Between the Devil and the Deep

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

So, H starts grilling burgers and hot dogs. I walked over to the grill and asked if he wanted to eat inside or out--H said out would be great since it was nice out and not too hot.

D16 and her friend and I carried the plates, sides, condiments etc. outside to the table and we all sat down to eat. It was a family dinner--teasing the kids, talking about things taht are going on, just generally a nice meal. The kids finished and wanted to go back in the pool, so we let them. D16 and friend and I were sitting at the table while H went to get an extra pack of cigarettes out if his car. Friend looked at me and said, "well that is wierd." I said "what?" She said--" He acts like nothing is wrong, that it is a regular family dinner! Is he clueless?!?" This girl and D16 have been friends for 6 years so she has spent plenty of time with us as a family.

H came back i nteh backyard and was playing with the kids--splashing them, throwing the splash balls at them, etc. the older girls got in the pool too, and I reached over the side and pulled friend's legs out from under her. The kids were roaring and H looked shocked that I had done it. In the meantime, I picked up a splash ball and threw it at D8. It skipped in the pool and flew out and hit H. The war was then on, with the two of us on opposite sides of the pool throwing the splash bombs at the kids and at each other. I was getting soaked--in a white t-shirt--and H's aim is pretty good, he kept hitting me in the upper body. At one point we ended up on the same side of the pool, and he started emptying out his pockets. He says ''Watch this!" pulls his shirt off and jumps into the pool. The little kids are ecstatic at that! Mommy was a little excited about the bare chest!!!

I didn't get in the pool with them, but instead played with them and the splash bombs for a bit more, and then I started clearing the table. When H saw me clearing the table, he climbed out and helped stack everything up for me to carry in--I told him I would carry it in the house since he was soaked.

H hung around until about 8. Helped round the kids out of the pool before he left. He was heading down to his parents' house to spend Sunday with them.

So, that was Saturday. I thought it was overall a good day.

I had to call H on Sunday, as he took D5's booster seat again and did not put it back in my car. Asked him if he could drop it off on his way back from parents' house. He said sure thing. I thought he would at least say hi, but he did not. Sometime between 9 and 11 he came by the house and put the seat in my car. When I talked to him on monday, he said that the lights were out in the family room so he thought we were all in bed already. I was upstairs in the dining room. Oh, well.

Will post on Monday, which was hysterical, in a bit.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Thanks K!

I am not sure if I am in control, but I have a sense of peace and calm that I cannot explain. I think it comes from knowing that my marraige WILL be restored. It is in God's plan and I just must have patience and wait for it to be His time to do so. He is in control and I am just on for the ride.

The biggest problem I am having is problems with the kids. Luckily they are acting out when H is here, too, so he is seeing it, as well. They still beg him to come home, cling to him, cry when he leaves. How does someone go from having unlimited access to four children he adores, to only having 60 hours a month and not look for more? The pain that the kids are suffering is almost too much for me to bear.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

wow. that is always a shock when someone takes their own life. What's even more sad is that these people usually fail to realize how selfish that act really is.

I am glad though that it was not your H. I know however that God has other plans for you and your H, and they are good plans. Plans that will glorify him.

ST

It was awful and I agree that suicide is an incredibly selfish, cowardly way to deal with a problem.

D16 was terrified when we first heard (immediately after it happened). Her oldest friend's dad committed suicide after he and his wife split up. The girls have literally been friends since the friend was born. They are 10 months apart in age. It was, for D16, like losing a family member. that same fall, my stepdad passed away too. D16 could not sleep all night. Even us telling her it was not dad, wrong dept, everything, she was still a mess.

Se did not want me to tell H, though, when he came over on Weds. She said he did not deserve to know we cared. SIGH She is still struggling with things so bad.

Thank you for the positive thoughts. I am feelig the same--that God has a plan and it will be revealed in His time and will lift Him up.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

((((((SMW))))),

I'm so sorry. I can imagine, how frightened you must have been the other night!

Thank you for your 2x4s today, much appreciated :).

