I went through stages... I tried to be there for her and ended up coming off smothering and all that. So for the last several weeks I have kept my distance and tried not to ask any questions of her and just stay out of her way. While, for the most part, that has made things better, this weekend was horrible. She was so mean and hateful. I am better now, but it was really bad. I know down deep that its worth it, but that doubt is creeping in.
Thanks for the support. I am trying! I am just tired of the constant depression and crap. Its hard to GAL when she is still right there, rubbing it in my face all the time. I think that she is trying to hurt me because she has been hurt. I don't know. Still working!!!!!!
That is what I am struggling with. I know that in my mind, but my heart has other ideas! I don't have to tell you how hard it is, but beeing close to her and not being able to be close to her is killing me.
The big problem is that many times in the past I have taken her for granted and not given her the attention that she needs. Now that I understand that and have changed my priorities, giving her space seems like going back to the old me. I don't like the old me!
Thank you for the continued help, jmw128. I appreciate all your input!
I know that in my mind, but my heart has other ideas! I don't have to tell you how hard it is, but beeing close to her and not being able to be close to her is killing me.
I understand...but you should take that as a positive. I don't get to be near my WAW. I get to talk with her little. Build from where you are. Don't focus on what you want. Give her what she needs. Show her your 180's. I understand your big problem paragraph. But you can still show your 180's... I didn't like the old me either. Give time for yourself and her while being consistent and patient. You can do it.
Being consistent is pretty easy, because the changes are permanent. I have really come around to what is important. Its the patience that I have trouble with, but I am doing better. The last few days have been really good. I am hoping the steps keep coming. I am not expecting much, I have two goals that I am hoping in the next two weeks to achieve and then I will go from there.
I think things are slowly changing for the better. Thanks for asking. Patience is hard...but you must adhere to your goals and for me the subgoals that allow you to attain your goals. Like for me no unnecessary calling or something like that...sometimes it is really really hard when you get in a funk, but you have to lean somewhere else. Don't ruin your efforts by backsliding around them.
Consistency, patience, and time...it's worth it...you know it is.
I have just been trying to give her space and not bug her about who she's texting or where she's going or whatever. I do pretty well with that. I have continued to have an interest in her as far as her work and that kind of thing. The problem is I am not sure if just doing the 180's in this area is good enough or if I should be doing the last restort. For a couple weeks I pretty much backed off completely and have now started easing back in showing a little affection when the time feels right. If it doesn't, then I back off. (if it doesn't work, etc) Is that the right approach?
We had an old friend in this last week and she and W talked a lot. She seemed to think that I was going to be ok, that W still loved me but was guarding her heart and was mad at me right now. She said that I had to be patient, but as long as I stayed consistent with my attitude toward my W, she felt it would be ok. That was good news coming from her!!
The thing is, It's like I can see her letting her guard down sometimes and then before you know it, she is back to keeping me at a distance. That is a good sign I know, but its just so hard to see that and not be able to act on it. I have some goals set for the next two weeks. I just can't screw this up!!!
be patient, but as long as I stayed consistent with my attitude toward my W, she felt it would be ok.
that's what we said yesterday or day before...be patient and consistent. it's going to take time. No rush. In contrast to the rest of your life, this brief period to give to your WAW is nothing.
Your right and I know I keep repeating myself, but it really helps to come on here and do that for some reason. I need that release and support I guess.
jmw128, thanks for all the help and input. I hope I can repay the same sometime...
Anytime...feel free to input all your want on my current or solution journal threads.
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goals set for the next two weeks.
you've said this a number of times. You haven't said what they are. And I wonder if in two weeks are those goals done and you have different ones. I am trying to be positive but unsure what you are thinking when you say goals. Just want you to consider that and above all Be consistent. Hate to be a repeating mess but you have to be consistent, otherwise you send different messages...my goals are goals that I would want to continue and then to enhance...are yours?
You have such a great opportunity to show your 180's b/c of not being separated. You must be consistent with them. I do think you need to be careful showing affection. Be careful, you'd don't want to send pursuing messages...let her take the lead, you follow. I am not talking about any bedroom type issues...just be consistent and patient. I know it is hard, but it could be worse.
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but it really helps to come on here and do that...
I know how you feel. I believe that's why they say writing a journal is therapeutic. It does help collect your thoughts. And the bonus is that you get to vent/grief/share joy here and not blunder, backslide, etc. with the WA.
