I am so sorry to hear about the snooping....it is very difficult to stay away. I still fight today to not snoop. I was at her office one day and I had access to her phone bills but did not look. The only outcome would have been negative. Still it took all of my will to not sneek a peak. You are one strong woman to have seen the bill and kept it together. Addiction or not it still pains me to read this stuff. Keep working at your goal...whatever it may be. I really believe that the most important thing for all of us regardless of where we are in our sitches is to get to a place where WE are content and not becasue of what our spouses do or don't do. Stay strong! J210
I'm glad your in-laws are so supportive of you. That's really encouraging!
Have fun at the beach! Don't burn!
Jeff-we ended up not going to the beach. the red flags were out--no swimming due to rip currents. Took the kids to the pool instead and they had a blast!
I did get a little bit of a sunburn, but not too terrible.
The visit with my inlaws went well and some things got out that needed to be said. I will talk about it in depth in the morning. I have been fighting to keep kiddos in bed for the better part of 3 hours. The girls finally crashed about an hour ago, but S2 is still going strong!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
boy, I remember the s2 times. okay, well it's still going on and he's 4 now. Dang, I need to get consistent. I could DB with my hubby, but I can't with my kids!
SMW, I'm so glad to hear you won't let the enemy rob you of your faith or fight. You are a great example for everyone on here!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Have not posted much to your thread, but I have been following. The one thing I like about your sitch is that you asked your H to move (I think I am correct on this one). I also asked my H to move. I find that very few on this board have asked their spouses to move. I always feel like I can relate to you a little more because of that. Also, you like myself were hoping that a move would help your H come to his senses, instead it looks like he stayed gone as did my H.
Yes, I did ask him to leave, but it was only for one night while he cooled down from a fight we were having. Itold him we needed to talk things out in order for him to come home and he was not willing to do that. I have, since going back to church and praying on my situation, changed my position on this to some extent. I don't know that I was hoping it would bring him to his senses, I think I just wanted to diffuse the tensions from the constant fighting.
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First off I think that looking at the caller ID and noticing how you look is a good sign. My H has recently started doing that. I think it keeps them wondering and not only that I think it is a way for them to see where they stand because at some point they do want to come back. Could be my wishful thinking. Could just be about control. Men like doing their dirt, but GOD forbid you, the mother of their children engage in the same thing. I would look at is a positive. The fact that he is lingering longer is also a testament to him at least missing life with you.
I was talking with someoen who knows the situation and is right here. She expressed much of the same things you said. On thing she hit on is that he comes to see the kids and does not take them elsewhere--instead choosing to have visitation here at the house. While here, we often cook together, he does little thngs around the house, etc. She agrees--he is trying to figure out the best way to come home.
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Prayer works. I am not the most religious person, but GOD has a way of getting you through when you let him handle it. I can't explain it, but that peaceful feeling that you talked about is a sign that GOD is on the case. The last few weeks I was having a really hard time, I gave it GOD and for whatever reason I am not as sad, or as frantic. I have this tremendous sense that it will be OK.
I know that all things are in God's hands. I know that God will provide restoration, in his time. I continue to work on being the wife my husband needs, while God works on restoring the husband I deseve to me. I am learning incredible patience through this, something that was in short supply for me before. maybe that was part of what God was trying to have me learn through my test?
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About thosse phone calls, I hate that you had to see those. Snooping never turns out well. One verse that I ran across says "dont fret, it leads only to evil." Don't fret over these calls. Think of OW as a virus that you have to let run it's course.
I consider her a symptom of my husband's problem--whether it be depression or a MLC.
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Also, I think 34 is a difficult age for many men. They come to the realiztation that they are not getting any younger and they finally have to grow up and that people are actually counting on them. It freaks them out and makes them do some goofy things.
I think that this age group--mid 30's, is becoming the new age of MLC. Wit the advances we have experineced in society, everything is happening earlier in people's lives than it has in the past. It is certainly not farfetched to think that mental crises that are triggered by acertain age would also happen sooner.
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Hang in there and keep saying those prayers.
Not a problem! I am working on getting more organized so I can pray more often durign the day. I am getting better at it and it is coming, in its own time.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
oh, I'm glad I got here when I did. I've been out of town, and now trying to catch up.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let this new information change the way you've been.
NOT a problem! I did not go into a tailspin, although I did cry thorugh my prayers taht night. There was almost a sense of desperation that I needed to step thngs up, as Satan is working even harder to knock me off my path. Too bad for him, it did not work!
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A very similar thing happened to me too. I really thought H was thinking about me, noticing me, enjoying the kids more, etc and that things would be saved, until I had to use his phone and snooped and saw a text he wrote while with me at his cousin's wedding "you are so gorgeous...blah blah blah" I was totally devastated and sick and gave him his phone like nothing was wrong and went to my car and cried and read the bible. I came back acting as if as best as I could.
What I got from this was this.
I KNEW that I still had a lot more work to do. I knew my struggle was not over, and I was put back into perspective. I know that snooping isn't always a good thing, but for those of us who can be strong and have God as their strength, we can use it for good.
Thank you for this ST! I know that it must be difficult for you to rehash what happened with you and your H, and I appreciate every tidbit you share. I did use this revelation for strength and reaffirmation to amp up the volume on my prayers. Obviously, if Satan is going to throw something like that at me, I am making an impact somewhere. He also has not been paying close attention to what I am doing, otherwise he would have realized I have grown far past the point where this would slam me back into the scared, desparate woman I was when I first found this forum.
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I KNOW that your H is thinking about things and he's getting confused. This is a good thing. He's noticing you. He's having fun with the family. He's getting comfortable with the family.
I KNOW that this is happening. I feel it and sense it whenever we are together.
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But yes, your right, the OW IS an addiction. It won't last though. And if you can continue being this strong, leadby Christ, woman, you WILL win this. You have done so wonderful thru this. You HAVE been strong, and it is from our Lord that you have this strength. This consistency that you have, is going to help you win quicker than others.
I am seeing this large quantity of calls as someone's desperate attempt to hang onto something that is not real. We never want to give up our fantasies, but at some point, they outlive their usefulness in our lives. I am so glad you see me as strong and Christ-led. This is what I am striving to be in my life--to live a life that honors Him and will use my marriage restoration to exalt His glory, as that restoration will be because He is fulfilling the promises that he has given us in His Word.
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Remember, don't let this affect you. Show him on these last days, just what he's going to be missing. I really can't think of anything that you could have done better.
We are having a family dinner here tomorrow night-his B and SIL will be joining us. I will drive him to the pier afterwards so he can be on the ship to deploy Friday morning and I will ahve th cheaper car to drive while he is gone. He will be gone three weeks and I want his last memories with the kids and I to be positive and full of the love that has always been there when he has left in the past.
I feel I am on the right track and it is good to know that others also see it, that it is not an illusion I have created in my own mind!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
