Okay so, did you ever figure out what your W's LL was? Is it words of affirmation? Those lyrics just seem like she has no confidence in herself. What can you do to encourage her to pursue something that she may have set aside when she became a wife and mother? Has she ever mentioned something she enjoyed, but gave up?
Oh, and the kiss?? Glad you did not get smacked, glad it got her a little confused, and good on you for sitting on the next on for a while. Let her think about it and maybe she will initiate it next time.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
When you're broken in a million little pieces And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore Every tear falls down for a reason Don't you stop believing in yourself When you're broken
Brian, my dear friend. Your wife is lost. Meaning she feels lost and she feels like she is broken. She has to find herself, that doesn't mean without you eventually. It means she has to find herself again and figure out how to keep that and her marriage at the same time.
A lot of women who have been through all the things that your wife has eventually have to stop and find out who the hell they are. She has been living in a shadow world where she had to play certain roles and maybe allowed herself to not follow who she wants to be. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
You must be her rock right now Brian. Before you even think it, do not say a word to her about this Brian. You show her with your actions. You support her in what she is doing. You encourage her to find what makes her happy. You enthusiastically listen when she tells you about new things she tries to do. You show her with your actions that you are supportive of her figuring out what makes her a happy woman. After all, the bottom line is you want a happy woman raising your children whether it be with you or without you.
One last thing Brian and I will leave you be. I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words. Now how do you respond?
I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words.
This could not be more true... she may be confused and trying to find herself, but she trusts you with her most important and fragile part... her heart. She couldn't have told you (or at least i couldn't have) without trusting that you'd be able to help her through this and let her do this.
This is probably some of the most valuable info you ever could have gotten... Ian is right on...
take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Race fan, first time i have posted on your situation. been here since oct 2007 . just wanted to say hi. glad to see you are a nascar fan. who is your fav driver. don't hate me, mine is jeff gordon. your wife sounds as lost as mine. i have read some of your situation, you are handling it pretty well. i agree about being her rock. she needs stability, i am being my wifes rock. she seems to be all alone in this, very hard to watch.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
When you're broken in a million little pieces And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore Every tear falls down for a reason Don't you stop believing in yourself When you're broken
Brian, my dear friend. Your wife is lost. Meaning she feels lost and she feels like she is broken. She has to find herself, that doesn't mean without you eventually. It means she has to find herself again and figure out how to keep that and her marriage at the same time.
A lot of women who have been through all the things that your wife has eventually have to stop and find out who the hell they are. She has been living in a shadow world where she had to play certain roles and maybe allowed herself to not follow who she wants to be. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
You must be her rock right now Brian. Before you even think it, do not say a word to her about this Brian. You show her with your actions. You support her in what she is doing. You encourage her to find what makes her happy. You enthusiastically listen when she tells you about new things she tries to do. You show her with your actions that you are supportive of her figuring out what makes her a happy woman. After all, the bottom line is you want a happy woman raising your children whether it be with you or without you.
One last thing Brian and I will leave you be. I want to make sure you clearly see how huge it is for her to tell you about this song, do you see it? There is no way to confuse what this song is about. She is telling you about her, about her pain, about her sorrow, and about what she is feeling about herself and trying to do. That my friend is a gift, that is her subtle way of allowing you some vision into her head and telling you that she can trust you with these words. Now how do you respond?
Ian
Ian...
OMG you have no idea how spot on you are with this, night before she left she told me she just didn't know how to be everything to everybody wife, mother, friend, lover, daughter, employee, and worst yet I don't even know me anymore. She said unfortunately it was me she chose to neglect or take for granted. Yes I would agree she has been living in the shadows for a long time.
Actions speak louder than words I agree. Yes I want her happy and I am coming to grips that it might be without me. It's not hard to listen I enjoy it now.
I would agree that if this is how she is feeling it gives me a better understanding of where she might be, and that there are years of hurt before me that are on top of things that went wrong in our M. I really wish she would get some IC to help her in her direction but I know she won't.
How do I respond? I will keep being there for her be it good or bad be her friend and be honest when she asks for that from me. I can finally quit blamin myself for everything and just accept that which was mine and by doing this I think I can be stronger for her if that makes sense.
Race fan, first time i have posted on your situation. been here since oct 2007 . just wanted to say hi. glad to see you are a nascar fan. who is your fav driver. don't hate me, mine is jeff gordon. your wife sounds as lost as mine. i have read some of your situation, you are handling it pretty well. i agree about being her rock. she needs stability, i am being my wifes rock. she seems to be all alone in this, very hard to watch.
Hey craig...
I appreciate you stoppin by, I have read and kept up on your sitch and totally understand what you are saying about them being alone and lost it saddens me to see anybody in that much fog let alone my W. Well I tell ya trying to stay a rock at least I have a better understanding.
I am a Tony Stewart fan, I won't hold it against you for Gordon, you can't take away from him that he is a good driver, but get a new nickname 'rainbow warriors' is a little scary.
well Brian..my my my..looks like she threw you a bone brother. Thank god for heart wrenching country songs right??
She told you whats wrong. She drew you a map. I agree with SMW and Ian. It's time for Brian to be all in. It's time to put in 100% max effort now.
Our phone conversation earlier may have been a little off. She's lost Brian. She needs to find herself. You can help her find herself by supporting her when you feel like there's no more reason to support her. Be her rock through this mess. I can't tell you how to go about being that rock but you can start by being a really good friend to her..
Hey Bri, I just listened to the song on you tube, & I need some time. Ian's pretty much right on.
If I don't respond tomorrow, remind me. okay.
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Brian, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. ic would be great idea, same with my wife, months ago, she said she was thinking about it , but never followed through.actually she hardly ever follows things through. this is so no like her. that is how i know she is lost and feels alone. even though she has me right here, waiting to help any way i can. your wife also.they just need to reach out.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
ann