Have not posted much to your thread, but I have been following. The one thing I like about your sitch is that you asked your H to move (I think I am correct on this one). I also asked my H to move. I find that very few on this board have asked their spouses to move. I always feel like I can relate to you a little more because of that. Also, you like myself were hoping that a move would help your H come to his senses, instead it looks like he stayed gone as did my H. I have been at this for almost 9mths now, but the reactions that I am seeing from your H and some of his behaviors are things that I am see in my own H.
First off I think that looking at the caller ID and noticing how you look is a good sign. My H has recently started doing that. I think it keeps them wondering and not only that I think it is a way for them to see where they stand because at some point they do want to come back. Could be my wishful thinking. Could just be about control. Men like doing their dirt, but GOD forbid you, the mother of their children engage in the same thing. I would look at is a positive. The fact that he is lingering longer is also a testament to him at least missing life with you.
Prayer works. I am not the most religious person, but GOD has a way of getting you through when you let him handle it. I can't explain it, but that peaceful feeling that you talked about is a sign that GOD is on the case. The last few weeks I was having a really hard time, I gave it GOD and for whatever reason I am not as sad, or as frantic. I have this tremendous sense that it will be OK.
About thosse phone calls, I hate that you had to see those. Snooping never turns out well. One verse that I ran across says "dont fret, it leads only to evil." Don't fret over these calls. Think of OW as a virus that you have to let run it's course. Also, I think 34 is a difficult age for many men. They come to the realiztation that they are not getting any younger and they finally have to grow up and that people are actually counting on them. It freaks them out and makes them do some goofy things.
oh, I'm glad I got here when I did. I've been out of town, and now trying to catch up.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let this new information change the way you've been.
A very similar thing happened to me too. I really thought H was thinking about me, noticing me, enjoying the kids more, etc and that things would be saved, until I had to use his phone and snooped and saw a text he wrote while with me at his cousin's wedding "you are so gorgeous...blah blah blah" I was totally devastated and sick and gave him his phone like nothing was wrong and went to my car and cried and read the bible. I came back acting as if as best as I could.
What I got from this was this.
I KNEW that I still had a lot more work to do. I knew my struggle was not over, and I was put back into perspective. I know that snooping isn't always a good thing, but for those of us who can be strong and have God as their strength, we can use it for good.
I KNOW that your H is thinking about things and he's getting confused. This is a good thing. He's noticing you. He's having fun with the family. He's getting comfortable with the family.
But yes, your right, the OW IS an addiction. It won't last though. And if you can continue being this strong, leadby Christ, woman, you WILL win this. You have done so wonderful thru this. You HAVE been strong, and it is from our Lord that you have this strength. This consistency that you have, is going to help you win quicker than others.
Remember, don't let this affect you. Show him on these last days, just what he's going to be missing. I really can't think of anything that you could have done better.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I will be back in later on this morning to update the rest of my trip, the playset raising party, and yesterday's visitation. I will be honest, I feel like a kid on summer vacation too, and since I go to school online, I was enjoying a much needed break.
DO NOT WORRY--Satan did NOT steal my joy and my resolve was strengthened. I know many people, seeing what I saw, would have immediately quit--thinking why bother? I went to bed and prayed for strength and forgiveness--forgiveness for me, my H and the OW.
Need to do breakfasts, take D5 to summer camp, and I see my C at 11. No tailspin, just reaffirmation.
Be back this afternoon!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Thinking of you SMW. I actually found a secret phone H had just for his texts/calls to OW. I read 300 messages between the two of them. It still haunts me and I compare his actions with me to the things he said to ow. Calling her beautiful, sexy, etc. I understand how much it hurts. If I could go back I wouldn't read them, but like you, it's too late, we know what we know...
Any way, it doesn't have to mean anything in the long run. It just means in this moment he is having lots of contact with her. I found out recently with my H the increased contact in late spring was mostly arguments. So even though they talk a lot you don't know how much is positive...
Sorry so long winded. Just wanted you to know I am here for you!
I am sorry you got to see that. I am sorry for the pain you must feel. Stay strong, usually even if we know what is going on it really hits us when we get hard proof. It's just another bump. Don't lose focus, you fight for what you think is worth your efforts. Your family is. Love K
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