Stella--your welcome for the 2x4s. If I did npt splinter them too bad, you may wantto hold onto them for when I need them. I am sure my time is coming, especially with the upcoming 3 week deployment and then the full cruise. I have to be honest, I struggle everyday about contacting the OW. I know it is counterproductive and serves no purpose that is not self-satisfying.

My cousin has a theory on the OW. Said that she feels that OW was just looking for a young piece of man to occupy her time and that H was perfect for it--married with kids, wife away, and he would be leaving in a few months for a new duty station. According to H, he had told her originally that he would not leave me and the kids. So, he would leave and she would find someone to replace him. Unfortunately, H got too involved and it blew up in his face. She thinks that the OW will be gone by the deployment, that it will be too easy for it to be brought to an end then. Who knows. Nice theory, though. What do you think?

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Alright, so I optd for bed last night, instead of posting about Monday! LOL

I had an almost empty house, though, and the quiet was nice. All the girls slept over a friend's house. Just me and S2, which was nice for a change. The girls are still not home and he is loving having Mommy all to himself.

He just begged to watch "Lightning Queen" so I have a break and can type while "Cars" is in the DVD player.

Monday, H showed up about 15 minutes early for visitation. He went right into the backyard, where the kids had been in the poll all day. He came in the house, said hi, put his swim trunks on, and jumped in the pool with the kids. After he got here, my niece's best friend showed up with my nephew in tow--they had spent the day at the beach. I told Mike to jump in the pool with his cousins, too. Niece's F and I sat talking at the picninc table and playing with my great-nephew, whom I babysit everyday.

About 5 minutes til 5pm, H climbs out of the pool and asked what I had planned for dinner. Told him I did not have anything planned, as I had plans to go out. He looked shocked. I told him thet there was really no leftovers, but he was welcome to check the freezer for something to cook. H said, oh, okay, and walked into the garage to check the freezer. N's F started giggling under her breath and I kicked her under the table. She asked where I was going and I told her I would tell her when there was no chance of being overheard. H comes back out and says "Well, I guess I could make them hot dogs." I said yes, but there were no buns. He goes back in the house and comes back out a few minutes later and dressed back in his clothes. He asked if I would be home for a few minutes. Told him yes, I would not be leaving until after 6. I thought he was running upstairs to cook, but apparently he ran to the store to get hot dog buns and tater tots.

While he was gone, I filled in N's F on what my plans were for the evening. My church has prayer meeting on Monday nights and I wanted to join the prayer group. However, I did not feel like letting H know what my plans were. She started laughing again, and I asked what was so funny. She said, "He is thinking you have a date and you are going to church to pray for his wayward a$$!!"

H went right upstairs to put the food on when he got back. While he was doing that, niece got here to pick up her son. She sat down and F filled her in on what was going on. Niece started laughing her butt off. We all chatted for about 20 minutes. H came back outside and told the kids they needed to get out of the pool, that dinner was almost ready. I told N and F to excuse me, that I needed to go get ready to go out.

I went upstairs to get dressed. I pulled an old pair of jeans out of the closet--ones I have not worn in about 5 years cause they got too small. I am thrilled to say that I am wearing them again and did not even have to lay on the bed to get them on!! I also wore the top I wore to my grandmother's memorial service--a pretty wrap top that has a v-neck. I have lost a few more pounds since then, and I now need to put a pin in the top to keep it a little less revealing. Of course, the pin did not go in until I was heading to church! (wink wink nudge nudge) I do my hair and make-up every morning anymore, so I only needed to touch them up.

I walked back downstairs and got compliments from niece, friend, and nephew. Matter of fact, Nephew was so cute about it. He is 10 and when he walked in he said "Wow, You look really pretty!!" Yeah, that kid can hang around more! LOL I chattedwith them a couple minutes and they leftr. I ran back upstairs to get my shoes andthe phone rang as I walked into the kitchen. It was my cousin calling about her court date next week. While I was talking to her, I was leaning on the kitchen counter and cought H taking peeks at me. When I hung up, he asked if I wanted to eat, that there was plenty. I told him "No, but thank you, I have plans this evening." He just said, oh okay, and went back in with the kids. I headed out back to sit at the picnic table and have a cigarette.

