The continuing story of the Lake Erie Shore

[Neilh23]

FYI...venting

i'm fing pissed off right now. i have to be. i can't ignore this feeling. it's all BS. all of it. i fing hate this sitch.


IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY, DAMMIT.

WHY THE F DOESN'T SHE GET THAT????!!!!!!!

its not right. none of it. WHY DOESN'T SHE REALIZE THAT'S SHE'S MESSING WITH 3 LIVES HERE? NOW I'M STUCK IN THIS FING APARTMENT...THAT I'M ALLERGIC TO BTW....I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO MC....ISN'T THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE? YOUR FAMILY? WTF.

not done. but i better stop....one the the WAW's is libel to hit me in the head.....

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Neil--

Better that you are screaming and yelling here--not sending her text messages, emails, or calling her. I am not a WAW though, so I make no promises as to what SC or some of hte others may do!

I am the LBS, like you, and I have done my fair share of screaming into pillows. You are doing great, do not let this become a backslide.

Whiel I understand, from personal experience, how hard this is for you and the kids, at least your W is considering ways to mitigate the damage--if that is possible. She HAS to do this to make herself feel better about her choices. This is no reflection on you--it is all on her.

SMW

[Neilh23]

it's so damn frustrating....i'm doing everything in my power (i think) to try and save my marriage, and she keeps working against us....WTF.

i know. none of this is rational thought...but i need to get it out or else i'm going to explode......

thanks SMW....i know not to. i had to drop something off at her place too......she was on the phone. as much as it irritated me, that was a good thing...

[Continuing]

it's so damn frustrating

I know...I know. Regardless of what anyone says you both are ALLOWED to feel whatever it is you are feelings. I don't think there are any 'shoulds' at this point; you SHOULD be thinking rationaly, you SHOULD be happy, you SHOULDN'T be angry, etc.
Furthermore I think you NEED to experience these emotions as they come up for you to truely understand your side of things and ultimately who you are.

How you interact with your wife is a different matter. I think there are some 'should's' there if your goal is to perserve the relationship.

Don't make an enemy of yourself; be a friend to yourself, allow yourself just to be. You have given alot of grace to your wife through all of this, give some to yourself.

[TwinDad]

Good to get it out.....it is tough...I know.

it's so damn frustrating....i'm doing everything in my power (i think) to try and save my marriage, and she keeps working against us....WTF.

It is very frustrating...know go back and read your last weeks worth of posts.....some very positive stuff there. SHE invited you over for pool "date", SHE asked you to stay for hot dogs...see where I am going with this. She isn't against this as much as you might think. Now SHE is the one setting the pace....that you have to accept...which can be very difficult.

She may be giving you the co-parenting pamphlet because someone gave it to her and SHE doesn't know how long she is going to feel this way. As far as I know she hasn't filed for D yet.....right...... Read the co-parenting pamphlets, you may find some interesting tidbits in them.

I guarantee she knows the impact it is having on your lives. Everytime she drops them off for the long weekend or whatever you agree to she will be painfully aware of it. I am sure your kids asked about Mommy when they were with you....don't you think they ask about you when they are with her....this is not easy for any of you.

Now take a step back and ask yourself these questions

- Are you a better person now, than you were 6 months ago?
- Are you a better parent now, than you were 6 months ago?
- Do have a better appreciation for your M......?
- Do you have a better understanding of yourself.....?

Now the tough one.....

- Do you really think she made a mistake?



Based on what I have read of your posts (I like you Neil so I read almost all of them....I hope that doesn't make me too much of a narcisist....lol), I imagine you answered yes to the first 4 and no to the last. Your W wants a break....she is far from done.

It is good to get it out like you have.....I just wanted to remind you of the progress you have made in you and your R. They are both excellent.

Making the oven hotter will bake the cookies quicker, but will they taste as good when you get them out.......patience my friend

[Neilh23]

Tdad....yup. like a book. you read me. again.

thanks dude.

still angry. but i get it.

where did you get those questions from?

[jandn]

We all hear you and feel in the same boat a lot of the times. I want to vent like that sometimes, but has been getting easier as time goes by. The crying sucks but dont you feel better afterward. Used to hurt for days, but now just a few minutes then find something else to do.

They can talk a good game, just like Im sure all of us can, like about how they so much want to be a family, but seems easier just to get out and escape instead of putting the lesser energy of recieving help to fix the problem. We spend so much more energy hurting and fighting it seems so dumb, but everyone doesnt think logical.

We need congress to step in and fumigate this country to get people in line and stop all these D's or something like that. Make D illegal or something.

[TwinDad]

where did you get those questions from?

Made them up from reading your sitch.

Hang in there buddy. You are doing great. I had some pretty intense anger (W never saw it) and some intense sadness (would litteraly spend hours doing the "silent scream" in my cubicle.

You are doing great! Stay on the track!

[Neilh23]

As far as I know she hasn't filed for D yet.....right......

she legally can't until the end of a year from our legal sep date. so technically, no.

deep down.....and she's said this to me...i wonder if she's just going to wait the year out and go from there...LOL....i know..believe none of what you hear and half of what you see...

[Bridgestone]

...LOL....i know..believe none of what you hear and half of what you see...

You know, LBS are not the only one's think this. I'll lay odds, so does every WAS as well. That's why doing what you say is crucial to showing us we can trust you, consistently & regularly.

Neil: I hear your anger towards your wife with your WTF statements. The amount of energy that is going into this DB'ing effort, working the seperation agreement out, moving kids from one place to another, etc etc. seems like it would be better to put that energy into working on a marriage. That's what I hear you sayig with your statements?

Peace
Bridge