Now you get to show that THAT aspect of the old person has changed as well.
You know how insane your insecurity sounds because you said so yourself.
There is no healthy couple on the face of the earth that spends every blessed minute together.
Healthy is EVERY aspect of your life in tune and working the way it should.
This is a SIGN to you, FROM HER. It tells you that she is feeling some security. Enough security to risk asking for something that in the past would have brought recrimination from you.
So...
You're up to the plate and the pitcher just fired off a curve ball. You going to whiff out of impatience, or are you going to keep your weight back and send that curve ball out of the park?
If you're half the man I've come to believe you are, I know that you'll be circling the bases with the crowd cheering.
Blessings,
Bill
She texted me a little while ago to say what's up.....
Also, this is not the only time she has been away from me in the last couple of months. We ARE spending way too much time up each other's you know what, but she has been away over night with girlfriends, out here and there with friends and family, etc.
I have shown her several times that I am not going to put her through the same old crap she dealt with before at these times.....and when she is out, testing the waters or what ever you want to call it....she is normally the one to initiate some form of contact...text or a quick call to say..What's up??
So I know she is thinking about me....in a better way than she would have 6 months or a year ago.
Hmmmm....I was just looking through my old text messages and clearing things out, and realized that my wife made, for dinner last night, the one thing that I had suggested when we were texting yesterday...I had forgotten about it.
I was thinking no way was she going to go through all that trouble, as late as it would be and with everything else she had to do, but I made the suggestion anyway.
Oh, it was probably just something she really wanted. That's why she went through all that trouble.
She wouldn't have done it just because she knew I wanted it....right???...LOL
Yes...and brought some with me for lunch at work today....AND sent her a phone pic' of her "amazing ******* " on my desk...LOL...too much??..lol
Feeling a little weird for some reason today, Bill. My intuition tells me something is going to happen.....good or bad, I don't know, but my intuition is usually keyed into bad things so I have had a nervous stomach all day....weird.
We are going to friends this evening, and I think she may be a little nervous about us being together there. They know a little about what's going on with us and I am wondering how she is going to act around me, or expects me to act.
Thinking too much, I suppose. Plan on having good time with my wife, regardless....
Be a man who is in love with his wife, and who is going to dinner at their friends house.
You know, we learn that ignoring problems and hoping that they will go away is a bad idea. Our parents and life in general teach us as much.
But DB'ing is counter intuitive.
There is this issue between you and your wife. Your efforts to this point have been motivated by a desire to make that issue go away. And ironically, the changes in YOU make it possible that, for the time being at least, you may well be able to ignore this issue and in the process see it slowly slip away.
Don't misunderstand me. At some point, the decision she made will have to be revisited explicitly by the two of you. She will drive this revisiting at a time when she is ready to open the subject up for discussion. For your part, the longer she puts it off, the better I think that is for a good outcome.
Oh and don't worry. I don't think your wife is the type of woman to choose dinner with friends as the place to open this subject up for discussion.
So...back to my original statement.
Go to dinner with your wife as the man who loves her.
And enjoy your evening.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
You know, we learn that ignoring problems and hoping that they will go away is a bad idea. Our parents and life in general teach us as much.
But DB'ing is counter intuitive.
There is this issue between you and your wife. Your efforts to this point have been motivated by a desire to make that issue go away. And ironically, the changes in YOU make it possible that, for the time being at least, you may well be able to ignore this issue and in the process see it slowly slip away.
Don't misunderstand me. At some point, the decision she made will have to be revisited explicitly by the two of you. She will drive this revisiting at a time when she is ready to open the subject up for discussion. For your part, the longer she puts it off, the better I think that is for a good outcome.
As you have seen, I am not one who is very good at ignoring a problem. This process has helped me tremendously in learning to control my obsessiveness. Yes the control issue comes out here in my words that I type, but never have I been able, in the real world, to be so comfortable with not being able to directly confront someone who I have an issue with, be it my wife or someone else.
I have never thought about this situation as something to be "ignored" but the way you put that it makes sense. It is not an infected cut, a leaky roof or a physical issue that needs immediate attention....it is an emotional ailment that just may be able to heal a little on it's own until she decides that we can "cure" it completely...together.
Go to dinner with your wife as the man who loves her.
And enjoy your evening.
Bill
I forgot to even mention the barbecue last night...we had a great night. I had planned to try and give her some space, let her hang out with the girls and relax, have some fun. She ended up by my side most times, popping up to give me a kiss or a hug....being very affectionate the whole evening. If I was standing around and she was sitting, she would call me over to be by her. Once she suggested we "sneak off" for a little rendezvous while no one was paying attention...silly stuff.
It felt good to be around other people and have her act like my partner, like she still cares about me.
It felt good to be around other people and have her act like my partner, like she still cares about me.
The thing that stands out to me every time I read about one of your evenings or activities is that your wife must feel like she has died and gone to heaven.
I swear I can actually FEEL her joy in the way you describe your interactions together.
Please remember that twice before this woman told you she was done, yet listened to your appeals for another chance. She LISTENED to your VERBAL appeals.
I think it's safe to say that THIS TIME, a verbal appeal was not going to work. So you've done the very thing that needed to be done all along. You looked inside and realized two things.
One, you have not been the man/husband that your wife deserved.
Two, you love this woman enough to become that man.
The things you share about your wife - these are not the actions of a woman who is intent upon moving on without you. And I say this with just a twinge of fear because if you ever begin thinking that you've won her back again, you may be tempted to slip back into the old NDS.
You can never let that happen again.
The positive here is that I think you are beginning to see that it was NOT just the nightly partying together that made things good between you. You are now seeing positives in other areas as well - working around the house, visiting with friends, etc.
Let US here be your positive encouragement about the future of your relationship until your wife is ready to place her trust in you again. I sincerely believe it WILL happen.
Right now she is loving your life together. She is completely caught up in reveling in the love you are showing to each other. Don't be distressed if she avoids verbally giving you the thumbs up on the future. Her actions speak FAR louder than any words would at this point anyway.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
"Let US here be your positive encouragement about the future of your relationship until your wife is ready to place her trust in you again. I sincerely believe it WILL happen".
I came here this morning, as always, BECAUSE I needed some positive encouragement today...again...and I have a few things to say, but first let me tell you;
If I had not found this site and all of you, I believe I would have been done already. As you have learned, patience is not my strength and I think I would have eventually given in to the temptation of pressuring her, or given her an ultimatum of some sort, I am sure of that. I would have forced her farther away than she already was.
