If you actually hit the reply or quote button, rather than going right into the post box, it will give you a row of options, that include font size, color, and smiley options.
I agree--I get a lot of info just from reading the responses to others' sitches. It gives some different perspectives.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
My D is turning 16 in about six months and wants to take her close friends to see a play. We discussed this because my W was worried family members might be upset if we dont throw a big party. I said its her Birthday and she can celebrate it how ever she wants and if the families want a party we will go out to dinner and do cake. And if they don't like it tough sh** in my book.
JUMP ON IT!! LOL
We threw a HUGE party for my D16 last year. It was such a hit, that the kids are STILL talking about it. She is active in a drama choir at school and we used a musicals theme for it. Other than the basics, she had absolutely no idea what her grandmother, dad, and I were up to. Final cost--about $3K !
BUT, she is an amazing kid and she totally loved it! I told her that was it until graduation, and then when she gets married. I am so glad I will not have another one of those for almost 8 years.
SMW
My D is very laid back and does not like to have big parties. She would much rather take her close friends to a Musical than spend the money on a big party. I'm all for that, My W and I enjoy them also so its win/ win in my book.
The families will understand, my W is always worring about what other people are thinking or wanting instaed of concentrating on her needs. She thinks of herself as the peace maker and right now that is not what she needs to do. Thus the reason why she is just crusing along and not finding what makes her happy. She is too worried about me and I want her to concentrate on herself and decide on a course and take it. Either with me or without don't care which just decide and lets move forward.
Wow, I have to say, I have just read this last page on this thread, and I am amazed at how much your posts -- all of you -- are helping me. I am a woman who was left behind, so I can't relate to you all in the same way as you relate to each other.
But, for some reason, I seem to get more out of what you say and how you say it, for my own sitch and emotions. I know I was the one who drove away my H. I'm actually still in shock over what has happened this past year with us, but I'm very aware of how powerless I am to change his mind.
I am glad you are getting something out of my sitch. If anything I do or say helps people, it makes me feel good inside. Just don't make the same mistakes as I have.
And yes you are powerless to change his mind however you have a lot of power in changing the R. Working on yourself, detatching and GAL are the three things that will bring you peace and happiness no matter what your H does.
Originally Posted By: Suzanne1
He said just last night, "I do love you and care about your but you don't understand how someone can love you and still divorce you." Honestly, he's right. I don't understand it.
He was actually whispering on his cell phone last night as I was in the next room. I was devastated and he says he doesn't understand how anything he does now should hurt me.
P.S. Does anyone here know how to get the smiley faces, etc. other than just typing them in?
S
What my W meant by the ILYNILWY speach is that I care about you, do not want to hurt you but that feeling of connection is not there. You do not meet my needs and if I could figure out how to make a D work I would.
I was overly dependent on her, got mad when she did not make me happy or meet my needs and over the years it wore her down to the point that she just could not stand being with me but did not want to hurt the kids or have other people think she was a bad person.
I change me, how I look at myself, how I interact with my kids and W and I started doing stuff that I enjoy doing. She is much happier, asks me about my new job, how my day at golf went and is willing to do things to help me. I in return have been taking the kids to more appointments and helping around the house with housework and redoing things she wanted done for years.
I changed and in doing so it changed our interactions. When I messed up on Thursday our R changed for the worse, when I went back to the new me on Friday it changed again. So to make a long point short, oh too late, you cannot change or control him but what you do will affect how the two of you interact thus changing the R. For better or worse that is your choice/ power.
I understand Mike, I just assumed that you were too busy with your house and the wedding. Also there are alot of other people out there that need your help right now more than me.
Always appriciate your comments and advice.
Hope everything went well yesterday and I got your emails.
Just as my S and I were leaving to go play mini golf my FIL stops by. I invited him to come along. He tells me he is here to weed the garden. I said the weeds can wait come spend time with your grandson. He says I don't have any money and I do not want to intrude on father/son time. This is like pulling teeth. I told him I will pay and my S and I would enjoy having him spend time with us.
All three of us went and played mini golf and I bought ice cream after. All had a great time. Got home about 9:30 and went on the internet. W got home about 11:30 asked why I was still up and on the computer. Told her I was just surfing the net. She is wondering what sites I am surfing so late. I told her just news sites and stuff thats all. Need to be more careful last thing I need is for her to find this site.
We went to bed talked till after midnight about our evening and I fell asleep with her spooning up against me.
Got a good night sleep and when I woke up I snuggled up to her. Know I should not have but I really felt connected with her this morning. Got up and she came down shortly after. Saw that I was eating breakfast and said jokingly "I guess this means your not making breakfast for us, thats not right". (I have always done the cooking at night and in the mornings on weekends, I enjoy it) I said I told you I had to go into work early this morning to fix my job that the engineer had made some comments on. She just smiled and I said goodby.
I am off to a seminar on Monday and Tuesday without a laptop so this might be my last post till Wednesday. Hope all is well with everybody till then unless the hotel I am at has computers I can use.
Got home from work and the W was a little on edge not really sure why but seemed stressed. She had been making food for dinner with her parents and sister tonight. I helped her finish up and did the dishes. Then I went out and did some yard work. Showered, packed for my trip and then sat down for a couple of minuets with W.
Made dinner for IL and the W and I ate outside while everyone else was inside. She got us some drinks and I asked what was wrong you seem out of it. She said she felt overwhelmed and did not want to be around anyone. Not me and the kids but her family but we always do this on Sunday and she felt she had to. I listened to her and told her I understand. After dinner I cleaned up and we played Texas-Hold’em. Ended up between me and W and I took her out on the river card. Then I packed the car and left. We both said goodby, she told me to drive safely. No hugs or anything but that is where we have been at for quite a while now. Didn’t expect it just pointing it out.
Monday got up and texted the W Good Morning and to have a good day never did this before but thought I would give it a try. Did not get anything back from her, wont do that again. Spent all day in a seminar. W calls about 11:00 and leaves me a message asking how it was going and if she needed to pick up my drawings from the engineer. Called her back and left her a message saying it was going fine and that they were not ready to be picked up yet. W calls again about 6:00, I’m at dinner she leaves me a message telling me she is taking S to scouts and to give her a call later. I was figuring on calling after 8 because everyone would be home at that time and I could talk to all of them at once. W calls again at 7:20, I answer and she asks kinda jokingly “aren’t you going to call your family”. I tell her we were at dinner and I was planning on calling after 8. She said ok and we talked for a couple on minuets. I call her after 8 and talk to my S who had a counsel review meeting to advance to Second Class. Asked him how it went and how his day was. Then he gave the phone to my W and we talked about how things went at scouts and her day and everything and that I will be home tomorrow but will play in my golf league first. Told her to have a good night and she said you too.
Went to room changed and then hung out at the pool with all the other people who were at the seminar. Nothing like free food and drinks all night
My first impression about your last post was this: You W asked you about "calling your family," because she 'wanted' you to and became impatient. This happens to me all the time. Take it from an 'expert' caller.
