gForce, it is hard. My head tells me to stop being friends with H, my heart thinks that feels so wrong. I try to find a balance in there somewhere. I would take H in my life as a friend, no questions asked. For the kids sake, and for myself. But it does knock me over with grief at times that I am no longer considered his wife in his eyes.
W and I didn't have children together, so post-D I really could sever all ties if I wanted. Some days I think staying friends would be too difficult, especially in terms of her next R. Other times I think it would be really nice, and I should accept any connection with her that is possible. In your case, it really seems that while H may say he doesn't see you as W any more, that with the R you do have -- there is still something there. It sounds like you are doing awesome dealing with it.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I've been grappling with my spouse not wanting me, who I am... don't even get me thinking about what we shared. Goodness I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. Come to think of it, that would be a little creepy.. so enjoy the virtual hugs!
So much grief and letting go. I seem to do it like shavings.. soap, chocolate, ice, wood.. whatever image fits best. The whole of it seems so overwhelming that I just shave wee slivers at a time.
What hits me most is the effect on the kids and how it will affect them. I know I sold my soul to keep the family intact. I guess learning and implementing excellent communication skills, setting boundaries.. oh shoot.. being healthy in mind, spirit and body.. would have been a better alternative. You just never know how far down you are until well cap blows.
As odd and as heartbreaking as it sounds, he seems to want to take care of you and the girls.
I'm babbling.. but want you to know lots of love, hugs, warm fuzzies, prayers and good thoughts are going your way.
The whole of it seems so overwhelming that I just shave wee slivers at a time.
Yes. I can only take it one bit at a time as well. I think that is why I have given this so much time. I feel awful for situations like yours, where you had no choice about the timetable.
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What hits me most is the effect on the kids and how it will affect them.
Oh yes. I know, boy do I know. It is really the only thing that can reduce me to tears if I give it a moments thought. Especially when I check on them, peacefully sleeping, so innocent...
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As odd and as heartbreaking as it sounds, he seems to want to take care of you and the girls.
Yes, I believe this now. It is odd and heartbreaking. But comforting at some level. Hard to explain. Need to find the balance between letting him help/be there and not letting my heart believe it means anything more.
Having him around as a father rather than a spouse is a learning curve, don't you think?
My mother was chiding me a few days ago, "Get over it already. I've accepted he's the father of my grandchildren and someone who's hurt you. Stop replaying things and get over it."
Huh?
The balancing act for me.. is as I teeter totter on the seesaw.. the reality of what is 'now' differs from what I wish. What I wish may never or may have been a reality at some point.
Either way, I can't change what he's doing. I find the balance between hope and reality, I can slide down either side, I can choose to hop off. One thing I do know, when you're the only one sitting on a seesaw, you're going nowhere fast.
lwb, The movie was fun. I missed you not "being there". As I told Karen it would have been more fun to be there with someone who knew a little bit about it. I know you were looking forward to it too. I'll be ready for another go in a couple days(if I have the extra money). Thinking of you. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Up super early today. H (Mr. Cycle) spent the night. I have no idea what time he got here, but he sure made a lot of noise getting ready for work. Slept on the couch, didn't wake me when he got here, and I didn't hear him (kinda scary, nice protector I am, ha!). He wanted to drive his bike to work so our house is now a parking garage. Funny, this doesn't bother me at all.
We had a storm last night and H texted me when he was out 'I hope your garden is ok this time'. It was, thank goodness. I didn't have it in me to replant yet again.
Girls have their first swimming lessons this morning, they are stoked. Since I am up, I made popovers for their breakfast. Hope they don't fall.