A few minutes later, H came out with the little kids in tow. We were all sitting at the table, H was talking about nothing in particular, and I was answering kind of noncomittal. I caught him staring a few times and he quickly looked away when I turned to look at him. This went on for about 15 minutes. I stood up, said I needed to go and asked the kids for kisses. As I opened the back door, H asked did I know what time I would be home, since he triesd to go to bed around 9, but he could stay. I told him that I did not know when I would be back, but that D16 would be home between 7 and 7:30, so he could leave when he needed to at 7:30 when his visitation was over. He said, oh okay, well then I will see you on Wednesday. I said, yes, I will see you then and left.

Again I am too long winded. I will finish in a bit or tonight. It is pretty funny and I have enjoyed the warm fuzzy about it all week.

SMW

[gForce]

I haven't posted here in a while, but have been keeping track. You sound like you are doing really well. A lot of contact with H lately, and H hanging around more than is necessary -- what's up with that?

[stella_k]

Hi ,SMW!

Sorry, I wasn't around to return the friendly 2x4s ! D17 has just returned from holiday and shooed me away from the comp.

My cousin has a theory on the OW. Said that she feels that OW was just looking for a young piece of man to occupy her time and that H was perfect for it--married with kids, wife away, and he would be leaving in a few months for a new duty station. According to H, he had told her originally that he would not leave me and the kids. So, he would leave and she would find someone to replace him. Unfortunately, H got too involved and it blew up in his face. She thinks that the OW will be gone by the deployment, that it will be too easy for it to be brought to an end then. Who knows. Nice theory, though. What do you think?

Well, it fits the theory that OW is just a bandage and doesn't matter much. PLS, (((((SMW))))), use the "stop" sign every time you feel the urge to give her a piece of your mind.

D17 needs the comp, again!
Talk to you later, ((((HuG))))

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Stella--

I am doing really well as far as the OW is concerned. I have only every contacted her one time--and that ended up beign the night that I asked H to leave. I have not contactedher since then and while I would like to give he a piece of my mind, I know that she is really not my problem. It is my husband's lack of faith in himself and inability to face challenges in his own life.

The biggest problem I am having is in trying to stay pleasant when I talk to my H and he is so cavalier about the little time that he spends with his children. He was off all day Thursday and never called to see if he could spend more time with the kids. When he called today, he asked to swap visitation from Monday to Tuesday. So, by then he will not have seen the kids since Wednesday night.

I use a rubber band on my wrist to keep my thoughts under control, but I did not have one on this morning when he called. Luckily, I did keep my mouth from kicking into high gear like I wanted to. I guess I am getting better at that stuff.

I should have since I managed to throw him for a loop this week during visitations.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

G--

He is not taking more than his scheduled visitation. He is lingering longer or showing up earlier. I am not sure what is up with it, but I know I have kind of got him wondering what is going on here lately.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

The rest of Monday's visitation----

I got back to the house a little after 9 (on purpose, since he "needs to be in bed by 9"). The only person in the house who knew where I had gone was D16. She said H left around 8:30 or so. Visitation is only supposed to be until 7:30.

The little kids were in bed, but D8 was still awake. I asked if she had a nice visit with her dad. She said it was alright but that he was very quiet after I left and did not have much to say. Said he asked her where I went and seemed surprised that she did not know. D8 is the informer and spy in our house. She ALWAYS knows everything, especially the stuff she is not supposed to.

I was looking for the house phone to make a phone call and could not find it. Asked her where it was. She said, "Oh, daddy had it outside." I said "He was making phone calls while he was here?" She said, "No, he was just looking at the caller ID." I started laughing hysterically on the inside. Thre are a bunch of new numbers in the caller ID with names H would not recognize. A bunch of D16's friends have recently gotten cell phones--in their Dad's names! LOL So, in the past 2 weeks, I have four or five men's names showing up frequently on my caller ID that were never there in the past.

So, that takes care of Monday.

AS for GAL, I also went out on Tuesday with my SIL. The two of us went shopping for a couple of hours at the big mall downtown. Then, that evening, Mom took myself and the kids out to dinner.

Wednesday was another fun day of visitation, and after Monday, I was bound and determined to make H stop and think again.

SMW