1. Have fun and interesting conversations without talking about us, family, etc. - This is working very well right now.
2. For her to start sleeping in the bedroom with me again.
3. For us to increase physical contact. We have been touching more and more over the past weeks and I want that to continue. I have started giving her a kiss on the head at night when I go to bed.
As these are completed, I eventually want her to put her ring back on, and then work on peicing. At some point in the distant future, I want to be able to talk with her about R to set goals together for the future. I know this will take a lot of time...
I have set my affection as this. I am still not calling, texting or emailing right now. I only show affection in the morning and before bed. (good morning and good night) I want her to feel like I am giving her space but at the same time show some affection at those good moments. If she is willing, I am sure ready! I am basically taking what she gives and not expecting much. Its like we are dating again, I try some things and she lets me do what she is willing to.
If she does come back to bed, my plan is to sleep on the opposite side and not touch her for the first week or so. We always used to cuddle and she could not sleep without touching me. We will have to build back up to that.
If you think I am off line with any of this, please tell me!
Ask yourself when making goals "what do you want more of in your relationship." Now having stole that from another post...I can safely say that I am far from giving goal advice but I can ask the following...
regarding #2) What would it take before that happens? #1 - fun and interesting can be vague...what do you mean by this? You say it is working so what is it about the conversations that is working? I feel like I know what you mean but I was asked the same question when I said I want meaningful conversations with my WAW. It is vague. Be specific.
#3 increase physical contact - vague, you are touching, so what do you want. perhaps increased or maybe her to initiate a kiss or something. I think physical contact is vague. If you are touching that is physical contact. So, I think you need to be more specific and I am not talking bedroom...I had this goal once, but changed it b/c I think a lot more needs to happen first, but I specifically said things like hold hands...
I am not good a goals, so as a suggestion, you might want to notify a moderator - you can do this by clicking notify on your post and leaving them a message and why. They can give you some help...way more than I can.
You do want action oriented and positive and I would wonder if changing "for us" to "for her". Your subject in each one changes, #1 is nobody but implied you two, #2 is her and #3 is specific "us". I imagine it'd be helpful to state those as either her or you.
You mention a good bit after your goals...I'd put all those on the shelve. Pick two or three goals - refine them. Then set your sights on JUST THOSE. If need be make a list of ways to achieve those goals. I have a long list like for example - talk less, listen more, avoid awkward topics, blah blah. By doing that you set your sights on just the most important things. Obviously my goal is to get home, but a lot needs to happen before. So that is not one of my three goals. I hope that helps clarify what I mean.
Have you tried a DB coach session? I imagine they could give you tremendous insight/advice on your sitch. Pricey, I know, but it's worth it...
p.s. I notified moderator to look at your goals and assist you. I just feel they would point you clearer.
I am not the best at goals either, as you can tell.
#1) What I mean is just to have non relationship talks about life. The great thing is, we have been doing that a lot lately. Just her talking to me about what is important to her. We used to be best friends and I think we are getting back to that....
#2) She has to get confortable with me again and get rid of some of her anger and resentment. Update at the bottom....
3) That is vague... We do have physical contact quite a bit. The ultimate goal is kissing, but I think holding hands would be a good start.
UPDATE: Well, last week my W got the chance to talk and let some things out with a 3rd party. This is something I thought she needed, but she would not do. Since that time, I have noticed a big difference. She seems to be trying to open up some. We had a GREAT weekend together. We talked, we danced, and she even talked about the future again. She even slept in the bed again on night. I am so excited, but I am trying not to show it around her.
Last night, she slept on the couch again, but I think that will take time to stick. I have offered a kiss each night before bed and she accepts it on the forehead. I am of course hoping for a real kiss soon, but I am taking what I can get. No I love you, no kisses yet, but I can see her wanting to try more. I am just sitting back and letting it happen. I think she can see that I am not pushing even when she gives a little, so its making it easier for her.
It has been very hard to not be excited! When she left this morning I wanted a kiss, but she didn't open up to it, so I just told her bye. It bothered me a little, but we have made so many steps this weekend... I am very happy with what I am seeing. Maybe tonight she will open up a little more. She wants to start walking at night and wants me to join her!!!!
Good things happening in my world. Just hoping the backslide is not too bad....
No, but I fear that she will give some and then pull back. That is not a fun thing at all. Its like me seeing those good things and then having the bad come back....
I am trying. So far so good....
Thank you so much! I hope we continue to get better.
Mine too. She is still not convinced... Things are better, but she is still not ready to work on it yet. We are getting a long great, but there is still doubt in her mind. Time is on my side I think.....
hang your hat on that...Be happy with all you get to do with her. Forget about all that other, especially reading her doubtful mind... BTW, time is with us all, use it wisely...
