Instead of concentrating on what you don't like about your marriage, take some time to concentrate on how you would like your marriage to be.
What do you want more of? What parts of being married fulfill you? Quality time showing each other we love each other by hugging and a few kisses. Doing hobbies together; fishing golfing vacations walks or a drive somewhere.
If you had the "ideal marriage", the "marriage of your dreams", what would be happening? We would share life's up and downs, share in decision making, spend quality time together, be a family together.
What would it look like? How would your life together be? Every one smiling, happy, joking. Showing more love , respect and being responsible to each other. Doing what makes us happy, being together and enjoying the fun things.
What would you be doing at this moment? Taking off work to be with H, something we would both want to do, enjoying life?
What would you be doing tomorrow? Going to work, get off early, making a wonderful meal, maybe go fishing.
What great things in life would you and your partner be sharing together? Being Grandparents, Traveling spending holidays together.
What is your idea of the "perfect relationship"?
Goal-Setting Rule #2 -
"Think Action"
You know what you want, now what can YOU do to make these things happen?
How can you take your desires, and make them into something that you can make happen?
What actions can you take to make your goals become a reality?
What can you do to not just sit back and "hope" that things happen?
What can you do to not just be a "spectator" when it comes to achieving your goals, but to be an active participant in seeing them accomplished?
What actions are you going to take to win the "gold medal" in this event?!? I've tried, I asked H to let me know if and when he wants to go golfing, nothing. I've asked him over for a meal, he came once. But he never lets me knoe when he can come. I have asked him over for 2 birthday parties, but I don't ask him to call back. I just say can you come and he says yes. Do I need to set a certain date instead of leaving it up to him? I just can't seem to get him motivated, should I make advances on him? Help! I'm lost.
Goal Setting Rule #3 -
"Think Small"
Are your goals too "lofty"?!Probably
Are you setting the bar so high that you may never be able to accomplish your goals? I don't know.
How could you break these goals down into smaller steps?Good question, but how?
How could you re-define your goals into something that you might be able to see results from in the next week or two?I'm confussed and need help.
How will you know tomorrow that you made some progress last week? He doesn't call me, so how will I know.
What things could happen for you today that would make you feel that you're better off than you were yesterday? H calls and says he is coming over. But that's not happening I know he has other plans, I'm getting fustrated here. I'm not seeing progress this week.
Do I need to set a certain date instead of leaving it up to him? I just can't seem to get him motivated, should I make advances on him?
Maybe so! It looks like just simply asking him, then dropping it isn't working. For example, let's say you want to make him going golfing with you a goal. What kinds of things could you do to help nudge that along? How could you lead him to get "motivated"?!
Did you ever golf as a foursome with anybody that he really enjoyed the time with? Or another group? Maybe you could set that up, tell him the time and the place, and invite him?
How equal are you at the game? Is he better than you? If so, would it be possible to let him know that you're going, and want to get a few tips from him?
Might it be possible to talk to him sometime about golf, and nothing else but that? Maybe go out golfing without him a time or two, and have some stories to share with him?
Think about some of these things, and see what other possibilities you might be able to come up with. From there, it might be easier to come up with some ways, some things that you can do, to help motivate him to get on the greens with you!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Thanks for the advice, I'll have to think on it. If you haven't got my e-mail you will. I had a bad afternoon with a friend. Guess I better stay away from her. That's 2 friends that have gotten me totally depressed Funny it took my middle D19 to cheer me,after I went into hystarics. She was the D that was with me when I found about about H A. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I posted a long time ago about one of my goals was getting H to go golfing!
Quote: Did you ever golf as a foursome with anybody that he really enjoyed the time with? Or another group? Maybe you could set that up, tell him the time and the place, and invite him?
And I hope that tomorrow this is a reality! Because guess what? I set it up last week and H couldn't go. We went without him and he knows it. So I set it up for this Sat. and guess what? He is going!
Now let's hope he doesn't chicken out! Finally a goal to be crossed off! Your advice worked! But I just had to wait until H was ready to go!
I'm glad you went last week, even if he couldn't go. I think this may have made a powerful statement, and seems that it might have been a part of what turned him around?
Either way, have a GREAT time!
P.S. Are you going to let him beat your score?
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
