I too get frustrated a bit that I have to be 'perfect' in the PMA regardless of what is happening. We are not allowed to express our real feelings...
The trick here is to make the PMA your true feelings.
thats it and thats all.
of course, I know thats the hard part.
thats what i'm fighting with too. that why you/I detach, GAL, etc etc.
You're doing great, you're in the friendship phase. look back a few weeks and what were you thinking then? let my tell you what i'm thinking: If i get in the friendship phase, i'll be the happiest DBing DAM you've ever seen.
of course, I know thats the hard part.
I'm a DAM, i'm not stupid.
Just keep up the good work, when the doubts creep in, hit them with the 2x4 so you dont have to hit to yourself.
Most of the time they are my true feelings. I am happier and usually do have a PMA. I like my new job and doing stuff for myself. Sometimes it is just frustrating to fight your past all the time. I cannot change who I was or how I treated her but it always seems to circle back to it. She does not say it like this morning but I can feel it now and then all the same. That backing away type thing when I get to close.
I just need to be better at seeing it coming from a distance and head it off before it gets to close.
Thanks all for your input.
Have a great weekend, I will be putting in long hours.
I worked until 4:00 and then went to my mom's house to help her pack the moving truck. She is moving this weekend to Maryland. It took us about two hours and then we went to dinner. My W and kids meet us there.
While packing the truck my partner called me and I have to get a job designed and stamped by an engineer for Wednesday. Unfortunuately I am out of the office Monday and Tuesday. I told my W I have to go into the office last night and this morning to hopefully get it done.
Worked till 10:00 last night. On the way home she called to ask where I was and my partner called me. I put her on hold to talk to him because he is leaving for V and I need info from him. She hung up in the mean time.
When I got home she was on the deck with a fire going. I changed and went out there and apologized for putting her on hold. She said she understands and it was ok. We talked for about an hour and then went in to watch the rest of the news.
I went to bed around 11:40 and she did not come until 2- 2:30. Assumed she either fell asleep or was in my D room reading because she is with my mom. She is seeing Lion King tonight. Lucky her.
This morning my W rolled over and put her arm around me. Noty much but better than nothing. Then off to work. Ah self employment is a blast.
Tonight she is going to basket bingo and then to dinner and out for drinks with the girls. I will be hanging with the boy. Hopefully take him to the movies or mini golf.
Thanks for all your responces yesterday. Need to keep telling myself this is a marathon, took me years to get here may take my W and I years to recover. Hopefully not but only time will tell.
The arm around you is nice. She initiated the physical touch and that's a positive sign. Take it for that. I know it seems like a crumb sometimes, but imagine how big that would be for someone who doesn't even see their WAS.
I'm saying this for my own benefit too. We tend to lose sight of the small stuff because we are wanting the 'big stuff' to happen. I keep remembering when my wife and I were dating how it started small and gradually increased in intimacy.
Good stuff Distressed. Thanks for sharing because it helps me to remember where I'm at also.
Ken
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
The arm around you is nice. She initiated the physical touch and that's a positive sign. Take it for that. I know it seems like a crumb sometimes, but imagine how big that would be for someone who doesn't even see their WAS.
I'm saying this for my own benefit too. We tend to lose sight of the small stuff because we are wanting the 'big stuff' to happen. I keep remembering when my wife and I were dating how it started small and gradually increased in intimacy.
Good stuff Distressed. Thanks for sharing because it helps me to remember where I'm at also.
Ken
Your right about wanting the big stuff but when you go weeks without even a touch it gets hard. I know she is going thru alot even though she is great at hiding her emotions so I have to tell myself that she is unavaliable to me until she figures out what she wants.
I know alot of LBSs out there wish their R was a far as mine but its like anything else when you do get to this point your striving for the next. I envy SmartCookie and her relationship and she goes thru bad times as well. Its all in your prosective and having someone ahead of you gives us all something to shoot for. Its the competativeness of us men. I need to enjoy where I am at as you all say and stop wanted to move it along too fast.
While at work this morning the W called to see how I was doing and ask when I thought I would be home. Told her it would not be till after lunch. It would go quicker if I was not on DB half the time but she does not need to know that.
Got my project designed and dropped off at the engineers and then home. Ate lunch and talked with the W. My D is turning 16 in about six months and wants to take her close friends to see a play. We discussed this because my W was worried family members might be upset if we dont throw a big party. I said its her Birthday and she can celebrate it how ever she wants and if the families want a party we will go out to dinner and do cake. And if they don't like it tough sh** in my book.
Spent the rest of the time on idol chit chat and then she left for her outing with the girls. On her way out she wants to talk about the landscaping we just put in and the yard work that needs done. I said that is my plans for tomorrow, I love working outside its relaxing to me.
I think we are back on track now, just a little detour on Thursday/ Friday to spice up the ordinary.
My D is turning 16 in about six months and wants to take her close friends to see a play. We discussed this because my W was worried family members might be upset if we dont throw a big party. I said its her Birthday and she can celebrate it how ever she wants and if the families want a party we will go out to dinner and do cake. And if they don't like it tough sh** in my book. [/quote]
JUMP ON IT!! LOL
We threw a HUGE party for my D16 last year. It was such a hit, that the kids are STILL talking about it. She is active in a drama choir at school and we used a musicals theme for it. Other than the basics, she had absolutely no idea what her grandmother, dad, and I were up to. Final cost--about $3K !
BUT, she is an amazing kid and she totally loved it! I told her that was it until graduation, and then when she gets married. I am so glad I will not have another one of those for almost 8 years.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Wow, I have to say, I have just read this last page on this thread, and I am amazed at how much your posts -- all of you -- are helping me. I am a woman who was left behind, so I can't relate to you all in the same way as you relate to each other.
But, for some reason, I seem to get more out of what you say and how you say it, for my own sitch and emotions. I know I was the one who drove away my H. I'm actually still in shock over what has happened this past year with us, but I'm very aware of how powerless I am to change his mind.
He said just last night, "I do love you and care about your but you don't understand how someone can love you and still divorce you." Honestly, he's right. I don't understand it.
He was actually whispering on his cell phone last night as I was in the next room. I was devastated and he says he doesn't understand how anything he does now should hurt me.
P.S. Does anyone here know how to get the smiley faces, etc. other than just typing them in?
!