Hi Bridge, how much corn did you manage to do ? Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I will be canning some beef when I get back from vacation in a few weeks. Hopefully the garden coop I belong to will have extra tomatoes this summer (they did not last summer) & I can make & can my favorite salsa as well.
I keep meaning to pop over to your thread and offer my support. BTDT, still doing it. Just when you think it's safe to go back into the water.... (sigh).
Thanks for stopping by.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Bridge....it's all good. take your time. I'm finding it difficult to figure out how without taking the teacher/student roles and placing them on my W...LOL...
thanks
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
You sound so much like me, it's almost scary. I need to find this post where I talked about the fact that I felt like I had to do EVERYTHING, & it had to be done right, so I had to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Originally Posted By: bridgestone
I would like to see this post as well, you have such a succinct, yet eloquent way of putting so many of us (WAW & AWAW) into words.
Bridge, I found it.....I couldn't put it on goldey's thread because she's locked. Hugs.
posted 6/10 by smartcookie;
I've been realizing that I used to do EVERYTHING. I thought EVERYTHING had to be done a certain way & by a certain time, & that nobody else was going to do it, so I HAD to. When did I choose to become a martyr ? As a child...? or more recently...?
I've been thinking about the way "things used to be" around here.
I am really not exaggerating when I say that H went to work, ate, watched TV, slept, & showered here. For the last 2 years he's worked 8 hour days, for the previous 12 years he worked 10-11 hour days, & traveled as much as 14 weeks out of the year. He was verbally & emotionally abusive, & extremely disconnected from the kids & I. He was chauvanistic, & even told people he met me while I was working at a topless bar. (His best friend introduced us, I never worked at a topless bar).
I did EVERYTHING. I raised the kids. I did baths, teeth, hair, bedtime stories, nightmares, sick kids, & taught them everything from tie-ing shoes to how to drive a car. I'm the easter bunny, tooth fairy & Santa all in one. I took our kids to every doctor appointment & dental appointment, eye exam they've ever had. I did all the shopping, cooking, house work, laundry, yard work (including mowing until my boys were old enough), taking out trashes, getting cars serviced, all the banking, dry cleaning, & every other errand he needed. I cleaned out the garage, and even packed H & the boys for camping trips that I didn't go on. I put salt in the water softener, took care of a broken water heater, learned to fix toilets, changed fuses & air filters, you get the picture. Oh, & our sex wasn't good at all.
I remember one time when our youngest was 2 weeks old... H came home from work & got mad, saying he thought the house could be cleaner. I just cried. I had a 2 week old, & 3 other small kids. I drove myself to exhaustion for years, trying to meet his approval. I did everything to try to make him happy. I thought if I was "supermom" he'd love me more. So much of what I did was to make him happy. Why did I put his approval before my own ?
I realize that when I was younger, I always thought if I was good enough, quiet enough, or smart enough, someone would love me. When did this transfer to my marriage ?
A few years ago, I burned out. I hit the wall of depression and exhaustion & frustration. I gradually quit doing a lot of things, & guess what, H started doing some of those things.
H's can change. Mine has. He even says that last year I kicked his *ss & he needed it. He says he's happier now than he's ever been. He's a better person, husband & father. The kids like him better, heck even the dog likes him now.
Here's some of the things he does now that he didn't used to;
e-mails me every few days telling me how much he loves & appreciates me sends me romantic e-cards about once a week helps get our youngest ready for school, makes his lunch, drives him to school drives our other kids when they need a ride helps D14 with algebra, & S8 with all his homework plays chess/checkers with the kids takes kids for ice cream cones helps me with the dishes, helps clean up after dinner helps me fold laundry helps me put clean sheets on our bed helps clean whatever I ask him to takes care of front & back yard, & pool takes out all the trash, (or tells the boys to do it) I don't even think about trash anymore Calls on his way home, offers to stop & pick up bread, milk, whatever I need Calls me once a day to tell me he's thinking of me Asks me how my day was, & looks in my eyes while I answer Whenever I tell him something, he mutes the TV so he can listen to me We watch the TV shows we both enjoy ( it used to be HIS TV & he only watched the news & sports, I would watch TV in another room ) He offers me foot rubs several times a week offers me full body massages several times a week offers to run me a bath when he sees that I'm tired he compliments me frequently, & not just saying "you look nice" He's specific, "that blouse really makes your eyes look green" Now, he listens if I want to talk about my childhood, & he holds me when I cry He has read 6 or 8 books that I asked him to, & he's no longer abusive in anyway. Sex, is better than I ever imagined. He takes care of me first, & always.
A lot of my friends say H's never change. They're wrong, they do. Mine's proof of that. A lot of the H's here have changed too. I hear it in their voices, in their pain. Now, if their ready to WAW would just wait & watch & sit on a very uncomfortable fence for as long as it takes. She might end up with the marriage she's always dreamed about.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
