and sorry I didn't post yest. yes, you are right not to do the subway thing. but, if you do it later, then offer to drop it by. I would say don't ask him out. For the first time that is. I think he would appreciate your courtesy and it definitely wouldn't feel like pressure like asking him out to dinner would. although the way things are going, I think asking him out (with no expectations) in the next month might be a good idea. timing is everything though.
Alright, so the lunch thing is out. Maybe next week, though, as it is his last week at that base, before going to the ship. When I ask him to dinne,r should I make it a family thing for less pressure, or ask him to go with just me?
H's ship will be pulling out soon for three weeks, but will then be home until his full deployment a month or so later. I have maybe a total of 12 weeks of him being home over teh next few months in which to work on this, then he ill be gone for 7 months. I wanted some serious progress before he left--for a number of reasons.
The main one is that I will have this long separation where all communication will be via letters, email, or phone. While it used to be enough for us a few years ago, now I am worried it will not be and he will pull in and file as soon as he gets a chance, once he is home. I know i am borrowing trouble and need to getthese thoughts out of my head, but I feel like I am trying to beat time, and that is difficult.
Also, stupid as it sounds, is because we had talked about, pre-bonbi my flying over to meet him during one of their port visits. It would be the first time I would be able to do it and I was really looking forward to it!
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hey, I am so sorry to hear about your little one.
Thanks, She is doing amazing! I have bought Vitamin E to rub into her hand once the bandages come off. She already consumes high quantities of Vitamin C. Thanks for all of that information! I copied into a document and printed it so I have it.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
also, don't tell H that you don't blame him. Instead use the positive form. "H I wanted to tell you thank you for taking care of d5's accident so quickly, you handled that really well"
you know, instead of using negative words, change it around and use positive words. I'm sure you can come up with something better than mine too.
Actually, I guess I did handle that well. When they were looking at her hand in the ER, I made a comment to H about how thankful I was that he reacted as quickly as he did, minimizing the pain for her. The doctor validated it, saying that gettign the ice on it right away was a good reaction. H sat up a little straighter, like a weight was off his shoulders.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
He asked if it was okay to just hang out at the house, since we need to limit D5's activity level (YEAH RIGHT, like that is going to happen!). But he ASKED, right? He is seeing and recognizing you.
I was shocked when he did ask. I figured he would head out to my BIL's house so teh kids could see his parents. Apparently, my FIL did too, cause he mentioned it when I talked to him today.
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It was a companionable quiet, if you know what I mean. No tension, just more like I am here if you need to bounce anything off of me. It felt a lot like it used to, before the bomb. I sat back once and looked up and he smiled at me, then looked back at the kids playing. It was comfortable. What a great time. I would be walking on air. This all sounds VERY positive to me. Hold on to these moments the next time he treats you like crap. See what a little T&A can do?
I have been all day. It was a good day and you are right, I will hold it for the days when the aliens are back. As for the T & A, well no A, but the T definitely got his attention!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Just spoke to FIL on the phone and mentioned the fact that I felt like they were distancing themselves from the kids and I. He said absolutely not, but the gas prices make it way too much forthem to drive up as often as they used to. He also said he did not realize that the phone calls meant that much to me and said he would start checking in once a week again. He also invited the kids and I down to their house whenever we want, just call first to make sure the spare bedroom is not being used by my SIL and BIL. Asked him what if H was going to be there? He said, well you are still married, he would just need to deal with it, sleep on the sofa, or leave!
I will cover my IC in a few minutes--I need to grab something to eat.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Hey smw, I'm curious. You mentioned you think H would be more willing to work on M if OW was out of the picture. What is the status of H's R with her? It seems that even though H moved out only a little while ago, that he is spending a lot of time at home still. What does HE say the barriers are to reconciliation? Maybe these questions don't have answers right now, but he sure seems to be sending good karma your way.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Their's is a EA at this point, although it was a PA before he was relocated here. I do not know if he has seen her since he moved out of the house.
He says that he loves her, not me, never did love me but did not know it until he met her. All of the textbook BS that usually spews from the WAS when there is an OW involved. Always says it is not me, that I have been a great wife, that I deserve better.
Honestly, after IC today, I think that there are some underlying personal issues that H NEEDS to address. This is based on comments he made at MC about himself coupled with circumstances over the past year that I had not really looked at as part of the big picture. He has been up for the same advancement ofr the past five years in his career. Last year, we found out he did not get it the SAME day the movers were packing our stuff to go into storage because the kids and I were moving to our new duty station early. I think the advancement news, the kids and I being gone, and OW throwing herself at him (this has been confirmed by people who worked with her and things I found) all combined into him just taking advantage of someone willing to be there with him. She flattered him at a time when I could not be tehre to fill up his love bank the way he needed.
The OW is 10 years older than me, 14 years older than H. Honestly, the first time I saw her picture, I heard the theme music from Deliverance. My inlaws STILL have no idea of the age difference. My MIL had a problem with the 4 years difference between H and I. I cannot imagine that my MIL will be thrilled with her son dating a woman who is only 6 years younger than she is!
MY IC says the fact that he keeps submitting himself to MC is a good thing, especially the way the MC is laying into him. I keep holding out hope that she, and everyone else who says that, is right.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
W's OM is 5-10 years older than me. I'm 10 years older than W. So OM is nearly MIL's age. A fact that many people have pointed out to her. But she is blind.
I agree that his willingness to go to MC is a big plus. W still hasn't agreed to it with us. Though if we get serious about reconciliation, it will be a priority, and I think we should go to a Retrouvaille weekend some time this summer.
But it really seems like a perfect storm of circumstances for H and OW. You would think, though, that a convergence like that wouldn't result in any long-lasting emotional attachments. It is almost like he feels he HAS to keep it going, so that he won't look foolish. Same goes for telling you he never loved you - just trying to justify his questionable actions.
The OW is 10 years older than me, 14 years older than H. Honestly, the first time I saw her picture, I heard the theme music from Deliverance. Do you think they've ever done that banjo-duet thing together?
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
UGGGH I do not want to even think about what he has and has not done with her!
I have seen a picture of her and her two kids--D16 and S19. The only one of the three that even looked like a woman was her son.
I am hoping that the damn storm abates soon. I miss my H--I miss his snoring, I miss his shoes stinking up the house becasue he wore them without socks, I miss him singing corny new lyrics to the songs on the radio. As much as I would love to have him home before deployment, I have accepted that it will, in all likelihood, not happen. Hopefully, though, that separation will be the catalyst.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Yea, all kidding aside - the whole package, not just the polished shiny glittering parts. I miss it all. W spits out her toothpaste in a way I can't even describe. I have never ever seen anything like it in my life. It's so adorable!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
