Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Bridgestone]

WCW
this is fulfilling S18 'senior year' family vacation plans he has had for 4 years. We told each of the kids that the summer of the senior year, they could pick out where the family would go on vacation (within reason). He chose DC about 4 years ago and has mapped out the things he wants to see there. H & I are in agreement what we promised him we'd do, shouldn't be negated by our separation.

The initial discussion was that we 'split' the trip. One flies out with them and spends 2 days, and the other comes out 2 days into the trip to finish it & flies back with them. S. hoped we could get along well enough to do it together. I am hoping by then we can too. I am going to book 2 rooms that adjoin so everyone can have their own bed. Or maybe a 2 bedroom suite. We have done that in the past traveling with the kids, even well before the separation.. it was just so H & I could sleep separately from the kids, not from each other.

As far as traveling with someone I won't live with, I have taken several vacations with several people (relatives & not) over my adult lifetime that I wouldn't want to live with either, but they are fun- in a relaxing atmosphere of a cabin at the lake or touring a city, or a road trip- depending on who it is.

H can be fun when away from work. He is attempting to leave work at work when we get together. He is improving.

Lodo:
yes the sex will come up I have no doubts, it does now and we aren't in daily physical contact. how do I feel about it?
Physically or emotionally?

PHysically.. damn, personally I could be in the SSM forum talking with Dancing Queen over there, but it would probably just add to the frustration. Sex was always good with us, I'm a woman in my fourties and hitting my sexual peak.. trust me, it is missed, a lot. It is for me, the one area in our R, where we were 'equals' in the room.

Emotionally... it gets back to my vulnerability and fear of sharing that intimacy with someone who still is not consistent & regular in the care of what is shared emotionally.

[Distressed67]

I think since this has been a long standing V for your S and you both have agreed to try and be nice that your solution of having joining rooms is a good one. I would certainly have a talk with him about why you want the room situation. Get it settled before you go because if it comes up during the V it will not be fun for anybody.

I understand why he would want sex. It is how us men feel connected but he does not understand that you need to be emotionally connected to really enjoy it or want it. This is another tough thing to get thru to us men.

[Bridgestone]

hi all,
I finished a DIY project last night that I'm proud of. I have slowly been replacing fixtures in my 1940's (partially remodeled in the early 90's) house. The main bathroom has had my focus recently.

So far I have put a new shower head on (replaced the old WaterPik shower massager on a hose, with a 'spa' one), put new matching hardware on the vanity & medicine chest, put a new light fixture up over the medicine cabinet.

I have had the faucet for the sink for a while now. Finally figured out I really don't have any water shutoff's anywhere except the main one coming into the house. So last night after supper, I shut off the water and started in tearing it apart. Got stuck with not enough torque to remove a piece from the original faucet & called a neighbor down the street who has been generous in helping me when I have needed a strong set of arms/back etc, in exchange for some cold beverages.

It just took him a minute or two & it was free. So back at it, removal of the old & installation of the new one into the correct holes was quick.

Connecting the pipe from the sink to the trap pipe was the trickiest as it needed to be trimmed to length, & cleaning the trap out was gross! (as long as I was there I figured I'd do it)

But by 10pm it was done!! water turned back on & no leaks!! whoo-oo!! What a feeling.


I am beginning to see why you guys like to 'fix' things so much!

Peace
Bridge

[lodo]

Glad you're feeling the satisfaction of a DIY project.

Next lesson, start earlier so that the hardware store isn't closed when you accidently strip the pipe threads. Starting a plumbing project after dinner is kind of like deciding to install a new version of powerpoint right before you give a presentation. It SHOULD work but sometimes there are some unexpected outcomes.

lodo

[WCW]

As far as traveling with someone I won't live with, I have taken several vacations with several people (relatives & not) over my adult lifetime that I wouldn't want to live with either, but they are fun- in a relaxing atmosphere of a cabin at the lake or touring a city, or a road trip- depending on who it is.

I get that, I do it often. That's about the only way I can afford to travel in my current sitch is if I 'trailer pool' with someone!

The real question though was why you would consider traveling and vacationing with your H when you won't live with him. You answered that when you said it was a promise made long ago to your son. That's cool.

If H said to you, Hey Bridge wanna go on a cruise with me? (or whatever) - would you go?

Congrats on the art of plumbing!!

[Distressed67]

I love a woman that is willing to do plumbing and electrical work. It is a great feeling when you do it yourself and it works. Now show it off and be proud. Great job.

[The Wifey]

(((Bridge))) I actually came looking for you. Sounds like you had a conquest, albiet with the neighbor's help. Still, I'm easily impressed. I hope things are good for you all day.

[smartcookie]

Hey Bridge, be careful talking about plumbing around here, the natives get restless. LOL

Congrats to you !!

Hugs.

[lodo]

Hey BridgeS,

So I'm supposed to go to DC to research some primary sources. Wanna do it for me while you're there? Is the Smithsonian going to be one of your stops? It'd be fun!

lodo

[Bridgestone]

Hi bridge, was wondering if you'd be back or not.

Yeah.. me too.

One of you has got to figure out how to break out of these cycles if you're going to progress. Based on apparent emotional abilities, I'd say that person is going to be you. Which you probably don't want to hear. But if you aren't willing to leave, then you're going to need to do a better job of showing him what you want in a way he can hear.

I'm trying to.. that is part of the reason we are in counseling for communication and I'm in C. for self-esteem & co-dependency.

But as it goes, it seems like with any counseling it is getting worse (hopefully before it gets better). The C yesterday (we went again yesterday) said it is common as a couple tries new tools it upsets the balance of how we hear & listen & we are out of our comfort zone. So while it hurts and things get said & heard differently, it also is a good sign that we are both changing.

Patience and space. both seem to be helping. the crash after counseling yesterday didn't seem as severe or as long lasting.

He went with me to Wally world to pick out a dremel for DIY projects (could have used one to trim the pipe in the bathroom sink the other night) and it went well. It was comfortable and enjoyable. He wanted to walk around Wally World & get ideas for hobbies.

He also for the first time last night opened up a lot about his view of himself as a workaholic and how it impacted his view of the M and me and the kids.

So, back to those creative juices. If you go to DC and stay in a separate room, how can you do that in a way that sends a positive message?

Not sure how to make it a 'positive' message. Suggestions?

lodo

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