons gets hurt playing a sport or doing something stupid, I'm sure they don't, with other people around the last thing he wants is his mom to rush over and be all concerned and stuff. He will get more ribbing from that then anything.

It's great that you've gotten better at knowing. I still wonder why she doesn't ask ?

She told me once she is a peace maker. She trys to not rock the boat and if she asks and someone gets mad or says no then she does not like that. This is the main reason she never left me and the main reason I gave all the power of where the R goes from here to her. It is also why I told her I would not be upset or hold it against her if she decides its over.

I never went quite that far, I guess I should. LOL Did you two used to tease & joke a lot ?

Yes we did use to tease & joke alot like this. That is why I think she is getting more comfortable with me. It feels like old times when she does that.

[Distressed67]

Quick update.

I am going to my B this weekend to tube down the Potomic. My W is taking our son to the Dr.'s in Philadelphia on Friday and our D is going along. She is then going to D&B for dinner because my S loves it there. I have a golf outing Friday afternoon and then heading to DC.

My W and I are talking about her going to Philly when I got home from work and I said that "I am going to drive to DC right from my golf outing."

She says "Oh you are leaving on Friday?" I said to her "We are tubing Saturday morning and you and the kids wont be home till after 9pm since Philly is two hours away and I really was not planning on driving there in the morning."

She's like alright. It was that half hearted responce if you know what I mean. I guess she was thinking I would be home Friday night or something. Not sure why since she had mentioned possibly going to my dad's in NJ because I would not be home and they could go to the beach.

Just seemed odd. She has know for over a month that I was going and we have talked about it but not exactly when I was leaving. I just assumed that since she knew I was going to be gone all weekend and she had to go to Philly that she knew I was leaving Friday night. She seemed ok after it. It was just the strange way she reacted when I told her.

Opinions?

[ernest88]

hey Tim, that is a little odd. any more interaction with her??

[Distressed67]

Mike,

We made dinner together then she and my D went to the movies. When they got home she helped my D start to clean her room, which is a pig sty. When I went to bed she said goodnight but we did not discuss this weekend at all after that.

I just got the feeling she was expecting me to be there Friday night. Not really sure why, whenever I have a guys weekend at my B I leave on Friday night. Maybe it is like last Sunday when she was all stressed out and you thought it was because I was leaving. Don't know and then it was back to normal after that it was just that "oh your leaving on Friday" comment that thru me off.

[ernest88]

had you dicussed this at all with her prior to her making the comment? I guess I'm wondering if she may not have known or had forgotten?? She may be missing you. Would she have a reason that she needs you there on Friday?? just observe and see how she acts about all this.

I just went back up and read..may since you had not told her exactly when you were leaving it may have taken her by surprise a bit..

[Distressed67]

Your right I did not tell her when I was leaving and I don't see why she would need me there unless it is to let the dog out but her F or S could do that.

It was just that when we discussed her plans a couple of weeks ago and her possibly going to my dad's I just assumed that she knew I would go down Friday night. I will need to be more clear in the future.

[whiskey.tango]

It was just that when we discussed her plans a couple of weeks ago and her possibly going to my dad's I just assumed that she knew I would go down Friday night. I will need to be more clear in the future.

Sounds like this is a regular gig and as you said before you always leave on a Friday night. Wonder why she thought this time should be different? It's worth asking about if you are puzzled. I have a bad memory so I tend to check with someone if they act surprised about my plans, hoping I didn't promise something then forgot.

I feel like I have to remind myself daily about being a better communicator.
AO

[Kenny]

I have found that for my own peace of mind I need to make sure that w knows exactly when I am available or not.

Assumptions about stuff in the past has led us here and I can no longer let them rule my life.

If w wants to talk or the kids need me then I want them to know I can be depended on. Its a definite in a world of moving sand that helps me keep focussed.

It might be right or not but it helps keep me sane. I dont generally go into a lot of detail about my movements when not with w and kids. Just enough that they know I am safe and ok.

Hope you are well and this helps