Partner left after 9 years - 6 months on

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Perhaps, but how cool would it have been if he had contacted you first?

Let him prove himself to you.

[AliSuddenly]

Oh I know! I thought that too, if only I had waited 2 minutes, his text would have arrived first. But maybe its ok to reach out now and then? Like when I invited him to the cinema, that went ok? And whenever I ask him to the house, or for dinner. But tonight he asked ME for dinner and dinner out ! MMmm, curry.

Ali x

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...

Honestly?

You move very quickly. Not contacting him would be a 180 for you.

You were determined, right up until you decided to call. It went well for you this time.

If I could see the future I'd be a billionaire.

I think if you keep up the contact, if you don't stick to your guns about not calling him, then you're going to scare him away.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I'm with Jack on this one! This HAS to be on his terms, there is no other way. It's his issues that he has to get through. He is inching his way there, it seems, but on quick move on your part, and he'll scurry back into his hole, like a scared rabbit!

((((((Ali))))))

[transformer]

Ali,

I'm sorry you didn't get the article. I sent it to the email you emailed me from, the one for internet offers? If there is another email I should use maybe you could pass it to me through Jeff? I really want you to read this article...

so maybe its time to engage with him a little more and not make him do all the running??

Actually, I would interpret his behavior as "let him set the pace". Let him run away, baby step forward, sprint away, skip back to you, do a somersault in the opposite direction. Do you see what I'm saying?

I am looking forward to him going away Friday!!! I will get a rest from all of this, I'll be able to eat, sleep and get on with my college work for a week (final assesment the week after).

You can CHOOSE to take breaks from this even when he is still inside the country. It's up to you whether or not you are going to be exhausted by contact/waiting for contact. You can choose to eat, sleep, and get on with work even when he is still in the UK!!!!!!!

Are you still having trouble sleeping? I finally have been able to sleep just the past few weeks. I think I figured out how to switch my body back into "regular" mode. I didn't think it was possible since for the past 6 months it had been in "freak out" mode. Let me know... I have some tips for you if you need...

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS
T

[RefuseToLose]

Ali,

I got to say I'm w/ Jack and Jeff. Let him come back to you and you stay away from chasing. I know you are eager b/c things are going so well, but don't let this lure you into a false sense of security.

If it isn't on his terms, I'm guessing it is back to the rabbit hole.

RTL

[lea123]

Hi Ali

I agree with all the above posts regarding let him contact you. I think thats another thing I have done wrong in my sitch. My H is a very independent person who values his own time, so now he's gone, me texting/ringing him is probably driving him away further.

Oh and by the way, I'm Sagittarian and H is Aquarian.

Hope you're enjoying the sunshine!

Lea
xx

[AliSuddenly]

Hi everyone, thanks for the pep talks! So I didnt contact him, and he didnt contact me... so I'm a bit unsure what to make of that. Before, we were pretty much in daily contact for a couple of months, but then he started calling every day.. the he didnt contact me for 3 whole days on the weekend which did surprise me, even though he was just home by himself (guess he wanted to hang out alone, VERY unlike him)...and then he spends all afternoon with me and takes me out to dinner!

I feel a bit wierd about it all. I've had a good day, very busy at college, nice chat with my best mate, pottery tonight where I went on the wheel for the first time for a couple of years and made a pot! (bit wibbly wobbly).. so I havent had much chance to think about him.. but it IS disappointing that he is no longer emailing me as he was.

Makes me wonder if my friend was right, he just wants to be mates, you've made it easy for him to be friends, he thinks you're over him as you smile and chat and dont tell him you were crying just the day before over him! He was at a lose end, so thats why he wanted to hang out, as he enjoys your company, but you are coming at it from two very different places.. your agenda is to get back with him, his is to just stay friends with an ex and maybe appease a bit of his guilt...

well, that was the crux of what she said. I didnt feel she has it quite right, but on the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about him continuing to be so separate (I'm ram,bling now). Something Kalni said, about waiting long enough and whats the big decision all about, why cant we work on it together and I dont know, it struck a chord. It WAS great to see him yesterday, but that boundary was still firmly there, he didnt seem to "notice" me, seemed eyes were elsewhere, he checked his phone alot in front of me (apologised for being rude, but his focus wasnt enrirely on me therefore), he never flirts, compliments me, takes my hand or even kisses my cheek. Theres nothing to suggest he still fancies me, neverlone harbouring secret feelings that he just isnt ready to "go there" with yet.

Trying to give a balanced view, we DID get on great, as though we had never split up, he did take me out to dinner and gave me a big hug goodbye.. but then, silence. And hes away for a week from Friday (Thursday night?)
Captain ramble !
Ali xxx

[MichelleLT]

1. If he can't get past some of his guilt, he won't ever be comfortable pursuing a romantic R with you, so I don't see a problem with that actually.

2-99. You GOT ON GREAT and he bought you dinner and gave you a huge hug.

[Kalni]

Ali,

think of the nice evening you had together. Focus on that and just let some days pass quietly. See, when you are busy, your mind stays on track easier. Keep yourself busy as much as possible. Put all this energy of your mind in your sculptures, I bet you you 'll be creating unique staff...

Numb yourself out, try it for a couple of days...