Partner left after 9 years - 4 months on

[Virtually_Handsome]

Fantastic!!! Thankyou Jeff, that made me laugh !! You are a sweetie. We've all said it, over and over again...your W is a nutcase!!! (no offence).

(((((Ali)))))

Thanks! You know, in a way, I guess she is a nutcase. Though I'm sure that I contributed to that, at least to some degree. This has me thinking, but not feeling like writing. I might post later, on my thread, if I can sort out what's running through my brain.

[Maya44]

Ali, Happy Bday! I hope BF's appointment with his doc goes well and he tells him what's honestly going on in his life. That's the only way to get real help with any issues.

[RefuseToLose]

Ali...

Listen to yourself here:

I am worried that he is stuck and we are going to miss our "moment"

You won't miss your "moment" because none of us can plan for our particular "moments" to occur. You are trying to manipulate the situation and you know you can't do that.

You can't force anything, so in reality, there is NO MOMENT TO BE MISSED! The only thing that may be "missed" is the moment you want to happen.

Don't stress over this. If this "moment" passes by, that just means it wasn't the right "moment" for you two. Your time will come only when it is supposed to come and not a second sooner, my dear.

Keep going strong, don't worry and continue to enjoy your birthday.
RTL

[MichelleLT]

You are making progress day by day to reestablishing a friendship, if anything you are making moments, not missing them. Patience! (((Ali)))

[Purr]

Hi Ali,

I am thrilled that you had such a great birthday. You sure deserve to have a day that honours your specialness and that feels warm and comforting, given the ups and downs that have been unfolding in your life.

I am thinking of you and wish you peace and strength of heart in this next year.

(((Ali)))

Purr

[Essie]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALI! Glad you've had a special day xx

[Essie]

Question: If you were going to give up on DB-ing what would you do that is different? (not sure that make sense?!? - What would the difference look like between DB-ing and not DB-ing?) What would the difference be to you, a casual observer, your BF, or a close friend?

[AliSuddenly]

I wouldnt be seeing my boyfriend very much anymore, I probably wouldnt check my emails day to day, although I have to for lots of other reasons, but I wouldnt be curious if he had emailed. I wouldnt be talking to my friends on the phone about the fact he emailed and said he had gone to the doctors. Other than that, my life wouldnt change much...I'd carry on at college, I'd keep doing all my wierd part-time jobs, I'd go see my best mate in Newcastle (planning to when she is free), I'd carry on trying (trying!) to make friends here and going back home occassionally to see old friends. I'd go to pottery, pilates and maybe guitar lessons again.

Eventually I guess, I may meet someone, but I'd be very cautious about that, after being so badly hurt. But I would probably still be in counselling anyway, adressing my "tough love" mother issues and co-dependent parent crap. And I'd be worrying about never having children when we had the chance 2 years ago.

So really...I dont think it would be much different, except I wouldnt be thinking about him and I wouldnt be in love with him anymore. I'd be "over" it. So the biggest difference would be if I werent DBing...I wouldnt worry how I spoke/dealt with him. I would be myself. If I was cross he hadnt bothered to sort out the remortgage yet, as he hasnt, I would tell him and offer to do it myself. I wouldnt worry that I should be patient and careful to not "pressure" him. If he emailed me, I wouldnt think twice about replying and saying "How you doing? Want to meet up for a drink?", because I wouldnt be waiting anymore for some sign from him that he may change his mind. I wouldnt worry how my words or actions affected him. I wouldnt be acting "as if". I wouldnt be always thinking to listen and validate. I'd just be my old self, regardless of the consequences.

For me..its about my communications with my BF, and the other stuff (GALing, PMA etc) is about getting back to my old self, the happy-go-lucky Ali, before this traumatic thing happened to me.

But that day feels some way off right now!

Ali xxx

[AliSuddenly]

Blimey...

am shaking, feel sick. I am amazed, upset, glad, relieved and worried sick in equal measure. I just got an email from my BF about the doctors, he implies I think that he was feeling suicidal, he doesnt say things lightly. Even so, he is finally admitting what indeed I have known for several years - hes depressed. I have to respond and I am agonosing over what to say. I'm trying to DB my response, but maybe that should all go out of the window right now. I have to tell him I am here for him?


Hi al,

Hope you had a nice evening last night. Sorry I didn't call, I just
feel flattened I'm so tired. I went to the doctors yesterday, not for
the first time, basically necause I feel so flat and low. Probably felt
that way for years as you know but its been real bad for a while so knew
I had to do something about it. Anyway, I finally given in and got some
anti-depressants, I just got so low that I needed something to help cos
I dodn't know where it was going to end. I'm supposed ot be having
counselling too but I think theres a bit of a wait for that. So I guess
I'll just have to see if the pills work a bit. I should've talked to
you in the car about it but I just don't feel like talking much at the
moment - when I do it's a bit of an effort.

Sorry this is all about me, didn't think it was right to go on about
yesterday. It's a shame yoko was ill, but I hope you had a nice evening
anyway - did you do anything?

me


I feel so emotional right now. I want to give him a big hug and make it all alright and of course I cant and thats not the answer anyway.

Ali

[inmyplace]

Ali,

You said it perfectly...

"I'm here for you."

Nothing else need be said.

IMP