Thanks everyone...yes it is my birthday and I need to get out and GAL more from now on!! But...I was taken aback, that he remembered my birthday and I was also shocked at the events this weekend, as you all know I predicted a while back there would be a change, or news. In fact, last December I spoke to an astrologer and we agreed nothing would change until Uranus went over my Sun on 9th March. So I was shocked that that came true! I had high hopes we would be talking about getting back together by that date, but at least I know he is still considering that.
I saw this on your thread Kalni and I couldnt agree more, its how I feel:
Quote:
I am guilty because I had a very good man I've been in love with, for the last 11-12 years and I pushed him away. I should have been smarter. I am just now starting to come to terms with the fact that I can't change the past and that maybe this was my ONLY chance to get myself in shape and get ready for the future (with or without him).
I've known my BF 12 years and it was love at first sight for him but I also accept that I pushed him away (and how he handled it was down to his own emotional issues), I too should have been smarter. Its been hard to swallow that stuff but the terrible feeling of regret is less now, I am just grateful for what hes taught me and hope I dont repeat those R mistakes.
And Jeff...I wsa so worried that I have scared him to death and I wasnt planning on mentioning it at all. But I do wonder how to proceed now..and Kalni you say just let him lead? I guess theres nothing more I can do. He's still clearly scared (like yuor H) and reluctant to jump, the indecision is killing him I see that now. Thats why he cant sleep and gets drunk alot. He talked about not knowing whether to sell his Dads house or not and he muttered "I am having trouble making decisions at the moment" and I knew he meant the decisions about me also.
But I guess all I can do is keep DBing? But I sense he is very stuck, a frightened mouse who doesnt know which way to bolt. I wondered if I couldnt say something or do something to galvanise him. I feel he needs reassurance that I dont have high expectations (his friend piled loads of guilt on him about not hurting me again)..that it would be ok to simply talk and not get back together and I dont even expect him to move back in. But I dont know how I could make him see this. Or the alternative is, I pull back a little, make myself less available, but maybe thats dangerous.
Anyway...its my birthday!!! I have had calls and presents already which takes the sting out of waking up alone. Its a terrible storm here, lashing rain and tremendous gales.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I say you let him take the lead, just make sure he leads you to the right place (...in bed)(LOL!!).
I don't know what to say. Once they get their foot out of the door, it sure is difficult for them to walk back in. So, I suppose you keep reminding your better you and let him do the walk...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have a wonderful day today- eat lots of cake!!
I agree with K. leet him oake the lead. Be there as a best and trusted friend and reassure him in that way. No sudden moves or the mouse will crawl back into his house!!
I'm so happy to hear of the positives that are going on w/ your BF. He is seriously beginning to reconsider his decision to leave, so keep taking care of yourself and let him make the decision to continue to come back to you.
He took a huge step by remembering your birthday. Don't worry about your "backslide" b/c you were caught off guard. I'd look at it as a positive b/c it means you've lowered your expectations for your BF. That is good. Lowering your expectations means you'll see EVERYTHING he does for you as a gift. If you have expectations, then you'll end up being disappointed b/c what he does do won't measure up.
Keep going on. Keep the expectations out of things and keep DBing for you and your well-being. It is true we can gauge our effectiveness in our DBing by the reactions we are getting from our partners, but we can't DB for anyone other than us.
We will make ourselves healthy, but ultimately it is up to our partners to choose to look at what we've done and how far we've come.
Thankyou everyone!!! Had lots of lovely messages and cards today, quite a difference to last year. My BF leaving has meant that I really have reconnected with my old friends..reasons to be grateful !
Yes about last night.. I thought that too! He said to me as I was all emotional "its only a CD!" so it must have been clear to him that my expectations are at zero.
Today I've been out for lunch with friends from college, which was a good laugh. Its very stormy here and blowing a hooligan! So I didnt wear the dress (its another black and white, shortish dress, flows nicely and this one fits!) as the weather was bad last night too. I got an email from my BF today asking how my day was and did I have plans tonight? I wrote alot of positive chatty stuff back and told him I was supposed to have dinner with friends tonight, but she has tonsilitis so cant now. Then he emailed back to say the following...which is interesting? I wonder if he is going to be honest with the doctor about how bad he is feeling and whether he is inviting me to ask whats wrong??
hiya,
glad they took you out to lunch - thought they would do. I feel absolutely knackered today, really terrible actually. Going to docs in a bit but may try calling after. Shame about yoko being ill too. Sorry such a quick email - running out of time. Glad you like the cd though.
me
Hmm..may try calling later..giving him 2 get out clauses there! His doctors is 5 minutes from here. He would be finished by now, but no word from him. Wonder if he was honest with the doctor about not sleeping and drinking so much all the time and how low he feels? He never goes to the doctors unless he absolutely has to.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Interesting about the e-mail. I hope he feels better soon. It almost sounded like he was either feeling you out about your plans, or even seeing if you'd be interested in doing something.....maybe I'm reading too much into it!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Fantastic!!! Thankyou Jeff, that made me laugh !! You are a sweetie. We've all said it, over and over again...your W is a nutcase!!! (no offence).
Good point - he is running himself into the ground. He got drunk 4 nights in a row. At the stag do, he said his brother counted up the pints they had but lost track in the evening, so in the day he had 17 !!! And he said he had more than his brother. This is really worrying. For years he would go out and have a fair few drinks, but only one night a week, plus 2 or 3 after work on a Friday, but never 20+ pints. Thats ridiculous.
Hes been doing this for 2 months now. It started after Christmas when he went to visit a friend in France, they drank 20 litres of wine in under 5 days...about 3 bottles each a day. Oh and 2 crates of beer. I guess he really doesnt want to face himself or his pain, whatever it is.
And yes Michelle..thats what I thought! He has always been saying things by inference lately, so when he said, got any plans? It seemed to me that he was sounding me out..then he says he feels really ill and is going to the doctors !? I dont know, I am worried that he is stuck and we are going to miss our "moment".
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
