The continuing story of the Lake Erie Shore

[Neilh23]

so i didn't explode in anger...but i think i backslid some. Had to call W back about the books she was looking at....and we had a bit of an old relationship talk.....whats interesting is that she IS struggling iwth this too...but she's so focused on the kids and her job.....and again she says just because the kids are struggling with this it isn't a reason to stay together. If she thinks that just because she didn't speak up about things should prevent us from being together....i don't get it....WTF. I did validate things tho...did get a little defensive when she said "last summer you were content to read, listen to bruce, and let them play"...hard not to, but i corrected it by saying i didn't know what i felt last summer.

this is so frustrating. yes, i know better. dammit. but i'm still pissed


and i'm so confused right now. i'm sick and tired of feeling like this.....confused. WTF. I just want my W back.

ugh

[Continuing]

Doesn't that suck how you can be so full of confidence one day (hour, minute) and be down in the dumps the next?

...the whole rollercoaster thing...

You get alot of advice from people and I certainly can't add anything to what they say.

But I thought I'd encourage you; its ok to feel this way. You are going through some major upheavel, your relationship is in turmoil and I'm sure you are learning things about yourself that are painful, freightening, and confusing.

Time is on our side. If we want to grow we must suffer this, but dammit, no one said you needed to be a spartan about it.

After I said I didn't have much advice, I'll tell you something that I am working on: be in the present, not the past, or the future. Be quite, be brave, and sit with what you are feeling. If you can learn to be comfortable with and understand where these negative feelings come from, they will not be an issue anymore. They will not go away but your perception of them will have changed.

but the good news is that tomorrow is a new day...

B

[TwinDad]

Neil,

Ok.....everyone knows Mondays bite
Mondays where you hand your kids off are even worse
..........
Today is Tuesday!

Live today for today

My W said all the time the kids were not a reason to stay together. I would imagine the reason your W is pressing with the co-parenting books now is that she isn't happy. She isn't happy with the way the kids are adjusting and figures the co-parenting will "fix" that. Part of the reason she isn't happy is because of the good time the four of you had as a family and realizes that it felt good. She may even be pulling back a little bit because of that.

I doubt even the best co-parenting will make her happy about the sitch. One good thing you found out yesterday is your W is having just as hard a time with this as you are......

Give her the loving space she needs....you have been doing a great job with that. Yesterday wasn't much of a backslide...though I don't know how much of an R talk you got into.

Today is a new day......make it a good one

PS: After the bomb my W wen out and got a tattoo (I saw you mentioned this in one of the other threads)

[Neilh23]

the books are kid oriented..."It's not your fault Koko Bear" and "Dinosaurs Divorce"......LOL....the 2nd one is the one that really hit where it hurt LOL...

i can tell she's pulling back a bit. she's not too keen on taking the kids to the county fair now....again, because she doesn't want them to expect something dramatic when the four of us are together.

we actually didn't talk about our R too much. She told me that i can't keep beating myself up about it.... iwanted to tell her why, but held back...alot of it i just expressed that i was frustrated.......but didn't go into any specifics....it's like i needed to tell her that.

My W said all the time the kids were not a reason to stay together. I would imagine the reason your W is pressing with the co-parenting books now is that she isn't happy. She isn't happy with the way the kids are adjusting and figures the co-parenting will "fix" that. Part of the reason she isn't happy is because of the good time the four of you had as a family and realizes that it felt good.

the adjusting thing...yeah..she's said that....i wanted to blurt out "well the best thing for them is for us to be together..." again, but didn't.

overall i felt like i held back alot....just sorta listened and validated.....actually brooded was more like it. i knew if i started in...i was going to go off...so i stopped.

tuesday.

at least i can go to the gym later.....

[TwinDad]

the adjusting thing...yeah..she's said that....i wanted to blurt out "well the best thing for them is for us to be together..." again, but didn't.

There isn't a LBS with kids that hasn't felt that way. You did great to hold your tongue. There will be a definitive contrast bewteen the best co-parenting and when the four of you get together for family time. During these times she wil ldoubt her decision and your DB skills will shine through.....patience

i can tell she's pulling back a bit. she's not too keen on taking the kids to the county fair now....again, because she doesn't want them to expect something dramatic when the four of us are together.

The pull back is normal....give her loving space she will come back. It is actaully good that she doesn't want to have a big event each time the four of you get together. That to me tells me she wants to know what "normal" family time will be like....that is excellent. As far as the fair goes...if you have the kids then take them. Just have fun. Don't send her pix messages while there or anything else to make her feel guilty for not going. If she contacts you then be nice and friendly.

I wouldn't read too much into the books, they are geared towards D, probably because there are no books that say "Mommy and Daddy are taking a break for a little bit"

[Neilh23]

overall, i'm glad i didn't go off......altho i wonder if part of her wanted me to....i never really expressed alot of emotion when we were together....esp. anger....not sure. Probably good because it would've been very self-centered...about how this has hurt me...hurt the kids....destroyed our family. Very irrational since i knwo we both messed things up.....

this is good, right?

[Kenny]

You think its good to let out the thoughts because they are reasonable and rational but then you know that the ears listening keep getting more irrational. I find this the hardest thing to deal with. Accepting the changes in your w knowing all the pain they are causing.

I am almost at the point when I can keep quiet but not just yet.

You did real well

[poet]

Neil,

Your thread goes so fast, I can barely keep up with you. I love reading but I know I have been missing some. What page is the "Don't forget to dance" part?

s

[TwinDad]

Neil,

You did great....words only get you in trouble....actions can bring you closer together

[Neilh23]

the funny thing is is that i don't want her to pull back....i feel we are on the verge of something......LOL....that familytime........i forgot what it was like....i think she did too.

still very frustrating. like oyu said yesterday Tdad.....ok, enough foolishness.

suzanne....it's on page four of this thread....a quote from springsteen...