Here is the next email I am planning to send tomorrow.
Quote:
Hon—
I am glad that work is not too crazy for you right now. I am sure you are right, recruiting duty, and the pace you guys had to work at, is definitely going to set you at a difference urgency level.
No, I am sure having the machine do all the troubleshooting that you are used to doing yourself would not be much fun. I remember you telling me that it was like babysitting the CASS, not really working. If chief does not happen, I am glad you will have the opportunity to move to a shop that will give you more control and hands on. I know you have never minded getting in the trenches to get things done. Would moving to another shop then make you an LPO?
The same rumors are floating around the military forums on the release date for Chief results. Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you.
Not too much exciting going on around here. The kids and I were going to go down to the boardwalk to see a chalk art exhibit and watch fireworks on Sunday, but it started thundering and lightning right before we were due to leave and then the downpours started about an hour before the fireworks were supposed to go off. I will probably take the kids to see a movie this week. Columbus is doing free movies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This week choices are Mr. Bean’s Vacation and Happy Feet.
If you see BF, tell him I have been calling to check on BF's W and the baby. I am going to go over and see her tomorrow and bring her some dinner. I am sure, with no one to cook for but herself, that she is not being too good about making herself dinner every night. Also, SIL wanted to remind you that Niece’s first birthday party is on the 9th. The Human CandyLand that the kids were talking about is on the 8th, at the church.
I am adding notes from the kids at the bottom. We are praying for you—stay safe. We love you and miss you.
All our love, SMW
Alright, submitted for approval and revisions.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
This is exactly what my H said. I believe part of this is due to our criticisms and either disappointment, or annoyance that we put off. I can't think of things off hand, but I know one thing my H meant was my desire for him to go to church, and I would be sad that he wouldn't go, and I subconsciously let myself be bitter about it, and therefore our Sundays would not be good days.
And of course the OW always lets them be themselves. that's how all R's are in the beggning... where the little cute things are cute in the beginning, but then after getting M and being together those cute things are now the annoying things.
I agree with SG that this email is not going to be a lot of telling about you. If he had asked a question about you, then I would say give more info. Otherwise, I would perhaps choose one thing to mention, a quick sentence like... The kids and I went to the park and we saw the most beautiful "??", it was remarkable!
IDK, just one little thing that is exciting to make him think you are enjoying life, not just living because your alive, but living because your blessed. and I know exactly what you mean by not wanting him to think you can live wonderfully without him. The thing to realize is, if we portray our lives in a fun and exciting way, it is luring to them and makes them want to have that in their life too. If we do the opposite, well, that's obvious, why would they want to be with someone who's dull. And if we act needy, well, that usually is taken as pressure and they will withdraw more. Of course you have to choose actions and then look to see if those actions are causing harm, or doing good. If they cause harm, well, then you obviously want to try something different. I believe in most every case, the LBS should act like they love their life and be excited and show the WAS they are enjoying their life to the fullest. It will help pull them away from the hole they have dug themselves into. Because even though they are having these "fantasy" lives, they are very much in pain as well because of the sin they are living in, and they are looking for happiness, but this happiness is false, but what the LBS has, is true happiness and this will draw the WAS to them. IMHO
On your email... I still feel that you should think about the term "hon". And perhaps rethinking the we love you-miss you's at the end. One of the things that I realized, or read, was that as LBSers, we can sometimes want our spouse to know they are loved, and we want to show our love and so we will act on that, or say ILYs or say endearments, but this is a selfish love because they are not wanting this right now, and sometimes this can cause guilt for them. Now, your term Hon, I don't know that it would cause guilt, but perhaps he may feel some kind of pressure from it. I know you said he doesn't act like it's a problem. But I'm curious as to what he would do if you stopped doing it. I wonder what he would be thinking. just a thought. I don't know why it's bothering me so much, but it just seems weird to me. And I know you've included the kids with the ILYs, but again, if your H is not saying he loves you, then you telling him you love him can make him feel guilty because he does not feel the same way (right now).
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you.
Okay, I'm trying to remember. I know we talked about your encouragement to your H about a promotion that he's never gotten. Is that right???? I hope I'm not mixing you with someone else.
Well, I think that perhaps (unless you think he appreciates these things) that you could say the encouraging promo things in a diff way and simple. Like, "I think you would make a great chief! "I know many people have a great admiration for you, including myself". I'm just feeling that if your H has felt like he may have let you down, or isn't worthy of you, that he could feel like your either patronizing him or something. It could seem as though your trying to overcompensate? OR, he may take it as a good compliment, as it was meant to be.
IDK....I wouldn't have brought it up had it not been for me remembering these past convos. Was it your H that I was thinking about? I know I'm being a little nit-picky...I do that sometimes. It's a good email though.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
SMV- i think it looks good, but i agree with STImadeit about the "hon" does your sitch call for it? I mean, is he still having the EA? IDK....that's just my 2 cents. Other than that, it's good.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
I have a hard time pinpointing what he means by "being himself." I am the one that has trailed all over the place after him while he pursued his career. Church was never something I pressured him about--we joined the choir together and he wanted to attend Bible study becasue he knew so little about religion, having been raised in a house where none was practiced.
Yes, I kept the email simple, sticking to the basics and letting him know what the kids and I are doing. However,I am starting to do more things with the kids, so there will be a lot more of that. I am going to see Batman this week,(I will go by myself if I have to) and I will mention that. He knows I do not like to go to the movies by myself, so he will wonder who I went with.
When I stopped all endearments and ILYs, H seemed confused, but not overly so. I would say probably becasue he is sure that I love him. After a few weeks, he would slip the occasional "Honey" into conversations, like when he and I were cooking togehter and he was looking for something. I do not think he even realizes he says it. To actually type it,I am thinking he would see it and edit it out, before sending the email. I am thinking I am going to leave it in, but I will take out the "we love you". I will leave the "We miss you", though.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Yes, it was my H that we talked about the promotions situation. I do think he likes Words of Affirmation,as his motehr is not one to dole out complimentsand encouragement He tends to be insecure about the things he does in his life. That is something I observed and also that our MC brought up, the day he walked out of counseling.
I do think I will slip in something refering to others that also think H deserves this promotion. Maybe like this--
Quote:
Of course, I have my fingers crossed for you. I have always thought you deserved Chief, and certainly more than some we have seen make it over the years. You are a great leader and go out of your way to get the job done right and early. That is something I have always admired about you. Of course, I am not alone in this. BF, F, and F also feel the same way. Everyone will be stoked to see you in Khakis, as we all know how much you have earned it.
Is that a little better?
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
