I'm sorry my post made you cry!! Definitely don't dwell on them if it makes you too sad.
I don't recall the exact date on that but I think it was last Spring sometime. That Fall I got "bomb #2" (last October) and this year, in May or so things started to improve... just last week we put our rings back on. It's far from the beginning, definitely and unfortunately. It takes more time and patience than I ever believed I had in me... but the reward is worth it, or at least it has been so far.
I am SO glad you have the anxiety/panic under control. Still do take a look at that breathing stuff I sent you, just in case it helps. I STILL have it happen to me 1-2 times a week - the difference is now I feel it coming as soon as my left hand tenses up, and I can do what's needed to stop it.
You're gonna be OK, Poet.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Quick note to let you know that I observed my breathing last night when I went to bed, and you're right, I am taking shallow breathes. Will try (oops, not try Neil) I WILL work on that.
I am calming down, I go through spurts at work because I don't want to be there. I really don't know how I'm making it through. I'm sure my boss is not happy
its the normal up and down of your emotions, poet, when you feel like this. in the immediate aftermath of my bomb, i didn't want to do ANYTHING at work. except, i couldn't pull that off. i had to teach my kids......you can pull yourself together. work should be a great escape for you. compartentalize your mind, take the feelings of dread and fear, lock them away somewhere, and focus on your job...... it's a way of GALing....
and you're welcome. :-)
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
If it makes you feel any better, I probably heard these same lines about 100 times. It took a long time to accept, especially considerig that we had 2 yr old twins. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I was just curious if you had started to see an IC (or have been going to one). You have had some difficult times in your life, some of which have had a bearing on your present sitch.....just thought having that extra "professional" person to talk to might help a bit instead of depending upon our background from the school of hard knocks.....both have their benefits.
I have confidence that you can work through this. Another book I found helpful was "His Needs, Her Needs", it may give some insight into how affairs start, how they end, and how to work past them. Granted, I don't think you are in a position to start talking about working past it with your H, but reading it might help to better understand how you got to your present sitch and what your H's mentality was at the time.
Right now, I would focus first on gaining peace within yourself (whether that is from meds, GAL, or some combination), then I would work on creating a comfortable environment within your house, one that you and your H don't feel pressured and can be relaxed. Basically this comes down to putting the bad memories from the past and your fears behind you and just being yourself.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
""professional" person to talk to might help a bit ....both have their benefits."
TD, Yes, I'm seeing an IC, but honestly, she just wants me to get into the mindset of divorcing him and all that goes with it. Not much help in DB. I did tell her about DB and she 'argued' with me about it. I just stuck to my convictions, though.
"...instead of depending upon our background from the school of hard knocks."
Gosh, please don't take this wrong. I don't mean any offense but I feel like I have 'major' problems. Maybe I do. I have to say that this is the first time in my life I've ever been on meds, and I'm a little afraid of that.
I need to explain that the doc put me on Zoloft about a month ago, and then after three weeks, I broke out in rashes and had extreme "allergic reactions," which was *also* a contributer to part of the panic attacks. Anyway, I'm not making excuses for myself but I'm sure this behavior affected my H. He doesn't/didn't know how to handle it either, and that made the sitch worse.
Then, last Thursday, she took me off Zoloft completely, cold turkey. She was also giving me Xanax, which is habit forming. I stopped taking them, by myself a few days ago and so, I was withdrawing.
I know these things are contributors. I hope I'm not as crazy as I sound. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll be OK.
Yes, I'm seeing an IC, but honestly, she just wants me to get into the mindset of divorcing him and all that goes with it. Not much help in DB. I did tell her about DB and she 'argued' with me about it. I just stuck to my convictions, though.
Honestly I would find a new IC, one that has the same goals for you and is educated in solution oriented techniques. Michele has a section in her book about how the wrong IC can make things much worse. The first thing I did when I talked to my IC on the phone was tell her my present sitch, and that my goal was to restore and rebuild my M, then I asked her if she would support me in that effort while helping to build a better me. If she said no, then I had other numbers I could call......don't settle, your IC should be working with you not against you.
Did you mean to say that you don't feel like you have major problems or you do feel like you have them? JUst looking to clarify before responding
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I agree with TD~ you need a solution based/DB oriented type IC. Thinking of you and I am so happy you have TD and Neil with you every step of the way! ~Ali
I'm glad you took a minute to check out the breathing thing. It can make you have some REALLY funky and unexpected "symptoms" like the shakiness. Glad you're going to work on it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Definitely change counselors. You need someone that will work with you, not argue about it.
I chose not to take the meds. I didn't want any trouble getting off them and was afraid of the effects. So much better to just drink a glass of wine once in a while. : ) A joke, but I do like my wine.
Your H didn't know how to handle you or the guilt? Trust me, the WAW's feel guilt and they don't want to. They feel bad when you cry or get upset.
I'm pulling for you to DB. The IC that argued with you is very low in my book right now.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
So? Ali? Good to see you. I'm sorry I've been so neglectful lately. I guess you could say I'm 'going through a DB crisis.' These are what we call "steps?" OMG, I thought they were impasses. You give me hope girl! Like I'm actually in movement. I feel so stagnant, maybe even like a backtracker?
Nik, yes, I was working on it while driving to work this morning. Thank you.
TD, You always ask me the *hardest* questions. The answer you are waiting for, I'm afraid is too loooooong and 'reflective' to give you here/now while I'm on lunch break at work. Can you wait until tonight when I get home? I promise I will answer it tonight. I know you're not a "weekend" DBer, but maybe you can just check in on me and skim it or something and get back to me on Monday, if you want. I hope I'm not overworking you. I'm sure I am.
Quickly though ... you always make me think. I guess that's a good thing. Better to think than to feel, right?
Anyway, the rest of this message really belongs on your thread Neil, but I don't have time to go visit right now. So, here it is. For all the 'boy geeks' I have story that may blow your minds. You could if you want to have your other boy geeks come over here and read it, if you think it worthwhile. ha ha ha
Here goes:
Ya know I'm a librarian right?
Well, yesterday a little 10-year-old boy (let's call him geeky) came and asked me to find him EVERY book we have on WWII. He talked incessantly to me about what he knows about WWII. We found the section in children's, but he'd already read most of them. His young mother was very particular that he was not to read any adult books just yet. (He wanted to tho).
Ok, there's more. He also wanted EVERY book on Star Wars. Yep, you heard right. I found some but they were adults, and his mother was insistent that we were not to get them for him. (Even though he came to me directly after his mother said no).
So, I suggested YA books, those of for the teens, which he is not. His mom then ask the difference between those and children's book. "Are they a bit more graphic?" Well, yeeeaaah!
OK, so he is not allowed to read them either. But I pleased him. I got him a bunch of books that he was, well, satisfied with. So, the question is....is this kid a geek, or what?
