How many of us have family and friends that are "pro-marriage", and that can give us the same kind of support that we get from the folks on this board?
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quoting Jamesjohn: Are some of the people "nearest and dearest" to you part of the problem?" Yes
What happens when you share your unhappiness with your loved ones? Do they support you with no question? Do they take your side no matter what?" I end up wishing that i had keep it to my self. Some do not take my side. Some do.
Do they listen to you objectively, without taking sides, and just try to ease your pain? I have one friend that does. Some only take their side, what they think I should do.
Do you ever set them up to take sides? Yes, I try not to do that anymore. I want them to support me by encourageing me to save my marriage.
Do they ever hit you with a "2x4" to try to slap you back into reality when they don't agree with you? If they do, how do you react to them? I have a couple of friends that hit me with a 2x4. I cry. And distance myself from them after that.
What kind of "damage control" are you going to have to do when/if you and your partner get back together?" Are you talking about the friends and relatives? I will just tell them that we have decided to save your marriage and they either have to except it. Or I am moving on without them. I will not let friends and family come between us again. Any advice?
It's really tough to find someone to support you through this without them being judgemental. It sounds like you have one friend that does, which is great. Also, you have thousands of friends here to listen to you, and help you along the way!!
It's really hard to predict what a person would do until they are actually in this situation. Many of the people who may tell you to cut your losses and run might see a different side of the story of they were in your shoes.
Keep in mind that a lot of these people really are "well-meaning", and hate to see you go through the pain. You don't have to avoid these people, maybe just avoid talking to them about your R. Like you said, you can just thank them for their input, and tell them that you have decided to work on saving your marriage, plain and simple. That if they would really like to help, maybe they can invite you to dinner, watch the kids, mow your lawn, paint your house, etc. Nine times out of ten, that will send them running!! If not, you'll start to be able to see who your true friends are.
I say to keep working on your M, and get your support from the people who can understand your determination. Who knows, you may one day be an inspiration to those same people if they ever find themselves in the same situation!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Wow! I'm printing your post! I'm inspired! I've done a lot of posting hope I hear more of your input Yes,I hope to be in the place where I can help others here. It must be a wonderful feeling seeing those you help, make it to the success stories! I want to be one of them. It is my goal. Thanks, Deb
Well, I need support right now. I made a mistake and went to see a friend this afternoon. My afternoon was a nightmare! Went to visit with an old friend. One thing I found out is that H OW is hated in the deer hunting place. All the guys want to kill her. I think they are working on getting her as. kicked out during deer hunting season. And H will be banded from fishing in a pond if he trys to take OW there. She is unwanted!NO one I have talked to likes her, hate is closer to it. But, the friend of mine tried to pound it into me to move on, not stay with H. I ended up crying my head off and I'm in the deepest depression ever, maybe I'm wrong; no hope, bleak. I'm tired of hearing that life can be better, I was even told to move far away. That H made his choice a long time ago;OW. I don't know what I want at this minute. Maybe H is being nice to get what he wants...just like she said. She said he deserves what he gets. That he is not the same man I loved and that I should think of that paerson as dead. Maybe this DB and DR is a bunch of bull. That we should all move on. Guess I made a mistake; I should of stayed home! My heart is in my stomach and i feel pretty hopeless, I don't want to move on unless H comes out and says he never wants to make M work. What's the use, that's probably why I didn't want to tell H that I wanted our M to work, I knew that when he answered it whould be the end forever. So right now I will wallow in my misery. When there is no hope, there is no reason for living a happy life.
Sounds pretty down, yes it is, this friend was not encouraging at all. Move on, move out. I need someone to tell me to try and save this M. I'm falling down the black hole of he.. Please send a floaty, a rope. Better yet, I'd like someone to send me the dreams of a brighter future that I just left behind and will probably never have. Help! I'm falling...
Remember what YOU want, not what your well meaning friends and family "think" is best. If you believe what is best for you is your H...then fight the good fight. Don't listen to the opinions of others. THEY have NO IDEA what you are going through. I believe NO ONE has the right to push their opinions on you since they don't know the feelings in you.
There will be a day when things are all rosey. There will be days when they aren't. On the bad days we have to remember that God is with us. Prayer will definately help you.
Keep your chin up. And fight for what you believe! WE ARE ALL HERE supporting you and your decisions - whatever they may be.
What about these well meaning friends who medel into your affiars and create more trouble, Can you take legal action cuz they create more trouble then they are worth?
I made the mistake of "bleeding emotionally" to a lot of my friends and most of my family. Some have been supportive of me wanting to save M but most are telling me to move on and find someone new.
Unfortunatley W now feels that I've "poisoned" these people against her. This may be another road block in our recovery. Even though my family have all said that they want us to get back together - I can't help to feel that they will be harboring some ill will toward W if we ever do reconcile.
I think that what really gets to the W about all of this is that for all of our 16yrs of marriage I've always said our problems were our problems- they stay under our roof and we fix them. It's no one else's business what our business is. But when she dropped the bomb on me I was reeling so hard the I "bled" all over the place and tried to find emotional support from friends and family. I realize now - although maybe too late- that I shouldn't have done that. I should have tried to carry the burden a little better and weathered the storm the best I could by myself and use the counselor to vent. I can't take back what I've done or said to these people and I'll have to live with that.I just hope that one day W will forgive me for airing our dirty laundry and allow me back in her life.
Yes,I hope to be in the place where I can help others here. It must be a wonderful feeling seeing those you help, make it to the success stories! I want to be one of them. It is my goal. 
